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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My lockdown life exactly the same as my normal life

112 replies

OtissReadingtoomuch · 28/08/2020 18:43

Anyone else noticed their lockdown life is pretty much representative of their normal life? I didn't hear from anyone prior to lockdown, and that is not unusual. Don't hear from anyone now either!

Have work colleagues, and "mum" friends, arranged with all of them to do garden meet up's in the summer hols. ( at mine , as usual and at my expense as always, because i never get invited anywhere as i am chintzy and house proud and people assume i will judge their homes even though i never have... nor ever will. ) If i do not organise socials , no one will , ones that i am party to anyway.

We are all fit as fiddles , no shielding family issues at all. I kept in contact since March, if i don't text, waiting for someone to take the initiative, no one bothers. All the summer garden meet-ups i was really depending on for social interaction, not happened. No one has contacted me to arrange. I have not followed up as i do not want to appear desperate and clingy.

I have been on my own now, with my youngest DC since, March. No family as i am NC, and i moved to a new area 9 yrs ago where everyone has their own friends and and family. I have been into work but i am not from around here and i clearly do not fit in, despite my best efforts and respect of local traditions.

I found lockdown a great leveller, but lockdown has ended now and i am still in "lockdown". I know i need to move back to my hometown but i cannot do that for at least 3 yrs due to youngest critical years schooling.

How can i continue to live a lockdown style life for another 3 yrs? I have effectively done it for 9 yrs already and i am getting older. How do i cope with another 3 yrs lockdown?

OP posts:
OtissReadingtoomuch · 31/08/2020 19:20

I have just put a Carex antibac gel hand wash by our front door, ready for DC going back to sch tomorrow. I showed him where it was and said this is for any visitors to use when they come, ( meaning any sch friends). He replied " we never have any visitors". I replied "just in case".

That comment has just knocked me for six. Comments and situations like this make me realise how alone we are and to see my youngest child sees it too is heart breaking. A hand gel that will most likely never get used. Silly i know but has really affected me.

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TheMandalorian · 31/08/2020 19:41

Ah. You have made me contact a friend. I am really shit at keeping up with people because I am very happy on my own or going along with the flow. I'm not very good at organising anything because I don't think anyone would come unless its a group effort with a more popular person. When I had ds1, I realised most of my friends were just acquaintances really. No one ever invited me out for a drink or even a cuppa. Even the ones who also had babies. It was always me inviting them. I stopped inviting people and don't hear from them now. I met up with an old school friend at a toddler group (different city ) and need to meet up with her. If you are near me and are sporty and practical but also like dressing up to go out and art send me a pm.

Itsallcrapnow · 31/08/2020 20:57

@OtissReadingtoomuch I'm in a similar situation, I find if your attractive ,someone who seems capable, people are less likely to approach you.intimidation plays a part.people automatically ,wrongly, assume a person who looks good,put together,is perfectly fine.
I'd be your friend, sound lovely .

OtissReadingtoomuch · 31/08/2020 21:00

@Itsallcrapnow ❤️

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Ragwort · 31/08/2020 21:35

This is going to sound harsh but I meet a lot of people who want to be 'friends' but they can come over as needy and desperate. I know that sounds unkind but I continually meet people who say 'they can't make friends' but, quite honestly, have nothing much to offer.

I have known someone vaguely for ten years ... in all that time she has done nothing positive with her life except except endlessly moan that she cannot make friends ... She talks about joining amateur dramatics (we have three different groups in our town) but does nothing about it, every suggestion is met with a negative response, to be honest I cannot be bothered any more .... her company drags me down, I don't need 'friends' like that.

My own DH is a bit like that Blush, he moans that he hasn't any friends but he only seems to want to meet clones of himself ... we have very few 'mutual' friends as no one is quite 'good enough' ... I prefer to meet my own friends without him Grin.

OtissReadingtoomuch · 05/09/2020 17:47

I have really struggled this week. My youngest was back at sch and now at his dads today , overnight. I am only adult in my home and its been all Tik Tok and teenage life here this week and in fact all lockdown.

I looked at 2020 calendar on back of kitchen door earlier today, no social engagements at all since Dec 19 , and that was work's xmas party.

All the " friends" who planned to come to mine over this summer never materialised. Never acted or responded to my invites or never reciprocated for those where it was my turn to go to them, having been here at mine 3 and 4 times plus. I looked at August and it was just bin days and Direct Debits on the calendar. I am looking at Sept and more of the same. There is a dentist appointment there to look forward to!

I have had no txts, no WhatsApp's, no emails, no phone-calls for months now, since Feb and even the ones i did were "hope you are well" " chat soon" responses to me. I am not a fool, i know "chat soon" is cannot be arsed!!

I am looking through my phone address book to see who may want to socialise , that i have not already tried. I'm left with the window cleaner and the guy who exterminated a wasps nest for me 2yrs ago. It just really sucks.

I just don't think people really see lonely people. No one can be bothered. When your life is full you do not see others whose life is not. Everyone i know has come through lockdown fine , in fact they have all treated it as early xmas, extended summer holiday and some have deliberately isolated themselves from work for weeks , with faux flu like symptoms just to prove their worth at work, have a break and make a point . Nothing wrong with them.

It is really hard to look at yourself and see how naive you have been with regards to your friends. It also hard to look and see that your neighbours ultimately don't care either. It is hard to see no one cares I live in a village, i thought people would care. I see now you have be descended here for 1000 's of years, i have only lived here 9 yrs. I guess i do not meet the criteria.

It's just really hard to see generally that people don't care. I have always cared for people and my friends, i have always put myself out for them all. I guess i assumed that people would also care for me and do the same. I am middle aged and only now starting to see how people work. Very hard and sobering lesson.

I thought Covid may have been a turning point, it wasn't. As a PP suggested , i am an extrovert, i like to be surrounded by people. I am outgoing and confident. I have no family so friends are important as i have no family support network, friends are all i have.

It hurts when i see other people surrounded by people and living their best lives. Am i that invisible or do they simply not care? I have to assume that people just do not care! People around me know i have no family and still they ignore me.

I am just cooking myself dinner now and looking on Netflix for another something to watch after bath. Another weekend following another week of the same. Looking out my window and life and people are there living and communicating and enjoying each other. Knocking on doors and windows and talking in the street. I was outside all day today tending to the front of my house, people said hello but no one stopped, no one enquired, no one bothered ! They say Hello as they continue to walk, they don't stop. They " stop" for others. Same with the old sch mums. They stop for other mums they have known decades but say "hello" to me while still moving.

Maybe i need to be in a bit more of a hurry to fit in with people these days!!

OP posts:
Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 18:17

Sorry if this has already by said but why do they assume you will judge their houses? That’s a really bizarre thing to say.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 18:21

Have you tried apps such as peanut or mush? They are friendship apps for mums

OtissReadingtoomuch · 05/09/2020 18:35

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover no, i have not tried apps, i am very wary, will not go on line. Too afraid for online meetings/relationships. Prefer to meet real life people where we have proven history.

Also , i am very house proud , my home is always immaculate. I do appreciate this will put people off. I take pride in my house and it is always show home ready. I appreciate this may not be to everyones standard but it does affect the person i am.

I never judge others ,ever. A cup of tea is a cup of tea. I invest in the person, not their home.

OP posts:
Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 19:14

@OtissReadingtoomuch I appreciate what you’re saying about online but real life and proven histories haven’t really worked so far, maybe give a friendship app a go, you may meet someone really lovely on there!

Always meet in a public place and if you don’t like them or whatever there is no obligation to meet again. My experience is though just other mums looking for a coffee while the kids play.

OtissReadingtoomuch · 05/09/2020 19:40

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover i am too afraid do on line apps, dating or friendships or otherwise.

I like to meet people that i know and have established friendships /relationships with. I do not do online friendships or online relationships. I do not do online anything.

I like to know people in real world before they come into my life. Online friendships and/or relationships not my thing.

OP posts:
OtissReadingtoomuch · 05/09/2020 20:51

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover "Sorry if this has already by said but why do they assume you will judge their houses? That’s a really bizarre thing to say."

Because i am very house proud and have a large home, that i maintain well. Friends have told me i cannot come into their house as they are embarrassed. I have no idea what they mean by that as i have never been allowed in. I have said "even if that means i stay alone " they said "yes". I have never judged anyones house ever. I have also not been allowed in that many homes , once they have been to mine, i have no idea what they are like this. What is the issue?

This is why i have stoped allowing people into my home and extending hospitality. It is never reciprocated.

I would hate to think that because i am house proud that that has precluded me from having any friends.

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