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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I really don't want ds to start school?

69 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 29/08/2020 01:04

Seems an unpopular opinion in my friends and family but I just wish DS didn't have to start school so soon, especially in the current situation.

He went to the school nursery last year and enjoyed it but he is adamant he doesn't want to go back to school, he has loved his lockdown time off. I am always putting a positive spin on it but when I've spoken to DH or friends and family about my worries they all say I'm mad and they can't wait to get theirs back to school.

I'm going to miss him so much and I know he's going to take a long time to settle like he did I'm nursery. I worry about him having dinner at school and feeling abit lost there for 6 hours it just seems like such a long time for a 4 in year old.

I know he needs to start he is so confident and social and wants to make friends constantly. He's probably ready and this is just my anxiety but surely I'm not the only one feeling like this? Aibu?

OP posts:

Hardbackwriter · 29/08/2020 09:15

But no one did tell OP that her child would never catch up (and lots and lots pointed out that school isn't compulsory until 5), you just quoted a poster talking specifically about disadvantaged children and saying she thought it was in these children's interests to have a lower compulsory school age out of context and got worked up about it! You're the only one who took that as saying that OP's child would never catch up, so to then attack it for saying something it didn't is, erm, ridiculous...

SueEllenMishke · 29/08/2020 09:18

@D4rwin

Unfortunately having gone out of my way to make the reception teacher actually discuss with me what she anticipates the day will actually look like. She was very vague and clearly thought I was some sort of nut for wanting to know what my child might be doing in the day. We have taken the decision to withdraw our youngest from school. The play based provision is out of the window. The minister who wanted old school education of rows of desks listening to lecture style teaching has had his "golden era of education" fantasy bollocks come true thanks to social distancing etc. Bollocks to school, they are expecting them to sit and listen. Quite frankly having had such vague answers from the reception teacher I suspect any child would do better at home. The disadvantage whine isn't holding any water, because fuck all is in place for those children. The only disadvantage will be to children stuck for goodness knows how long with people trying to recreate Victorian classrooms. This apparently is the best the UK can afford.

I don't know any reception class that is recreating 'Victorian classrooms'.

At our school they're making it as normal as possible just creating class bubbles. I've spoken to lots of schools over the summer and they are saying the same.

D4rwin · 29/08/2020 09:20

Ah. Obviously you know what all schools are doing then gosh. How marvellous for you that your opinion is based on no approach being different to yours.

D4rwin · 29/08/2020 09:21

And so well researched too.

SueEllenMishke · 29/08/2020 09:22

What the hell would parents do if kids started school at 7 in the UK

In countries where this is the norm there is better childcare provision.
I always find this type of comment a bit ridiculous and frustrating. When we planned to have children we did so based on how childcare/school worked in England. We might have made different decisions if we lived elsewhere.

Sirzy · 29/08/2020 09:23

@D4rwin

Ah. Obviously you know what all schools are doing then

gosh. How marvellous for you that your opinion is based on no approach being different to yours.

But your posts very much tried to generalise that as how it would be at all schools when it isn’t. Far from it, and the guidance isn’t for reception children to spend their days sat at desks either.

Newdaynewname1 · 29/08/2020 09:24

If your school is indeed doing that, its a crap school. Reception kids (Actually all kids) in our school had been back since June, there was NO Victorian classroom, at any level, certainly not early years or KS1, and the rules in June were a lot tighter.

SueEllenMishke · 29/08/2020 09:27

@D4rwin

Ah. Obviously you know what all schools are doing then

gosh. How marvellous for you that your opinion is based on no approach being different to yours.

Did I say all? No, but I work with lots of schools through my work and I'm a chair of governors at a primary school. I've also spoken to the chairs at pretty much all schools in my area.....I don't know a single school that is taking that approach. Most schools don't have the space!!

If I were you I'd raise this with the chair of governors as it's not appropriate

SueEllenMishke · 29/08/2020 09:28

Plus it's not in the guidance anyway....

Camomila · 29/08/2020 09:38

90% of me can't wait for DS1 (4.5) to start reception...he's sociable and clever and has gone a bit weird (constant talking) from lack of friends...
But I did feel sad when he asked "mummy when I'm sad can I cuddle the teacher?"
I told him probably not because of the coronavirus (tbh I'm not sure you can cuddle the teacher in normal times but I'm sure they do occasionally)

ILoveFood87 · 29/08/2020 10:18

OP keep him off if that is how you feel I don't understand the problem tbh.

nosswith · 29/08/2020 10:20

Nothing wrong with feeling anxious or concerned, but I think your DS should start school, for his sake and other potential friends he could make.

BillysMyBunny · 29/08/2020 19:04

You don’t have to send him to school aged 4, it’s not compulsory until he is 5. If you really don’t think he’s ready and you’re able to keep him at home another year then that’s a perfectly valid choice to make.

aToadOnTheWhole · 29/08/2020 19:22

Mine is 3 (winter birthday) and is going to school nursery next week. I'll miss him in that I'll miss his company, (it's full time hours no exceptions) but it will do him the power of good and he will love it.

Obviously I'm nervous about handing over the reins, will he manage toileting, what if he poos himself, what if he's sad, will he eat enough dinner, what.if he doesn't drink enough, what if someone is mean to him etc, but it's absolutely normal to stress about it. I would have upped his hours at his day nursery from a few mornings a week to a couple of full days so he got used to it but obviously Covid stopped that and he hasn't been away from me at all since March.

flirtygirl · 29/08/2020 19:23

When it changed to full time at 4 years old a few years ago, I hated the idea.

My niece 10 months older than my daughter really suffered. She really regressed and started to wet the bed and struggled with changing at pe. Teachers in her school did not help the children with changing or going toilet.

I opted to keep my daughter in the 15 hours nursery placement instead till 5. I thought she would go to school at 5.

However, she never did and now aged 11, she loves being home educated.

Not all children suit school and not all schools suit your child. It may be a case of finding the best fit of school for your child and school may be completely ruled out as it is not the only option.

CasuallyMasculine · 29/08/2020 22:15

You can’t just keep a child at home when they have been allocated a school place and then turn up when you feel they’re ready.

If someone doesn’t want their child to start school until they’re older, and they have already accepted a school place, they need to speak to the school about deferring. Ideally before they accept the place. Waiting until the weekend before term starts is not the way to go.

Saracen · 29/08/2020 23:11

I agree that he's very little and six hours is too long. If I were you I would send him part time as long as possible. You can do that until he reaches "Compulsory School Age" in the term after his fifth birhtday.

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2020 23:15

@Pushpushpoosh

I really think we send them far too early it's really sad

With the amount of play in Reception, then on to learning through play he'll be more than ready and he'll have fun.

Once they hit 4 Nursery is not enough

Osirus · 30/08/2020 01:04

I agree Nanny.

My daughter turned 4 in June and she was beginning to find preschool a bit tedious! I’d love to keep her for another year, but she really needs do more now.

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