To quit breastfeeding now?

[hipsalips]

I have a three month old and have been EBF, and while a lot of the time its nice to breastfeed I am getting a bit worn down from it.

I'm debating stopping but feel very conflicted. On one hand I like it (sometimes), I know its good for my DD.

On the other hand I hate the clothes I need to wear, I find all the nursing clothes well dowdy, and would feel more like me if I stopped.

I'm planning to wean her at 6 months, would it be worth swapping to formula until then or would you stick with it, or combination feed to get the best of both worlds?

I never wore breastfeeding clothes! Just put a blanket on top and then lifted my clothes underneath.

Breastfeeding gets easier as the child older, they start feeding less times

There are pros and cons of both bf and ff but both give an excellent start in life. For me the benefits of bf were small and I preferred the benefits of ff.

@Parker231

I’ve read the material but lots is not relevant as it’s not comparing like for like. On an individual basis there appears to be little difference. Everyone can only look at their own family and friends for what happened there. My DC’s, 100% ff haven’t had any of the negatives mentioned. Would they have done equally well if they were bf, probably .

Much research surrounding breastfed babies is observational studies. That’s because of course each baby that is or isn’t breastfed has a multitude of factors that are complex and individual to their biological mothers.

Without wishing to sound controversial I suspect that Mumsnet is not a good barometer for highlighting the significant social and economic disparities amongst babies born in this country. I would also respectfully suggest that given the appallingly low extended breastfeeding rates in this country it is a minority of women from a ore restricted range Socio / economic and cultural as well as educational backgrounds that make up this tiny percentage.

I also suspect that the average Mumsnetters who do formula feed their children are not badly educated, vulnerable women living in poverty with little to access to resources, support , educational ability or the wherewithal to provide a lifestyle to defect and overcompensate for some of the factors that a breastfed baby in poverty and formula fed might come up against.

That should read breastfed baby in poverty v formula fed baby

Especially since we know these a malnourished woman still delivers nutrients and the breastfed baby takes what they need

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

The individual benefits of breastfeeding are absolutely tiny.

This is not true. By all means feed your own baby as you see fit; it's no one else's business but yours. I couldn't care less how other mums feed their kids; what does stick in the craw is when people peddle demonstrable untruths as justification of that choice.

This, I feel exactly the same.

Formula feed of you want, but please don't say that breastmilk doesn't have health benefits. My worry is that people will actually start to believe it doesn't and just won't bother.

I came so close to giving up but carried on because I wanted to reduce risks for my baby. I know there are no guarantees in life but having a cot death in the family made me really paranoid and determined to do absolutely everything "right" and one part of that was breastfeeding.

God almighty how does this get easier. All she does it eat. I must feed her every two hours in the day. This cannot be normal.

@hipsalips

God almighty how does this get easier. All she does it eat. I must feed her every two hours in the day. This cannot be normal.

Sounds totally normal!

DS was formula fed from day 1 and still fed every 2 hours like clockwork day and night

And I hate to say it but he did it until 6 months...

😭

There isn’t a normal OP. DD has always been bf and she slept 12 hours a night from 6 weeks to 4 months (another story since then), a colleagues baby was FF from birth and fed every two hours till he was 6 months, up every 2 or 3 hours over night. Colleague is the dad and they alternated night feeds, he was on his knees. At least with BF you can feed in the dark without leaving your bed with your eyes closed for most of it.

Babies feed a lot. They’re growing more at this point than ever again for the rest of their lives. And remember it’s not just food, it’s all their liquid too. Don’t compare it to an adult’s 3 meals a day. Add in all the tea or coffee you have, every sip of water, every snack. You’re giving them everything they need to thrive. It’s tiring. It gets easier.

DC’s were ff from birth. Started off every three hours when they were very tiny but then moved onto every four hours. Thankfully we got a routine pretty quickly. Unfortunately there is no rule as to which babies feed or sleep better than others. You can have two babies treated exactly the same but will sleep and feed differently.

My (dubious 😁) advice. Start watching a great series of TV programmes. Sit on sofa with snacks and be available for feeds if possible for an hour or 2 in morning and evening. (If wasn’t for TV I wouldn’t have sat ‘available’ for feeds). The rest of time I just had to get the things I had to do done, and baby was fed less/fed on the go! They adapt (up to a point).
I went back to work ebf at 4 months (only did a 6hr day but away 8 hrs) and they had 3 oz expressed milk to do them until I got back and they adapted (fed at night).

Hi @hipsalips what you are experiencing is normal for your baby. I think if you decide you do want to continue to BF that you need to just accept it rather than query or think logically about it. You cant. You just have to do it. You might then just relax and not over think it.

I don't mean this in a nasty way I just think it might help you. you're doing great! I personally found 3 months, 6 months 9 months etc all good stages that get easier. I did really battle with it like you are but around 6 or 9 months I just started thinking "it is what is it" and just accepted it and relaxed.

It IS true that the health benefits are negligible, especially after the first few weeks. People parrot nonsense about all the amazing benefits without actually reading the research.

It isn't worth martyring yourself over. Just do whatever makes life easiest for you.

@ZoeTurtle

It IS true that the health benefits are negligible, especially after the first few weeks. People parrot nonsense about all the amazing benefits without actually reading the research.

It isn't worth martyring yourself over. Just do whatever makes life easiest for you.

Why do formula companies state breastmilk is better?

Thanks for the advice everyone. I honestly feel so defeated by feeding (and being a mother), I know this what I signed on for. But sometimes I can't look at her. I guess I'll get there eventually. Just feel like sometimes I have made a very big error.

Not sure any of those feelings are normal. Even if the feeding is normal. Talked to the GP and he thinks its all normal to feel this way.

Can you talk to another gp? Or your HV?
I did experience some of what you're feeling and possibly had PND which i ignored. Be kind to yourself, it is a thankless job and your body will still have hormones raging through it.

I too wonder if there is some depression going on with you OP. I well remember those early days, it was hideous. Son would feed every hour at times. It's just their little tummies.

The one thing that kept me going was that feeding was the only time I felt the 'rush of love' that everyone talks about. The rest of the time, he was a chore I had to deal with. My depression wasn't recognised, least of all by me.

I kept going, but I ditched the special clothing and bras. It would have been about the 3 month mark when I did that. I even began wearing underwired bras again (my boobs were HUGE - LL cup), against all advice. I was past caring at this point, I was sick of useless nursing bras that did nothing to support me.

I had a lot of milk, so it was easy for me to express and I would freeze my milk so I had a stock. When we went out, I didn't have to faff about with clothes, he would take a bottle of breast milk. Would that be an option for you?

For me, as others have said, the 3 month mark was where it began easing up - the 'boob sensations' and nipple pain went away, and the leakage subsided. I began to feel more human and less feeding machine. As he got bigger, he fed faster, and by 5 months he was sleeping for 6 hours between night feeds.

Breastfed felt much easier for me than bottle-feeding. It was enough of a pain sterilising and preparing the daily bottle I used when we went out, I would have got well fed-up of having to make up bottles all the time. I appreciate that's just me though.

I promise you, it does get better - whatever you decide. You will find the joy. I hadn't expected my life to change in the way it did, I hadn't expected the complete and utter tedium and slog that having a baby was for me.

But just as no-one had warned me about that, no-one told me it was temporary. It didn't occur to me that life would change as my baby grew. I wish I had understood that it was ok to let other things slide in the early days, because there would be time to pick it all back up later on. Because it does get better, and parenting becomes more than the endless round of feeding and changing.

Just FYI you don't need to sterilise bottles if you use expressed breastmilk!
Breasts aren't sterile and neither is the milk! You'd just clean with warm soapy water x

And op if you read the above posters comment and don't relate about the rush of love at feeding...I didn't either. You are not alone but I promise you it does just get easier. However I still suggest you speak to a go,HV, mum, friend etc

I didn’t wear anything different for bf all mine. Others are right, it does get much easier when they start getting a big bigger and you’re just getting to that point. I would stick with it if I were you. Well done so far! You really have come through the hardest part.