To think I could be autistic?

[EmmaA081]

Not really sure where to start.

I've always just felt like something is wrong with me.
The way I process thoughts. The way things really stick with me, the things that people say or do, I don't forget.

I always feel like I need things repeating to me. Or when someone tells me something I require a lot of detail in their story.
I ask a lot of questions to fully understand.

I don't like change. For instance, I moved offices at work and I spent weeks feeling upset and down about my new desk.
I hated that where I was sat, what I could see etc, it wasn't exactly the same as my old desk and it really upset me and made me anxious.

I like to have a set plan for things, and I find that if plans change I get frustrated and anxious.

If there are ever any risks I find it hard to rationalise them.
Eg. If you take that medicine there's a risk of side effect.
If you dye your hair there's a risk of an allergic reaction.

I struggle to take medication and I rarely dye my hair because I worry about the risks.

I'm actually a really social person and I do enjoy being around others. But I find it uncomfortable and hard for me to be around just one other person as I worry about what I should talk about.
Most of my friendships groups are 3's so I'm rarely alone with just one friend.
If there are 3 of us I'm chatty and confident as I flow with the conversation in the group.

I'm really hung up on what people think about me. I worry about what I've said or done.
I worry people think I'm a bad person, ugly, fat etc.

I find it really hard to show my emotions.
I've been with my husband for 9 years and he barely sees me cry unless I'm very upset or angry.

I can watch the saddest films but if I'm with someone I cannot cry at them.
Only if I'm alone can I feel the emotions and cry.

I know no one where can diagnose me, but I wanted to put this out there and ask for some opinions before I seek help.

I'm 32 and I know it wouldn't be easy to get a diagnosis as an adult.

@Crownofthorns

It seems almost fashionable to seek out an autism diagnosis these days. Any even slightly quirky trait or area of life that is remotely challenging = autism.

My brother is (severely) autistic and despite being in his early 40s doesn’t even understand that I’m his sister. He can barely speak, has little-no interest in others and has hugely challenging behaviour that requires medication to stabilise and control. Now that’s autistic. I understand that it is a wide spectrum but none of what you have described makes you sound remotely autistic. From what you have outlined in your post it just reads as anxiety and a preference for routine.

Thing is, though, as you admit it's a spectrum. My son was formally diagnosed at 3 so not a "quirk", now at 29 lives independently and mostly manages (struggles significantly in social situations, with unexpected change and to find work though). Still autistic, and he is further removed from your brother than these folk are from my son. I have to say, based on a lot of interaction over the years (both volunteering and at work) with people with autism but without additional learning diffciulties, OP could well be autistic. The issue is, would a formal diagnosis help them?

I have some traits of autism but only from researching online. I did not bother with a diagnosis as it wont change anything. We are what we are. What does it matter unless it affects work or living independently. Mine doesn't.

My brother is (severely) autistic and despite being in his early 40s doesn’t even understand that I’m his sister. He can barely speak, has little-no interest in others and has hugely challenging behaviour that requires medication to stabilise and control. Now that’s autistic. I understand that it is a wide spectrum but none of what you have described makes you sound remotely autistic. From what you have outlined in your post it just reads as anxiety and a preference for routine.

Just because you have a severely autistic relative doesn't mean you get to tell other people they aren't autistic because they aren't non-verbal or affected in the same ways.

Oh, and a preference for routine and needing things to be the same is literally part of the DSM criteria for ASD. And was so when it was autism and Aspergers too. There's also a strong correlation between Aspergers and anxiety.
You'r "now that's autistic" statement is incredibly dismissive of the very real problems autistic adults have. Not having a LD doesn't mean you aren't severely affected by autism. Being verbal doesn't mean you aren't severely affected by autism. And neither of those things mean you can live independently or work.
The kind of severe autism you describe isn't the only disabling kind. And having a severely autistic sibling doesn't make your the arbitrator of what's "real autism" and what isn't.

@Meatshake

"neurotypical people don't wonder if they're autistic"

I'm autistic, diagnosed at 32. It's common for women to be diagnosed late. My GP was absolutely useless so I ended up going privately (£900) and honestly it's changed my life just to know actually yeh you're autistic, no there's nothing wrong with that and actually you should be damn proud of what you have achieved in a world you're slightly out of sync with.

Hello How did having a diagnosis make your life better? Please explain this to me. Thank you

I have some traits of autism but only from researching online. I did not bother with a diagnosis as it wont change anything. We are what we are. What does it matter unless it affects work or living independently. Mine doesn't.

Having autistic traits does not equal having autism. It ticks me off when people say "i didn't bother with a diagnosis." Firstly because you ask for an assessment, you don't ask for a diagnosis. You only get a diagnosis if you meet the criteria. Secondly, you assume you'd even get one. Because "some autistic traits" won't get you anywhere near a diagnosis.
Thirdly, if you have the luxury of thinking a diagnosis so unimportant then you aren't disabled by what you think are autistic traits, are you? So it's pretty easy for you to say "we are what we are." People who do have significant autistic traits don't have that luxury.

I got diagnosed through the mental health service. I had OCD and depression following the birth of my first child, I got a diagnosis of "borderline high functioning" though, meaning they weren't 100% certain. I think it could be because us women tend to be good at "masking" autism it can be trickier to diagnose.

@NooneElseIsSingingMySong

Oh yes and I get obsessions, I’ll watch the same TV shows over and over again. I’ll research all about the cast and watch interviews. I get hobbies I’m obsessed with...until I’m not and I move on!

@NooneElseIsSingingMySong

I do this, all of the time!!

Based on my knowledge picked up from relatives/friends with autism, I feel you could be at the high functioning end of autism.

I feel the same as you OP. I've just started to wonder about myself. But I dont know if there's any point getting a diagnosis. It seems a much wider spectrum now than it used to be because people understand so much more.
I so identify with the medication and hair dye thing! I really need to dye my hair but I'm so scared. And I could really do with going on antidepressants but I know I'd be a wreck panicking about the side effects!

Based on my knowledge picked up from relatives/friends with autism, I feel you could be at the high functioning end of autism.

There is no "high functioning end of autism." The autistic spectrum doesn't run in a straight line with "low functioning" autism at one end and "high functioning" at the other end, it's a lot more complex than that.
All "high functioning" means in the context of autism is that the person does not have a learning disability.

High functioning is just an outdated term used to describe the effectiveness someone with asd has to mask / hide their self in an NT world. It glosses over the mental health impact of doing that, excuses society from supporting an individual appropriately basically rubber stamping them to not "need" support.

@Crownofthorns

It seems almost fashionable to seek out an autism diagnosis these days. Any even slightly quirky trait or area of life that is remotely challenging = autism.

My brother is (severely) autistic and despite being in his early 40s doesn’t even understand that I’m his sister. He can barely speak, has little-no interest in others and has hugely challenging behaviour that requires medication to stabilise and control. Now that’s autistic. I understand that it is a wide spectrum but none of what you have described makes you sound remotely autistic. From what you have outlined in your post it just reads as anxiety and a preference for routine.

Autism is a huge spectrum, years ago only the most severe were diagnosed and people assumed autism was someone who was non verbal and couldn’t function independently. Now things are very different as we know Autism can present in many different ways on many different levels which is why more people are being diagnosed.

I have 2 DD’s with Autism, one I would say is just quirky and suffers extreme anxiety, the other is hardly verbal and needs 1:1 support most of the time. I have suspected autism and anxiety and am similar to what OP describes other than being sociable, I’m fine talking to just one person but can’t cope with groups of people, I don’t have many close friends and the ones I do have are men (I can’t deal with female chit chat), I had many ASD traits as a child including sensory issues, never really fitted in anywhere and felt like everyone was laughing at things I did. I don’t feel I need to seek a diagnosis because it won’t change who I am and I don’t feel I need to prove anything to anyone about how I am.

YANBU. I've just paid for DS1 to be diagnosed, and am considering getting me diagnosed next.

I did wonder this when my DS said he thought I had autism.I thought I had bipolar disorder myself.I just took the test and I scored 16 which means I have many autistic traits.I always thought I was quirky through working with men so always different from women my own age.I can make eye contact but like some kind of order or control.I hate noisy situation s though so cannot watch tv with dh who has it on loud through hearing loss.
What difference would a diagnosis make in my 50s anyway?

OP I can relate to some of what you describe but not other parts. But as PP have said, autism is a spectrum so your experience of it may well be different to mine and only a specialist can give you a definitive answer.

I was diagnosed two years ago (I'm in my late 30s). It has helped me immensely. The process was straightforward. I spoke to my GP and she referred me to a specialist.

While I had achieved very well in terms of academics/ career, I had spent my life struggling with baffling social rules and extreme anxiety, and trying to change myself to live up to other people's expectations, at great cost to my mental and physical health. I am now much kinder to myself. I have also met many autistic women so have now got a support network that understands my issues. Diagnosis has been very positive for me, and I believe life would have been far less of a struggle had I been diagnosed as a child. Understanding yourself is a very important part of self-acceptance and therefore, in my opinion, necessary for finding contentment and happiness.

@WeFoundAHat

OP I can relate to some of what you describe but not other parts

Which parts are / aren't relatable to you?

Hi there, for those of you diagnosed aged 30plus, what benefit has the diagnosis given you? What help do you get post diagnosis that you couldn’t get before?
I’m genuinely interested because I too think I may be in the spectrum after recognising similarities with my son during his diagnosis. I have put off taking my suspicions further as I genuinely don’t know what difference it will make.

@Lolalime
Hi - I asked the very same question yesterday afternoon for similar reasons.
Please can someone tell us how or why a diagnosis is beneficial.
Thank you!

OP your post could have been written by my DD who has high functioning autism. She's 16. My DH who is 60 says he really wishes he had sought a diagnosis when he was younger. He shares her traits and more and has strong ADD traits . It's a spectrum within a spectrum. It's more common than people realise. My DD is in a stronger position with a diagnosis to get support in life. It is making her more confident to feel ok about who she is. You can make enquires with your local authority or seek a private diagnosis.

Ways in which a diagnosis helps me:

• if I am in a situation that I am struggling with I can be kind to myself.

• if something happens that I don't understand I use diagnosis as a tool for understanding ('im sorry, I think i might have upset you, it's not obvious but I'm autistic so sometimes miss nuances"

• daughters preschool "I'm diagnosed autistic. If I'm doing something wrong/not getting something please let me know in very blunt terms!"

• I don't have a job. I would love to change that but also autism excuses it somewhat.

It's just a plaster for death by a thousand papercuts. I'm not antisocial, thick, oblivious, unfriendly, can't make friends, doesn't understand people, say the wrong thing all the time. I'm autistic. I'll say it til I'm blue in the face, I don't understand fucking hints and I don't understand pointed looks. I don't get "what's wrong?" "Nothing", I will take you at face value. And there is a reason for that, and it is NOT stupidity.

There is the question of whether it is too much of a crutch at times 🤷 but so far, so good.

@Meatshake
Thank you very much for answering.
I'm glad that it has helped you.

A diagnosis has helped me immeasurably in many ways but the most significant two are:

1. Work: I am now better understood so my behaviour at times is understood and I’m not just being selfish or rude. I don’t spend every day stressing that I’m going to be sacked (which made me very ill in the past, to point of suicide).

1. I like myself a bit more as I now understand why I failed socially and couldn’t relate to all these “normal” people around me who could effortlessly make friends and chat. I also don’t bother trying to fit in any more which is much less stressful and beneficial to my mental health.

When I first realised I could be autistic it became an absolute obsession (and I don’t use that word lightly). I HAD to know - I do not understand how anyone who thinks they might be autistic could just shrug and say well it’s just a label and I don’t need someone else to tell me. I did. I needed a formal diagnosis. (And it’s absolutely not “just a label”)

@Scautish

A diagnosis has helped me immeasurably in many ways but the most significant two are:

1. Work: I am now better understood so my behaviour at times is understood and I’m not just being selfish or rude. I don’t spend every day stressing that I’m going to be sacked (which made me very ill in the past, to point of suicide).

1. I like myself a bit more as I now understand why I failed socially and couldn’t relate to all these “normal” people around me who could effortlessly make friends and chat. I also don’t bother trying to fit in any more which is much less stressful and beneficial to my mental health.

When I first realised I could be autistic it became an absolute obsession (and I don’t use that word lightly). I HAD to know - I do not understand how anyone who thinks they might be autistic could just shrug and say well it’s just a label and I don’t need someone else to tell me. I did. I needed a formal diagnosis. (And it’s absolutely not “just a label”)

Your last paragraph is actual life. Seriously, identical. I spent hours if not actual days reading nothing but adult diagnosis autism, medical journals.

I’ve often wondered myself.

16 yr old DS has autism (‘high functioning’ in so much as he doesn’t have a learning disability and in fact met all his developmental milestones as a little one; but diagnosed at 5 yrs old and it has and does impact his life in the extreme - extreme anxiety, extreme demand avoidance, difficulties around social interaction, ).

Looking back at my childhood, I can see there was something going on. I was bright, sociable, popular... but I had extreme anxiety, explosive meltdowns and at one point the school thought I was partially deaf as I would completely zone out and not respond to teachers when I was stressed. I wonder about ADHD, too, as my concentration as a kid and still to this day is either extremely narrowly focussed for hours to the point if obsession or it is all over the place, and I find organising myself on a daily basis SO challenging.

Through my adult years I have had mental health and addiction issues, now thankfully under control, but with a bit of clarity I do think I was self medicating with addictive substances and that my MH issues were very much as a result of the immense stress of masking my different way of experiencing the world (very common with autistic females).

I haven’t sought diagnosis, as currently I don’t feel it will change anything for me personally. I try to treat myself kindly, as someone who is not NT. that may change, though. Diagnosis has been key for my DS to access therapies, be understood by others and understand himself better.

I also feel like you op, slightly different reasons but I'm pretty sure I am. I have 3dc who also show signs, one of them more so than the others and he's currently going through diagnosis/assessment, although it's pretty certain he has autism.
I know a lady who was diagnosed as an adult and she feels relieved to finally know she's not odd, and have an explanation for her ways. She's a manager in her job, she's a mum and a lovely lady. She makes me feel positive about the whole thing.
My own gp is extremely dismissive in general so I won't be discussing myself with him.
If you have a nice gp then I'd go for it op.