AIBU to delete friends number after 15+ years?

[OliBolsMum]

First time poster, don't be gentle as I'm looking for honesty! AIA for the long post.

Bit of background... met a woman around 15 years ago, became fast friends, had periods where life got ahead of us but always met up like no time had passed. Fast forward to 2017. My life falls apart. Left my DH and moved back in with parents, Mother passes away and SD asks me to leave. At this point I am effectively living out of my car and sleeping on my new DPs parents living room floor. DP has a DSD whose mother is close with my friend's brother, who relays every aspect of our relationship back to DSD mum, causing numerous issues. This caused friction between me and my friend, but I tried to let it slide.

Friend had constantly been asking me to go away on a girly holiday with her. After my mum passed, I had no excuse and so decided to agree. We got together, booked the holiday (I pay, she agrees to transfer her half, as we always have done in the past). Then she tells me she can't really afford it but should be able to save up in time. 6 weeks later, she still hasn't told her DH we are going away (in 3 weeks time). After confronting her she tells me she can't afford it. I'm now £1k out of pocket for a holiday she wanted, with 3 weeks to go. I end up paying for a new passport and name change for my DP as I can't cancel.

On return, me and DP make plans for her and DH to come to ours for tea. 2 hours after they were supposed to turn up, with us trying to pacify a crying DSD who is hungry and can't wait any longer, she cancels. AFTER we'd made a special effort to buy food she wanted.

I'm livid and tell her as much. She tells me I am being mean and will speak to me after she comes back from a holiday abroad to see her and DH friends (spent £££ on). I kick off again re the earlier holiday mis-hap.

Three years pass and I have attempted to make contact several times. I only get responses that say I have hurt her deeply and she needs time to trust me again, or that she is out with her 'best' friends and that life has been awful for her.

So........ AIBU to:

1. Just delete her number - I was in the wrong and I have ruined the friendship.
2. Just delete her number - She'll always be flaky and is not worth my time.
3. Keep chipping away, don't throw away 15+ years of friendship?

2! And I would have done it after the holiday !

Why would you even want to be friends with her?
Just delete her number and get on with your life
I can't believe you had to ask what to do 🙄

1. Why the hell does she need 'time to trust you again' when it was HER that was in the wrong?

You calling her out was entirely justified. She can't hold it against you, being angry when she behaved appallingly!

1. Definitely. Don’t waste any more time or emotions on her.

I was going to say it’s a clear cut 2, then I read option 4.
now I’m going with 4.

I think you might find it interesting to examine your thinking about the meaning of loyalty - the idea that people love you but treat you badly, is that a lesson you grew up with? - Perhaps it is time to realise that people who treat you badly do NOT care for you.
It can be a revelation.....

OP, She thinks you are in the wrong. FFS, ditch her. She's awful

This is not a friend, this is just somebody you have known for a long time.

There is a difference. Friends are supposed to like you, enjoy your company and be considerate. She fails on all counts.

Delete, block and forget.

1. Can't believe you stuck it out this long tbh

Op you have the patience of a ruddy Saint. Option 2 every time

The real question is why is your self-esteem so low that you're running around after a self-centred bitch who doesn't give a shit about you?

Why do you keep trying??

2

Hi OP. I read a thread yesterday where someone posted that in life there are two kinds of people: givers and takers. This really resonated with me and after some thought, I realize it’s true and I can easily group people into each category. She sounds like a taker, she’ll always cause you heartache.

Definitely 2 or 4 if you're feeling brave.

One question though, why did YOU pay to change the details and get your DP a passport?

1. Send her a text detailing this and telling her you're deleting her number and hope she has a. Nice life.

Probably no point but I wouldn't be able to not do this.

2

2 definitely. I had a friend like this once. Best thing i did was cut her off

2 - she sounds hard work. I can't stand people who behave badly and then put that on others when they are called out on it.

You only need people in your life who enhance it in some way, people who drag you down need cutting free. Holding onto bad friendships just to have "a" friendship is counter productive.

Let it go, you may think about her alot to start with but it will soon be forgotten.

2, though preferable 4.

Its not just her selfishiness but the attempt to make you feel that you standing for yourself against her, somehow makes you the bad guy and that you need to work to rebuild her trust!

I had a friend like this, prob also for about 15 years, and when I finally said 'NO' to her similar manipulations, it felt so great to be free!

Cut yourself loose!

2 deffo.

Honestly, that friendship was over years ago, she had been clear about it, forget about 1, 2 and 3, just leave her alone as she asked (however ungrateful and unfair she is)

2!

Why are you asking? I'd have ditched her years ago!