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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I really don't want ds to start school?

69 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 29/08/2020 01:04

Seems an unpopular opinion in my friends and family but I just wish DS didn't have to start school so soon, especially in the current situation.

He went to the school nursery last year and enjoyed it but he is adamant he doesn't want to go back to school, he has loved his lockdown time off. I am always putting a positive spin on it but when I've spoken to DH or friends and family about my worries they all say I'm mad and they can't wait to get theirs back to school.

I'm going to miss him so much and I know he's going to take a long time to settle like he did I'm nursery. I worry about him having dinner at school and feeling abit lost there for 6 hours it just seems like such a long time for a 4 in year old.

I know he needs to start he is so confident and social and wants to make friends constantly. He's probably ready and this is just my anxiety but surely I'm not the only one feeling like this? Aibu?

OP posts:

latticechaos · 29/08/2020 01:07

Yanbu, six hours is a long time at four. But if he is social and likes it himself he'll presumably enjoy it.

We do send them early in the UK, so I think it is natural to feel this way.

Original poster

Pushpushpoosh · 29/08/2020 01:10

I really think we send them far too early it's really sad

OP posts:

Derekhello · 29/08/2020 01:29

Yanbu, I moved to a new area when my daughter was 4 and remember feeling horrified when I was told she’d be going to school full time (previous area she would’ve been going part time) it is too young IMO but, it sounds as though your son will enjoy himself once settled

Sparklesocks · 29/08/2020 01:34

I think it’s normal to feel anxious about it, especially in the current climate.

GisAFag · 29/08/2020 01:53

It's awful they're so little but school is fun at that age. They run and play. It's hard to let them go. Totally understand

Heartofglass12345 · 29/08/2020 01:58

My boys started nursery (in the school) full time the term after their 3rd birthday. My oldest was only 3 in the May and he seemed tiny. He wasn't properly toilet trained either so was having a lot of accidents (later diagnosed with autism) but he enjoyed it.
My youngest couldn't wait to start last year and he loved it and is looking forward to going back!
You don't have to send him yet do you? I think it's compulsory from the September after they turn 5. Don't listen to anyone else, do what you think is best

Californiastreaming · 29/08/2020 02:03

I ain't sending mine back but I am extremely clinically vulnerable and a single mum who has no one to care for my children should anything happen too me. As far as I am aware if I am shielding the school have to offer remote education, can you suggest this?

sahbear · 29/08/2020 02:11

How about discussing with the school that your son does half days till Xmas, or till he's 5. Less tiring, but not opting out altogether

Newdaynewname1 · 29/08/2020 06:08

Please take into account that most contries have a setup that is exactly like reception- they just call it kindergarten or similar. The uk doesn’t really send kids earlier than other countries, they just call the same thing”school” earlier.
And its compulsory earlier, which is great. My mum is a teaching assistant in a deprived area in my (otherwise wealthy) home country- she gets tons of 5 and 6 year olds who have never seen a book, who don’t know reading exist beyond menus and supermarket list (usually not in the language of the country). They never catch up - they have no chance. any additional years is amazing.
My home country is one of tgose often cited on mumsnet that school starts around 5-7 years (there is flexibility), completely forgetting that kids from more advantaged backgrounds do 2-4 years kindergarten (basic reading, writing, maths, up to year 1 level), and disadvantaged kids often stay at home, and then get thrown in.
Great for middle class and rich kids, the rest has no chance

Newdaynewname1 · 29/08/2020 06:13

@Californiastreaming are you in the uk? please check up on educational provision- you have to home educate yourself or send them in. Shielding is suspended, you will be fined if you don’t deregister, and school doesn’t have to provide an remote education

Fairybatman · 29/08/2020 06:19

@Californiastreaming

You might need to double check this. Shielding has officially ended and I don’t think they are obliged to do anything. You might need to deregulated them and home-educate, but then you can’t be certain of the getting their places back when you want.

Chocowally · 29/08/2020 06:30

YANBU my DS is Feb born and started reception last year. He is NT, pretty sociable and was used to being at Childminder/playgroup three and a half days a week while DH and I both working. 5 full days a week at school with three of those wraparound with childminder was way to much for him. He got exhausted and was so hungry that he used to practically fall over on doorstep and I couldn’t shovel enough food into him.

I felt part time would have suited him better. (Lockdown gave us a reprieve though it was too far the other way - he missed his buddies and some of the stimulation).

OverTheRainbow88 · 29/08/2020 06:32

I understand how you feel. Hopefully reception isn’t too focussed on sit down learning and it’s all about Learning through play Etc.

1AngelicFruitCake · 29/08/2020 06:32

With my daughter I just focus on the positive and don’t let her see me be anything but positive.

Chocowally · 29/08/2020 06:33

You could talk to your school if you feel it is really going to be a problem. I was on the verge of talking to my DS school about taking him out on Friday afternoons when lockdown loomed. You will have to be quite determine but you might be able to arrange something with the school that suits your DS especially before he turns 5

AdriannaP · 29/08/2020 06:36

You can send him part time until he is 5. I send my DD mornings only as she is summer born and was the youngest. She was so tired and ready to come home after 4 hours. Didn’t affect her learning as all the phonics etc is done in the mornings. You can always speak to the school. No child in England has to go to school full time until they are 5.

PopsicleHustler · 29/08/2020 06:59

Good morning. I cannot believe the you are unreasonable votes.
I definitely think you are not being unreasonable. I too am anxious for my children to return to school.
I have a 12 yr old going into year 8, a 6 year old going into year 2 and my third child starting reception year.
I am extremely worried for them returning to school but excited for my youngest as he never got to attend preschool for various personal reasons. I have however home taught him and he has learnt social skills and enjoys playing with his other siblings. He also has a younger sibling, nursery age and bonds with her a lot. I really would oo e for him to go back as being in a school environment with kids his own age will help him and also he never got to experience that with preschool. He is a lively playful boy and I am so looking forward to him going.
On the other hand, I am worried about all of them returning. My eldest 2 are vulnerable with health issues. One is asthmatic and low immune system. One is asthmatic and a stomach disorder. They are looking forward to going back but I am just so worried about coronavirus. I'm scared and worried they will catch it. I am also pregnant and also have health conditions and anxious I will catch it too. Everything is hard at the moment. But I am just trying to stay positive and hope that things will get better

BarcelonaBetty · 29/08/2020 07:23

I was going to say YABU for not wanting to send him because you would miss him but I agree with you, 6 hours for a 4 year old is too much.
We're in Scotland and my DC's both started school when they were 5 1/2 which I think is a much better age

GalesThisMorning · 29/08/2020 07:33

It's normal to be sad and anxious but he will be fine. It's not 'school' at this age as in sitting at a desk having lessons. Its play based with lots of outdoor time.

My son has been in some childcare environment for 8-9 hours a few days a week since he was 10 months. I was very nervous about the transition to school last year but he loved it, even more so than nursery. The educators are professional, cheery, kind, and well used to little children's wobbles. And used to parents wobbles too!

GalesThisMorning · 29/08/2020 07:37

@BarcelonaBetty

I was going to say YABU for not wanting to send him because you would miss him but I agree with you, 6 hours for a 4 year old is too much. We're in Scotland and my DC's both started school when they were 5 1/2 which I think is a much better age

But the 4 year olds with working parents would surely be in nursery, no? Probably for longer than 6 hours?

lovelilies · 29/08/2020 07:45

School is not compulsory for children until the term AFTER they turn 5.
It's not compulsory at all, education is, after they turn 5, by can take place in a school or at home. And you don't need to follow a national curriculum

Treaclepie19 · 29/08/2020 07:48

I feel the same way and my son is going to be the oldest in the year.
I think that coupled with the fact i used to teach reception and know how much kids love it, shows that it's just parent anxiety. Doesn't make it easier though.

Mama090319 · 29/08/2020 07:49

@Pushpushpoosh If your son isn’t 5 yet, you can ask for a staggered start or part time until he is, building up to 5. Id try to focus on every day in the mornings if possible so he is seeing the class everyday and also not missing any vital input. Does his school not offer any staggered start? I know they are the bane of working parents lives but the small groups, extended timeline does really work for children who haven’t been to a setting or are new.

D4rwin · 29/08/2020 07:49

Unfortunately having gone out of my way to make the reception teacher actually discuss with me what she anticipates the day will actually look like. She was very vague and clearly thought I was some sort of nut for wanting to know what my child might be doing in the day. We have taken the decision to withdraw our youngest from school. The play based provision is out of the window. The minister who wanted old school education of rows of desks listening to lecture style teaching has had his "golden era of education" fantasy bollocks come true thanks to social distancing etc. Bollocks to school, they are expecting them to sit and listen. Quite frankly having had such vague answers from the reception teacher I suspect any child would do better at home. The disadvantage whine isn't holding any water, because fuck all is in place for those children. The only disadvantage will be to children stuck for goodness knows how long with people trying to recreate Victorian classrooms. This apparently is the best the UK can afford.

BigKnickers87 · 29/08/2020 07:53

I agree it’s way too young to start school at 4. My son did a few months of reception and then after lockdown wasn’t able to go back to school. I’m so glad he’s had this extra time to just be a kid and run about outside etc. He looks so much healthier than he did in March. He’s grown loads and has gained weight for the first time in ages. I’m dreading him looking like crap again after starting back at school. I just hope being older now works in his favour.

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