When do you first remember being left home alone

[WomenHour]

I think it was around 9 , my mum had to go to work so she left me and my brother for a few hours.

Certainly leaving young children and babies alone at all, older children left all day long. Awful. I remember leaving my 13 year old for a few hours once and feeling so incredibly guilty.

Why did you feel guilty about leaving your 13 year old alone? Did they not want to be left alone or something? I mean this really depends on the child - if they are not comfortable being left alone then they should not be left but if they are happy with it, and are sensible enough, then its completely different. My 9 year old nearly always chooses to stay home alone rather than come to the shops etc.

@KatherineParr4 well if you don't think it's true then it can't be can it? 🙄
I was regularly left alone from 6/7, I walked to and from school alone from 5/6 and went to school medical appointments alone because I didn't bother to tell my mother that she was needed in attendance because it didn't occur to me that she'd want to be there. She bollocked me when I told her though, and made very sure I'd made the wrong decision. I was cooking family dinners at 10/11 and school holidays were spent playing in junkyards with friends and a buttered roll I made myself for my lunch from a bout 6/7 onwards.

My mum was a teacher but preferred to spend her summers on trips without us.

This was mid 70s. I have no idea of your life experiences but don't try to minimise those of others who differ from yours.

I remember leaving my 13 year old for a few hours once and feeling so incredibly guilty. Many children spend whole days home alone from secondary age so that parents can work.

I was left with an elder sibling from around 8 for very short periods (eg mum going to the local shop). Elder sibling was 11/12.
Longer periods alone from around 11- first year of seniors- all day while parents worked from around 12/13 in the school holidays, I think.

I was allowed to walk home alone from about ten, but there was a childminder waiting for me.

My mother went to night classes to retrain when I was 13 and since my dad usually works evenings I would have 2 or 3 nights per week where I was left on my own for a few hours. I remember loving it, I could choose which soup to heat up for dinner and used to sing to myself in the empty house

The one that sticks in my mind is being six and my sister ten. My mother would leave us often to go out for the night and this one time we were broken into. They stole our only tv (I was born 85).

I'd guess maybe 11

These threads always bring out people on the extreme fringes! By which I mean people who were left at home all day aged 4 - obviously not ok - but equally extreme people taking that as a signal to seek affirmation for their outlier belief that leaving a (by default assuming NT, healthy mentally and physically) teenager home alone is something to feel guilty about!

Being unable to leave a teen with no special circumstances home alone for a few hours is also pretty misguided parenting wise. Children should be very gradually prepared for adulthood and next stages - not kept permanently in a protected infant state. "Bringing up" children to be competent, confident and fully self reliant is the aim where children have no special circumstances/ needs (and then too as far as possible), not freezing them in time at 5 years old!

For the whole day? Around 8 yo. My brother must have been 11. To be fair there wasn't a choice. We lived on a remote island at the time, dad was abroad (too far away) for work and my mum had broken her arm and needed to travel to a hospital the day after to have it treated. Which took the whole day. We were fine, we were good kids that listened well, stayed home and played, watched a lot of tv and ate sandwiches (and the contents of the biscuit tin) the whole day. She was home in the evening.

From the age of 10 for an hour or so, and minding my 7 yo brother. I used to walk the mile or so to school with older kids (9 or 10) from the age of six.

There should be a legal age for leaving children alone and then things would be clearer. I thought it was 14 years ago, but apparently this isn’t a legal requirement.

5-6 for me... totally normal for the 70's where I lived. I used to take my little brother to school when I was 5 and he was 4. We were brought up extremely independent (not always a good idea)

I was the youngest of 3 and was left with my sister's from about 10 I think (so sister's were 13 and 16)

My dad was the oldest of 6 children, he remembers when his youngest sibling was born his parents both went straight back to work and the 6 of them (aged 0-10!!) would be left home alone all day. They would go out the back of their house and play in the river all day!!! My grandparents were a respected Gp and nurse, it was just totally normal where they lived in the 1960s!!

The first time I remember I must have been 8 or so, it wasn’t for long but I left the tap on because I got distracted trying to stop my little brother climbing up a cupboard and flooded the kitchen.

At 7. Where I'm from it is totally normal that once you start school (at 7 years old) you walk yourself to and from school and be home alone for a few hours to do homework before parents get home from work.

@RoyalChocolat

I was 5. My parents had put us (me, my 3yo brother and my newborn brother) to bed and gone away. My baby brother woke up and started screaming. I did not know what to do. Thankfully I did not try to pick him up...

From the age of 8 I went back home with my 6yo brother at lunchtime and made us lunch.

That's shocking!

My mum would pop to the shop literally across the road - probably would have been away 5 or 10 minutes - when I was 7 with older sibling 9. We knew where she was and could probably have shouted loud enough for her to hear from our garden though so not sure if that really counts!

KatherineParr, 14 as a legal limit would be bizarre. It would require an enormous expansion of childcare and school transport, and it would basically cut younger teens off from a social life. If you mustn't be left unsupervised at home, then presumably you can't go into town or to the shops on your own either?

Where would the advantage be? What is wrong with a 13yo learning to exercise their own judgment, thinking for themselves, knowing that they are considered mature enough to make sensible decisions?

I was about 5. My parents had left me (it was nighttime) and gone to a party up the road. I was terrified.

About 9, when I started middle school and my mum would be picking up my brother from primary school, I got my own key.

I was 5. My Sister was 6. My Mum was a single parent and worked full time. We would get ourselves to and from school everyday. I had a key around my neck.

It was the 70's. My Mum could not afford childcare. There wasn't much to choose from. There were no tax credits or government help in those days.

It wasn't ideal.

I was 5 or 6when I first recall being left alone my parents had divorced and my mum ran a restaurant either she or her friend would drive me home put me to bed and then I would be left to sleep as they went back to work late into the night.

@KatherineParr4 14? Are you mad? That's waaaaayyyy too much cotton wool! All children develop at different ages. I started leaving my youngest for short periods (30 mins) at 10. She's sensible. My eldest bit so much. You have to understand your children to gauge when it's safe. Independence is important. I was left far too young, and I never did that to my kids but a blanket ban until 14? That's ridiculous!

It was the 70's. My Mum could not afford childcare. There wasn't much to choose from. There were no tax credits or government help in those days

That's not true actually. Family Income Supplement was a means tested benefit for working parents and was introduced in 1970 by the conservatives. And there was more childcare than ever available because childcare became part of social services in 1971.

Actually long before then there was Family allowance. That was introduced in 1946 I think. There has always been government help available.