Name changed for this.
After yet another argument with my ‘D’H this morning I finally cracked and have walked out. It’s a longish story so please bear with me. I’m only posting this because I literally don’t know what to do and I have nobody else in the world to talk to.
About 7 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. This was a huge surprise as we’d struggled to conceive our little boy who is now 7 months old. We were over the moon. Then, at 8 weeks I had some pain and was sent to EPU. I was scanned and told there was no heartbeat and I’d had a silent miscarriage. I was absolutely devastated. This is my third miscarriage in the last two years. I had two before our DS was conceived. Fast forward to last weekend and after another scan I started to bleed when I should have been 10 weeks. I’ve had to do the hospital stuff on my own due to Covid.
At the beginning of this week I had a large haemorrhage and was taken to hospital by ambulance. Once again, I was on my own. After a few hours in hospital (which was humiliating and excruciatingly difficult) I was allowed home that evening. My DH picked me up and took me home. I was in a lot of pain and generally feeling ill.
The next morning my DH went to work and left me to look after our baby and my two other DC from my first marriage. I understand that he needed to work but he could have been home by lunchtime (self employed). Instead he worked all day and came home after 5pm despite seeing how much pain I was in before he left. Then I spent all night up with my 7 month old whilst DH slept. This has been every day this week. I’ve had no help at all from him. Yesterday I snapped and shouted at him for not helping me. I’ve also tried to talk to him about my feelings of utter devestation but all I get is ‘I know’.
Since then he’s not spoken to me. Things came to a head today and he’s basically said to me that I’m shit (his exact words) because I’ve been horrible to him. I should have asked him not to work apparently. He won’t even acknowledge not helping with DS but that’s another story. He now doesn’t want to speak to me and said he’s not leaving his home so I should go instead. Everything is all my fault.
I’ve literally packed a bag and driven to a hotel just over an hour away from my home. I’m heartbroken for so many reasons and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve had to leave all 3 of my DC behind because I have nowhere to take them and I’m missing them all so much.
I have no family or friends and I have nowhere to go. I also work for DH so I have no income and minimal savings.
Part of me thinks he’s right. I am shit and everyone would be better off without me. I love my DC but I just can’t go home to the atmosphere right now. I’m currently sitting in a hotel room in tears and have nobody to talk to. DH probably knows where I am as our car has a tracking app. He hasn’t tried to contact me since I left this morning. What do I do??
If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading.