Page 4 | My kids are making me ill

Haggistech · 2020-08-27T19:51:23+00:00

Hello, not a mum but hope that is ok So lets start with I am currently taking Sertraline for Depression and Anxiety My kids just seem to want to wind me up constantly., i am sure they go out of there way to annoy me and wind me up I often find myself with my head in my hands actually feeling ill and on the verge of tears My wife says just to switch off but i cant I feel like they are actually going to push me over the edge

Barbie222 · 27/08/2020 22:20

@Cocomarine

Actually, reading your title again... I don’t think that’s helpful, or fair. Your kids are not responsible for this, they’re not making you ill. Your mental health issues are why you are ill, and that is making it harder for you to cope with your children right now. Don’t blame them - and think carefully about your language to watch out for when you are. You really might benefit from talking therapy to look at how you are framing that.

I agree with this, and wonder if your expectations of your children's behaviour and ability to regulate etc are too high. Cbt might help with framing your thoughts so that you understand why you are feeling as you do and help you separate this from the children.

It's great that you are asking for help.

Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:20

@AngryFeminist

That's not little things! You've had and have so much grief to deal with, and being around the relentlessness of young kids makes it impossible to have the time and space you naturally want to do that. It's then massively heightened by depression and anxiety and of course lockdown. I suffer with my MH too and when I'm having a dark period my son's totally normal, bombastic 4 year old behaviour feels unbearably irritating. Like a kebab skewer through the brain. I have definitely been there with my head in my hands wanting to cry because I just can't deal with the sensory onslaught.

I think like others have said though, it's important to recognise that these are our issues and not the kids'- as such, as well as the meds, concentrate on self care so that you can be present with them and enjoy them. That often looks boring as shit but it keeps the wheels on - as much sleep and sun as you can get, good diet, talk to someone regularly about how you feel.

Good luck, andassive props for seeking help - that alone shows what a good dad you are.

I dont see an actual councillor yet due to Covid, but i do talk to the Mental Health First Aider at work, shes a lovely woman and very easy to talk to

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CoronaBollox · 27/08/2020 22:21

OP young children can be proper arseholes. They find stuff hilarious, can be cheeky and defiant. Try see it from a 3 year olds brain rather than them trying to wind you up etc. Look how funny it is daddy looking everywhere and I know where it is har har.

My DD is 3 and some days I think her sole purpose is to see if she can break me. She wont

Go to your GP and seek further help, the mind of a depressed person can be a lonely place, dont get sucked in to it.

Tistheseason17 · 27/08/2020 22:21

I cannot believe some of these posts piling in on OP for daring to share his MH concerns and asking for help,not judgement.

OP - Do look at the link above and also Talking Therapies. Ask your GP for referral to IAPT. There is help available and well done for reaching out for it.

Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:23

@CoronaBollox

OP young children can be proper arseholes. They find stuff hilarious, can be cheeky and defiant. Try see it from a 3 year olds brain rather than them trying to wind you up etc. Look how funny it is daddy looking everywhere and I know where it is har har.

My DD is 3 and some days I think her sole purpose is to see if she can break me. She wont

Go to your GP and seek further help, the mind of a depressed person can be a lonely place, dont get sucked in to it.

haha i know that feeling well

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Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:23

@Tistheseason17

I cannot believe some of these posts piling in on OP for daring to share his MH concerns and asking for help,not judgement.

OP - Do look at the link above and also Talking Therapies. Ask your GP for referral to IAPT. There is help available and well done for reaching out for it.

Thank you, i will ask at my appointment

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tickertyboo · 27/08/2020 22:26

Haggistech - I'm glad to hear that you're getting back into working on your car and doing your documenting. It's really important to hold on to those hobbies that you enjoy and get a lot of meaning from.

What is it about the car and the documenting that you enjoy?

Delbelleber · 27/08/2020 22:27

@Haggistech

SO a normal day for us is like this

I work 7 - 3 so i have a good part of the day to play with the kids, on nice days we will be out the garden on the trampoline or away a walk somewhere. On rainy days we will play board games or watch TV.

So a few examples

Today is one that he just kept going with. I currently have a sore back from playing with the 7 yr old and he jumped on my back knees first. he did not mean to hurt me just one of those things

The 3 yr old tonight was going to his bed and wanted to watch tv, so i said that was fine and told him he had 30 mins (he has nursery tomorrow) I asked him where his TV buttons were he said in his room so away he went to watch tv

5 mins later he comes back down saying he needs his telly buttons, he now says they are in my bedroom, so back upstairs i go to get them for him, but not in my room either.

So i say to him, if you want your TV on you need to tell me where you put the buttons....his reply was

"I dont know maybe i hid them"

So i thought ok lets try make a game out of this and make it who can find them first. he just sat there letting me looking finding the whole thing hilarious.

It might sound petty to some but where your mind is already in a dark place it does not feel petty

He can't remember where he put them and now they are lost?? Slightly annoying but not worth getting wound up about

BlueJag · 27/08/2020 22:28

Get out of MN as quick as you can. Some people are lovely but most are going to eat you alive.
I suggest therapy ( I'm a counsellor) works very well with medication. People get better sooner. Highly recommended.
Try to have time alone, a good calm app, exercise. You sound vulnerable at the moment.
The kids aggravate things because you aren't in a good place but you will be if you take care of yourself.

Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:28

@tickertyboo

Haggistech - I'm glad to hear that you're getting back into working on your car and doing your documenting. It's really important to hold on to those hobbies that you enjoy and get a lot of meaning from.

What is it about the car and the documenting that you enjoy?

The car i have now was a car i fancied for years, i do my best to keep it in top top conditions

The documenting i enjoy just learning new things

There was a school nears my grandparents house when i as younger i have started researching it as it was built in 1876. Have spoken to some former pupils etc and now detailing it all in a document that i will then send to the local history club and the old pupils etc

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Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:29

@BlueJag

Get out of MN as quick as you can. Some people are lovely but most are going to eat you alive. I suggest therapy ( I'm a counsellor) works very well with medication. People get better sooner. Highly recommended. Try to have time alone, a good calm app, exercise. You sound vulnerable at the moment. The kids aggravate things because you aren't in a good place but you will be if you take care of yourself.

Thank you :)

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Inkpaperstars · 27/08/2020 22:31

How long have you been on the Sertraline, and what dose?

tickertyboo · 27/08/2020 22:33

Haggistech - you sound as if you were very close to your grandparents, as you mention the school near your grandparents house when you were younger. What is it that you miss the most about them?

Blankblankblank · 27/08/2020 22:35

I hope, maybe after a dose increase, things start feeling easier & you manage to access counselling soon

Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:35

@tickertyboo

Haggistech - you sound as if you were very close to your grandparents, as you mention the school near your grandparents house when you were younger. What is it that you miss the most about them?

I used to spend hours with my grandad in his shed, making stuff, playing with tools, him teaching me how to use different tools

My Gran taught me how to bake

@Inkpaperstars around 6 months, started on 50mg then moved to 100 then 150mg, he said its best to build it up

OP posts:

Inkpaperstars · 27/08/2020 22:38

I am on 150 mg too, I was asking in case you were on a lower dose and maybe needed to up it. Do you feel it has helped you? If you feel the same or worse it might be worth trying a different medication.

Legoandloldolls · 27/08/2020 22:38

Do you have access to IESO in your area? Its talking therapy online.

Also have you sat your wife down and told her you are really struggling? I think you should. Then you can agree on a action plan and she can give you some accountability to do it ( like talk to gp, change meds, find some therapy)

Dont worry about therapy, its mainly CBT now. It involves you changing your thoughts into more positive thoughts.

Also, it's fine and valid to feel like this. It's normal to just become overwhelmed with lots of little things. You need to digest each little thing, the losses etc and process them to file into a place where you can deal with those emotions, not just push it all down and put on front while working and parenting little kids.

Make you a priority. Set some time to make a change

Original poster

Haggistech · 27/08/2020 22:38

@Inkpaperstars

I am on 150 mg too, I was asking in case you were on a lower dose and maybe needed to up it. Do you feel it has helped you? If you feel the same or worse it might be worth trying a different medication.

Yeah will speak to GP about whether to move to 200 or change meds

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Supersimkin2 · 27/08/2020 22:42

OP, you sound lovely.

Kids are irritating and when you're ill anyway it's just draining. Women complain nonstop. Sympathies

Don't let the 7 yr old jump on your back again, you're both too old and you'll get hurt :)

tickertyboo · 27/08/2020 22:44

Haggistech - it sounds as if they very much cared for you. Have you thought about passing on those skills they taught you to your own children? I bet your children would really enjoy doing those things with you.

Tistheseason17 · 27/08/2020 22:45

OP - Another good thing for the mind is exercise. Just 20-30 mins a day once the kids are in bed will make the world of difference

Vodkacranberryplease · 27/08/2020 22:51

@Haggistech Being totally objective here (I don't have children and I have had depression) I think you are definitely wound too tight at the moment and things that you would ususlly take in your stride are really getting to you (Judging by your responses, which are definitely a bit more than they need to be). Maybe try switching meds? I also bought this thing called an alphastim Aid. It's good technology and might help a lot. Mine has. About £500 I think.

Also I think that when your older children were younger you didn't spend as much time day to day with them? I'm reading this thread and everyone is saying how normal it is for kids to behave like this and I'm thinking "Is it? Jesus." But I think that when you spend that much time with them then they obviously test out their less pleasant side on you. Women (apart from me) appear to be wired to be ultra patient. This would drive me potty though.

Im guessing this is natures way of making sure we don't throttle the little shits darlings. But still. Anyway sadly it's happening and the flip side will be an incredible bond with them as they grow.

There will be extra parenting knowledge needed on your part - think of it as an advanced driving course for parenting. You can already drive - this is the next level. So they are just a little less annoying, which is doing the world a favour too.

But you'll need to lose the worst of the depression etc because they can sense fear and weakness. Which doesn't help. Try the alpha stim if you can afford it, there's a lot of science behind them and mine worked. Though you have to keep using them.

Inkpaperstars · 27/08/2020 22:59

It's always a difficult patch changing meds but sometimes for reasons no one understands one works better than another. It can vary even for the same person, I have taken Prozac twice and one time it worked well but the next time just made me feel ill. Good luck with things, I hope your GP is helpful.

lakesidesummer · 27/08/2020 23:08

Okay OP, initially I had assumed these were your first dc as the level of struggle you were experiencing was out of kilter with what they are doing.
Maybe try and think back to how your older dc were when they were little, not through the rose tinted glasses it is easy to acquire over time but the at times painful and trying reality of raising dc that you have been through already.
I wouldn't rule out a parenting class if there is an online one available. Parenting can change over time and if you are struggling with what normal dc behavior at this age is it might be a useful refresher.
As others have said your dc aren't making you ill, your illness is making parenting hard.
Hopefully your GP will help with giving you more support.

Vodkacranberryplease · 27/08/2020 23:16

@lakesidesummer I think that 15-20 years ago very few dads saw children long enough for them to see this level of annoying! I've got nieces and nephews I adore snd have spent time around children and ive not seen this!

The only time I've seen anything like this is on super nanny

Great program OP you'll learn a lot.