To think I could be autistic?

[EmmaA081]

Not really sure where to start.

I've always just felt like something is wrong with me.
The way I process thoughts. The way things really stick with me, the things that people say or do, I don't forget.

I always feel like I need things repeating to me. Or when someone tells me something I require a lot of detail in their story.
I ask a lot of questions to fully understand.

I don't like change. For instance, I moved offices at work and I spent weeks feeling upset and down about my new desk.
I hated that where I was sat, what I could see etc, it wasn't exactly the same as my old desk and it really upset me and made me anxious.

I like to have a set plan for things, and I find that if plans change I get frustrated and anxious.

If there are ever any risks I find it hard to rationalise them.
Eg. If you take that medicine there's a risk of side effect.
If you dye your hair there's a risk of an allergic reaction.

I struggle to take medication and I rarely dye my hair because I worry about the risks.

I'm actually a really social person and I do enjoy being around others. But I find it uncomfortable and hard for me to be around just one other person as I worry about what I should talk about.
Most of my friendships groups are 3's so I'm rarely alone with just one friend.
If there are 3 of us I'm chatty and confident as I flow with the conversation in the group.

I'm really hung up on what people think about me. I worry about what I've said or done.
I worry people think I'm a bad person, ugly, fat etc.

I find it really hard to show my emotions.
I've been with my husband for 9 years and he barely sees me cry unless I'm very upset or angry.

I can watch the saddest films but if I'm with someone I cannot cry at them.
Only if I'm alone can I feel the emotions and cry.

I know no one where can diagnose me, but I wanted to put this out there and ask for some opinions before I seek help.

I'm 32 and I know it wouldn't be easy to get a diagnosis as an adult.

Hi op
I think it’s natural not to like change. It sounds more like anxiety to me and fear of letting your emotions out.
Hopefully someone more experienced will come on.

The process will vary depending on which Health Authority you live in. Some have dedicated Adult Diagnosis units.
You will usually need to have one or both of your parents involved with the process, because for it to be confirmed as a diagnosis of Autism, there needs to be evidence that the symptoms have always been present even in early childhood (some similar situations can arise later due to traumatic life incidents rather than Autism) but that doesn't make it impossible to get a diagnosis if that isn't possible.
It is possible to have some strongly autistic traits in your personality without being actually on the Autistic Spectrum. One question to consider is how would a diagnosis help you, if it is true?

@EmmaA081 I'm similar to this in many ways and I've recently started wondering the same thing. I've been reluctant to just go to the GP and ask, though, because I'm not sure what they'd do, but part of me just wants to know - maybe because it would explain my "odd" habits.

@McTav

. I've been reluctant to just go to the GP and ask, though, because I'm not sure what they'd do, but part of me just wants to know - maybe because it would explain my "odd" habits.

This!!!! 100% this!!

"neurotypical people don't wonder if they're autistic"

I'm autistic, diagnosed at 32. It's common for women to be diagnosed late. My GP was absolutely useless so I ended up going privately (£900) and honestly it's changed my life just to know actually yeh you're autistic, no there's nothing wrong with that and actually you should be damn proud of what you have achieved in a world you're slightly out of sync with.

@Meatshake

"neurotypical people don't wonder if they're autistic"

I'm autistic, diagnosed at 32. It's common for women to be diagnosed late. My GP was absolutely useless so I ended up going privately (£900) and honestly it's changed my life just to know actually yeh you're autistic, no there's nothing wrong with that and actually you should be damn proud of what you have achieved in a world you're slightly out of sync with.

@Meatshake that's great. I'm really happy for you.

Does what I have written bear any resemblance to you or how you felt/feel?

I can relate to virtually every one of those things, in fact the only one I don’t have an issue with is medication or dying my hair.

I am 50 and I have never been diagnosed, but I have also wondered many times. I haven’t tried to get a diagnosis either as I am not sure what difference it would make to me at this point.

So the best way I've heard autism described is like an equaliser on a hi fi- one person might have sensory stuff turned up to 11 and empathy set to 2 and someone else can be the complete opposite way.

I get what you're saying about needing things explained/lots of detail, I'm similar with the 2 Vs 3 friends thing too.

Frustration for changing plans is something I relate to, too....

I reckon you've got enough there for a punt at diagnosis but if you've got a doctor who hasn't heard of how autism presents in women you might be in for a fight

I agree that it's common for women to be diagnosed late. I was diagnosed in my early 50s. The specialist who assessed me said that she saw lots of women in their 40s and 50s; the oldest woman that she had diagnosed was in her 70s.

I also wonder if I am too.

Very similar to what you say.

I got an official diagnosis of autism two years ago. My mum suggested it after my older brother got one, and my doctor referred me to an assessment. It helps cuz i now have a certificate to keep in my personal folder at work so that people can understand that I don't mean to be rude.

I got diagnosed via the NHS in my mid 30s. I asked my GP to refer me. I took a long list of all my issues with me. She honestly said Well I don’t think you are but if you really want me to, I’ll refer you it was a long wait (18 months) but I was assessed and diagnosed. It’s been very helpful to me. I get better support and understanding at work. I have a lanyard for travelling. I’m much kinder to Myself too.
Some of the things that made me realise I have ASD:

• struggling with friendships from a young age
• not getting jokes
• sensory-processing issues (I’m very fussy with clothing, loud noises and noisy places distress me
• having meltdowns (for me these are weeping, feeling panicked)
• struggling to cope with change
• overthinking things
• struggling with eye contact (I can do it if I have to but it feels very intimate to me and if I make eye contact I can’t concentrate on the conversation!)

It’s worth having a look at what Tania Marshall writes about women and girls with ASD to see if it sounds like you. Like I say, for me, it was totally worth pursuing a diagnosis.

Oh yes and I get obsessions, I’ll watch the same TV shows over and over again. I’ll research all about the cast and watch interviews. I get hobbies I’m obsessed with...until I’m not and I move on!

Once I've done somethign once and it works, I have to do that thing the same way every time i.e. if I take a route on a car or walking journey I have to do it the same way every time.
I'm the same with food, once I find something I like to eat I will eat that same one, two or three things every day for months until I discover something else.
I have a small range of interests which I focus on to the exclusion of other things, even being with people, currently it's reading science fiction/dystopian novels. Sometimes it's playing the guitar. For a while it was knitting (but I'm not very good).
Alot of the time I can't tell why people say things to me and don't know how I'm supposed to respond. I hate parties or any group situation where there has to be small talk or 'getting to know you' because I don't know what I want to know about other people and often I'm not interested but I have learned to fake it. It's exhausting.

I've always, always struggled and felt on the outside of any group and I had to learn by watching other people, even as an adult. I feel crushingly lonely yet unable to tolerate people being in my personal space.
My DD was dx last year with ASC; she's 25. I am convinced both her older DB's are also on the spectrum; they've really struggled over the years and the last thing I'd have imagined was autism. I just thought I didn't how to do motherhood even though for a long time how to parent was what I tried to learn through reading, watching and seeking information from other people.
It wasn't til my DD got her diagnosis and I had to be part of the assessment it began to dawn on me how similar we are; since then I notice more and more. When I told a friend about DD diagnosis he asked me if I'd ever wondered about myself as he has an autistic son and he'd thought I had many similar traits. That was a bit of a surprise.
I've had years and spent alot of money on private therapy to try and change myself but I still struggle with understanding other people and how to fit in.
I'm interested in that statement by @Meatshake. Where does that idea come from?

@NooneElseIsSingingMySong and yes to panic, overthinking things, eye contact is impossible even with my DC's and I've had some awful meltdowns as an adult when on holiday in a strange destination (it's one of the reasons I don't go away on holiday any more and I've embraced the staycation with relief)

God this sounds like me! And I have relatively recently started to question if I could be autistic. It makes sense to me.

im in my 40s and was diagnosed a few years ago. I found the process more straightforward than getting my children diagnosed, but they took the family history into account which helped.
If you have reason to think you are, and feel like you could benefit from understanding this about yourself or it might help you with extra support etc, then the first step is to ask your GP to refer you forward for assessment and tell them why

You sound very similar to me and I also wonder if I'm on the spectrum. Being on the spectrum didn't occur to me until my own son was diagnosed (he is 9) and it appears to be generic in my family. But it would explain a lot with me!

It does sound like anxiety too. I also suffer with anxiety but the two often go hand in hand.

I am not overly sociable but it's a myth that children or adults with asd are not sociable. My son is VERY sociable!

My sister was diagnosed in her 30s, explained a lot!!!

Have you done this - www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/autism-and-aspergers/adult-autism-test

My sister often annoys people and isn’t sure why. She also tends to rabbit on about herself and can’t read body language well. She doesn’t ask much about others, and struggles with empathy.

Yet she is one of the most loving, caring people I know.

OP, I hear you. I'm 35 and pretty sure I have undiagnosed dyspraxia. Everything just put down to being a clumsy child, she doesn't know how to do maths, she just doesn't like change etc etc.

Would love to find out how to be formally diagnosed at this age. It's impacted my life in lots of ways - eg I've never successfully learnt how to drive due to my lack of coordination and spacial awareness.

@JorisBonson you may be dyspraxia. It is often linked to ASD, but can stand alone. My friend was diagnosed in her 20s after failing her driving test 10 times.

*Dyspraxic

It seems almost fashionable to seek out an autism diagnosis these days. Any even slightly quirky trait or area of life that is remotely challenging = autism.

My brother is (severely) autistic and despite being in his early 40s doesn’t even understand that I’m his sister. He can barely speak, has little-no interest in others and has hugely challenging behaviour that requires medication to stabilise and control. Now that’s autistic. I understand that it is a wide spectrum but none of what you have described makes you sound remotely autistic. From what you have outlined in your post it just reads as anxiety and a preference for routine.

I think autism is talked about more because there's more known about it as a condition which has a wide spectrum of variables. When I was young Autism was almost always presented in a negative way. If people are beginning to make sense of their life long struggles for the first time that's got to be a good thing (well, in my case it would be anyway).