To say I really don't want ds to start school?

[Pushpushpoosh]

Seems an unpopular opinion in my friends and family but I just wish DS didn't have to start school so soon, especially in the current situation.

He went to the school nursery last year and enjoyed it but he is adamant he doesn't want to go back to school, he has loved his lockdown time off. I am always putting a positive spin on it but when I've spoken to DH or friends and family about my worries they all say I'm mad and they can't wait to get theirs back to school.

I'm going to miss him so much and I know he's going to take a long time to settle like he did I'm nursery. I worry about him having dinner at school and feeling abit lost there for 6 hours it just seems like such a long time for a 4 in year old.

I know he needs to start he is so confident and social and wants to make friends constantly. He's probably ready and this is just my anxiety but surely I'm not the only one feeling like this? Aibu?

Reception usually still includes quite a lot of free play or child-initiated learning, lots of time outdoors, etc.
DS is 3.5 and in our school's nursery from 8.30am to 5pm during the week. He's tired when I pick him up but doesn't usually want to leave. He loves being with other children and having lots of time to play. We are abroad, so he won't start in our pre-school class for another two years.
I teach first grade at the school and it's hard for them going straight into a school setting without having been to the pre-school class. It's quite full on right from the start but our kids are learning at quite a fast pace. I have to admit, I'd rather see DS go into pre-school (which is similar to Reception) first and have a more gentle start.

Time to let go, can't molly coddle him forever.

I think yabu- lots of children attend nursery for 10-11hrs a day, I’m not saying he won’t be tired and it’s an adjustment but every stage of development is an adjustment.

@hexmeginny

Time to let go, can't molly coddle him forever.

at forever, he's four, not fourteen!

Reception is very play-based & in some ways just a continuation of nursery (think the curriculum is even basically a continuation of the curriculum nurseries are encouraged to follow). In my experience the big transition is YR1, which is much more school-like. Both mine really enjoyed Reception, despite having polar opposite personalities! Its normal for them to be a littke nervous at first & to be quite tired after school though

4 is way too young tbh. In my home country kids start at 6/7 . In France and Spain though dcs all start at 3 and although it’s not very formally school it’s still not nearly as relaxed as playschool or kindergarten.
Can you homeschool for the first year or two ?

Op, whatever you do hide your anxiety from your son. He’ll only feed off it if you’re visibly unsure about him starting. Be light and breezy and excited when talking to him about starting school. Mine is still a toddler but he squeals with delight when we pull up to his nursery and he does a far longer day than 6 hours. Never made a fuss at handovers when he was little and now quite frankly he can’t wait for me to leave once he spots his key worker and friends.

Having had to peel many a child off their parent at the school gates, parental anxiety is a huge factor is creating a negative cycle between the parent and child that can make the transition into school and particularly drop offs difficult. The vast majority of children are absolutely fine once their parent is out of view.

Whilst I agree, we start formal education too early, reception done well is mostly child-led and play based. In my school, it will be business as usual for the smallest children - no sitting in rows without free play. As mentioned above, in many of the European counties we hold up as the ideal, children are still in some form of Kindergarten at this age.

They never catch up - they have no chance. any additional years is amazing.

How ridiculous, there’s something very wrong with an education system if children can’t catch up a missed year at 4/5 years old.

I’m in Scotland, our kids start around 5 1/2 which is young enough, the additional time in nursery works wonders for their social skills and confidence levels.

What the hell would parents do if kids started school at 7 in the UK

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

What the hell would parents do if kids started school at 7 in the UK

In those countries they have much better funding of childcare.

@SomewhereEast yes, the tougher jump is when children move to Year 1 and they move to the National Curriculum which requires a more formal style of learning. Although some schools, including mine, work really hard to continue through some of the principles of the Reception year and play-based learning to make the transition smoother.

In those countries they have much better funding of childcare can guarantee we wouldn’t get such thing! It would be suck it up yourself “you chose to have children” blah blah

@Californiastreaming

I ain't sending mine back but I am extremely clinically vulnerable and a single mum who has no one to care for my children should anything happen too me. As far as I am aware if I am shielding the school have to offer remote education, can you suggest this?

Not the case. Shielding has paused for now.

Ds was shielding. He is going back to school because his care team have said they believe it’s fine and we agreed on a plan.

Unless your care team have put in writing that your child shouldn’t go back to school (which is highly unlikely to happen!) then if you decide not to send them back then you will need to deregister and homeschool.

I’m looking forward to my son starting reception this year. His teacher has reassured me they won’t be sitting down at desks all day. He already does nine hour days at nursery three days a week which works out as similar to six hours a day at school. I don’t think he’ll be especially tired. At the moment he will often want to go to the park/run home after a full day of nursery.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

What the hell would parents do if kids started school at 7 in the UK

Use childcare that looked more or less like reception in terms of what the children actually do, just like they do in all the countries where they start school at 7?

People on MN love saying that in Sweden they don't start school until 6 without mentioning that over 80% of 18 month-5 year olds are in nursery; they're not all staying at home jumping in puddles all day and then suddenly starting education at 6. In practice what our four year olds and theirs do isn't nearly as different as it sounds when you say that ours go to school and theirs don't.

Please take into account that most contries have a setup that is exactly like reception- they just call it kindergarten or similar. The uk doesn’t really send kids earlier than other countries, they just call the same thing”school” earlier.

I don’t know which country you’re talking about but when moved to the former east Germany for three years DD (aged 4) went to kindergarten until she was six. There was no formal learning at all - it was all play and life skills, like eating with a knife and fork, crossing the road and so on.

I asked the kindergarten staff if they did any formal learning and they looked horrified at the suggestion.

She was raring to go to school by 6 and a half though and had learned to read at home.

@D4rwin I think you’ve dramatically misunderstood what reception is like. They don’t sit at desks. Reception classrooms don’t have desks and whilst there are some tables they certainly don’t have enough chairs for all the children to sit at.

Sure. So I now have to not believe the teacher at the school who described the "necessary changes" from the old layout my older children now at secondary had.

Of course. I misunderstood. Obviously that's the problem.

So “it’s not formal learning, just play - the same as Scandinavian countries that send their kids later” but if they don’t start Reception aged 4 they’ll never catch up? It can’t be both.

@Jellycatspyjamas

So “it’s not formal learning, just play - the same as Scandinavian countries that send their kids later” but if they don’t start Reception aged 4 they’ll never catch up? It can’t be both.

Yes this!

Wasn't the comment about not catching up specifically about children from backgrounds where they aren't read to, perhaps even consistently spoken to, where education isn't valued and toddlers aren't considered to need stimulation? That happens in the UK, too, the gap that develops in early years persists throughout education. It's exactly why the government funds childcare for vulnerable 2 year olds but not all - they won't fall behind not going if home is stimulating (they might even benefit) but, sadly, that's not what home is like for some children and so they won't ever catch up from the disadvantage of their start if they don't get targeted early years support.

I think YABU...but I mean it kindly. Because Reception is a lovely environment for a child of that age. They revel in that little bit of independence and meet a wide range of different children, with whom they play and start to learn a huge range of new skills. Schools are caught between a rock and a hard place with all the Covid rules. They have to be seen to toe the line in terms of government diktats at this point; hopefully, as the kids go back, things will become clearer in terms of what works practically and there’ll be a more pragmatic response on the ground that’s in the best interests of the kids.

It can be both if the alternative to reception is staying at home with a disinterested parent, without books, activities or peers.

In those cases earlier schooling is key to a child’s life chances hence the free nursery hours at 2 or 3.

School isn't compulsory.

sadly, that's not what home is like for some children and so they won't ever catch up from the disadvantage of their start if they don't get targeted early years support.

I’m very aware of how home life can be for some children and yes, early years support can make a world of difference. I’m guessing though the OPs child isn’t being neglected and isn’t disadvantaged so suggesting her child might not catch up from a missed year is ridiculous.