Before I lose my shit AIBU?

[gottobe]

I've been unwell for the last few days. I live with DP and two DC age 13&14.
First day of illness I needed to just rest. I ended up having to go out in the pouring rain to get stuff. DP was wfh. He was in a major arse because his job is stressful - fair enough. Not once did anyone come and see if I was ok, needed a drink anything. DP stood and made himself a drink in front of me and never once asked would I like one. DP is usually kind and caring and I feel like I've seen another side to him. He's done a few minor household chores but that's it. And I'm expected to be pissing myself with glee over this. The DC have done nothing apart from leave random crap all over the place that no one else is going to clear up, rubbish not in the bin, dishes not in the sink.

I'm on the verge of absolutely losing my shit I feel like that's my importance in this house be here to carry everyone else. Yet when I need it I get jack. If anyone else is unwell I'm looking after them and making sure they're ok.

OP, don't get angry, it really is so bad for your immune system and will deplete it further.

Stay in bed.
Look after yourself and learn from this.

Clearly you do too much and this is proof.

I would calmly tell them all that the house had better be in decent shape when you feel better.

When you are better, start making changes.

You are the only one who can change this.

Also, start doing a LOT less for them all.

Hope you feel better soon.

You are sending mixed messages OP if you keep soldiering on no one will think you are really that ill.
Getting teens to do anything is hard work in my experience so set out your expectations calmly when you feel better.

I love all the posters who can diagnose exactly how ill the OP is from the other end of their computer. Who knew that anger in a woman means you aren't ill ENOUGH? Or soldiering on to do things you need (like getting your prescription) means you aren't ill ENOUGH? I would suggest those posters make sure doctors know this vital stuff except I think many of them do already (was a charming thread on here a while back about women's serious illnesses being ignored by medics)

silly op. Don't you know you aren't ill enough. you shouldn't be angry. No one likes an angry woman. Be kind. Then someone might be nice to you. Or not. But either way at least you'll have been gentle and kind and nice and that counts for a woman don't you know.

Just stay in bed. Leave them to it.

I don’t understand.

If you are ill then go to bed.

Everyone is old enough to fend for themselves and feed themselves so why get out of bed?

If someone told me that they felt really ill but then proceeded to go to the supermarket I would assume that they were exaggerating and ignore them

@pallisers

I love all the posters who can diagnose exactly how ill the OP is from the other end of their computer. Who knew that anger in a woman means you aren't ill ENOUGH? Or soldiering on to do things you need (like getting your prescription) means you aren't ill ENOUGH? I would suggest those posters make sure doctors know this vital stuff except I think many of them do already (was a charming thread on here a while back about women's serious illnesses being ignored by medics)

silly op. Don't you know you aren't ill enough. you shouldn't be angry. No one likes an angry woman. Be kind. Then someone might be nice to you. Or not. But either way at least you'll have been gentle and kind and nice and that counts for a woman don't you know.

Sorry but it’s the truth that a person that can soldier on and not appear ill to a casual observer is not as ill as a person who cannot get out of bed. It’s just common sense. I couldn’t soldier on if I tried when down with pneumonia. I couldn’t be scraping up dog shit in the yard when having a bad asthma day. I physically could not. The fact OP can continue her day looking and doing everything as normal but hiding that she feels like a turd= she’s not that ill. Fucking ableist if you to assume that the really ill can pretend not to be so.

I”d be doing fuck all for anyone and losing my shit, big time.

Or send this out as a group message on whatever app your family most uses

I am ill
Drinks and food being offered is polite
Doing the household chores is a necessity, do not expect me to get better and then do the backlog.
Sort it out between yourselves.

Is very well put, I would perhaps add something about being hurt and disappointed that they needed basic compassion, thoughtfulness and responsibility pointed out to them.

I completely disagree with

It's a nightmare with teens. They need to make the switch from dependent to semi adult because it SHOULDN’T be a sudden switch, it should be a gradual thing with children even from quite a young age being both perfectly capable of and reasonably expected to contribute to a safe, warm and comfortable home.

I’d certainly expect dc of your dcs age op to be more than capable of most if not all household chores, such that if another member of the household is incapacitated everyone can contribute to picking up the slack.

I’m afraid your dp needs a serious kick up the arse as he should not only be picking up some slack he should be making sure the dc did/do too!

All 3 are more than old enough and from what you say perfectly capable of not only fending for themselves but caring for you too.

And quite honestly I think you need to consider if you've been doing too much for them even when you're not ill.

There are no medals for martyrs

Everyone in the household should be contributing to the running of said household.

Nah, shit-loosing seems wholly understandable. You are slotted in to the looking-after-us role and they are not able to view you as out of this. My lot seem to get positively annoyed when I am poorly. Bastards.

Either his behaviour just awoken some underlying resentment of him.

Or.... you are just not feeling well and taking it out on him whilst being a bit ott

Go get some rest. Ignore him
And repay him with the same kidness next time he is sick 😂

I love all the posters who can diagnose exactly how ill the OP is from the other end of their computer. Who knew that anger in a woman means you aren't ill ENOUGH? Or soldiering on to do things you need (like getting your prescription) means you aren't ill ENOUGH?

If OP is that unwell, why isn't she staying home in bed and telling her perfectly able children or partner to collect her prescription? Being a martyr and soldiering on when you feel like crap won't win you any awards.

If someone with three other capable humans in the house is insisting on going out in the rain to the chemist then I would safely assume they're not actually particularly sick and are just under the weather or having a moan.

Why do women (and it's always women) continue to solider on when they feel like shit instead of either speaking up and asking for help, or physically staying in bed until they're better?

@PlanDeRaccordement
Sorry but it’s the truth that a person that can soldier on and not appear ill to a casual observer is not as ill as a person who cannot get out of bed. It’s just common sense

That is a lot of bollocks!
Plenty of people soldier on when they have pneumonia either because they have no one they can rely in to take over OR because they THINK they have to do it/no one can replace them.
I have ME. Every single day I soldier on. I look well. I don’t have a fever or anything. But you can’t see the exhaustion and the effort it takes me to go up some stairs. You canT see the aching muscles. What you will see is me going slower. That’s it.
Does it mean that I’m faking it, aren’t really I’ll etc?