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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spidey senses set off neighbours partner

93 replies

Acdcccc · 27/08/2020 13:28

Buckle up this might be a long one so as to not drip feed...

Woman and three kids moved in next door a year ago and things didn't start off well. Her mum kept parking in front of my drive and other drives in the street. I ignored it the first couple of times till i reached boiling point on a rainy night and had my baby in the car and couldn't park due to her car being in the way.

There was possibility an edge to my voice but tried to ask politely as i could for her to move her car which she did. Anyhow, have been given the cold shoulder ever since but i live and live.

Next problem is new partner on the scene there every day and has also taken to parking in front of my drive way. I've ignored it so far as have been without a car for the last few months. Only when I'm expecting guests to i ask for car to be moved.

Inconsiderate parking aside there is something that creeps me out when ever we cross paths. Besides the occasional hi I've not spoken to him at all but there is just something about him that sets off my spidey senses.

Add to that i notice her partner is never there when what I presume is a social worker visits the mum. (this officious looking guy with a clipboard vists the house every fortnight so can only assume he's a social worker but then again not sure)

I know the above is a lot of assumptions and don't really know what I'm looking for sharing these hunches or if the parking issues have influenced my perception of him.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 27/08/2020 15:05

Everyone on here seems to be surprised that you are concerned about your NDN choice of partner .However how many times have we been told that we should keep an eye out for anything suspicious? Seems we cant win! Do you hear any noises from the house ,do the children look well cared for when you see them? Maybe keep an eye out ,but if nothing seems remiss not much you can do really?

PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2020 15:07

Add to that i notice her partner is never there when what I presume is a social worker visits the mum. (this officious looking guy with a clipboard vists the house every fortnight so can only assume he's a social worker but then again not sure)

OP, let's look at the evidence here. Partner never there when clipboard guy visits every couple of weeks. Have you ever thought it could be her "bit on the side" in disguise calling round?

Keep em peeled OP!!! Hmm

PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2020 15:09

However how many times have we been told that we should keep an eye out for anything suspicious?

Since March, the government positively encouraged it!!!

DespairingHomeowner · 27/08/2020 15:11

OP - if the partner is basically living there and you suspect that she is committing benefit fraud or wrongly claiming single persons council tax discount feel free to report her giving the car reg in your report

I think he’s likely to be a probation officer or similar but that’s not especially your business - benefit fraud arguably might be, blocking your drive : it’s in the Highway Code not to so v clear on why that would annoy you , but you’ve said and now not much more to do

Fairyliz · 27/08/2020 15:12

Don’t ignore your senses. I’ve done it on two occasions and both times it was a very serious problem.
We are taught as women to be nice kind polite, especially to men but remember you don’t have to be.

DespairingHomeowner · 27/08/2020 15:13

If it’s a child welfare check and he’s making himself scarce: that’s suspicious and you may be right to be concerned

BashfulClam · 27/08/2020 15:13

@dottiedodah

Everyone on here seems to be surprised that you are concerned about your NDN choice of partner .However how many times have we been told that we should keep an eye out for anything suspicious? Seems we cant win! Do you hear any noises from the house ,do the children look well cared for when you see them? Maybe keep an eye out ,but if nothing seems remiss not much you can do really?
But there is nothing suspicious about the dude at all for now.
DullDullWeather · 27/08/2020 15:15

YABU for "spidey senses"

damnthatanxiety · 27/08/2020 15:22

@PhilCornwall1

So do you mean to tell me you don't notice neighbours coming and going, even by chance?

Haven't got a clue what my neighbours do or who comes and visits. Took me 4 days to realise my next door neighbours had been away, only because I was out the front and saw them come back.

We've had someone new move in two doors up and I couldn't tell you what they look like and they've been there since May.

Well that is a sad state of affairs. You have no connection with your neighbours at all. Why would you be proud of this?
user1471538283 · 27/08/2020 15:35

Make sure they don't park across your drive way at all. Maybe even park across it yourself.

bloodywhitecat · 27/08/2020 15:40

I have three or four social workers who regularly call at my house but none of them carry a clipboard (and I am a perfectly nice, safe person).

Parking across my drive would piss me off too and I would speak to them about that.

Cosmos45 · 27/08/2020 15:42

I don't think anyone in this day and age carries clipboards do they?

Jayaywhynot · 27/08/2020 15:44

Its probably the Tally Man if he has a clipboard Smile

Captnip500 · 27/08/2020 15:54

@DespairingHomeowner

If it’s a child welfare check and he’s making himself scarce: that’s suspicious and you may be right to be concerned
So not only are we now assuming this guy is a social worker because of his stationary and ‘officious’ look. But how we know that he is there to do a child welfare check! Social workers do many things including arranging support for people with physical and mental health problems, support for children with special needs, perhaps this woman had an elderly parent who is about to go into a care home and is talking it through with social services. But no no, let’s assume there are neglectful parents and the partner is a maniac!

This man coming around could simply be a friend who drops around after work and I particularly attached to his stationary!

SmellsLikeFeet · 27/08/2020 15:55

@DespairingHomeowner

If it’s a child welfare check and he’s making himself scarce: that’s suspicious and you may be right to be concerned
My thoughts too
PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2020 15:58

Well that is a sad state of affairs. You have no connection with your neighbours at all. Why would you be proud of this?

Where did I say that? I was simply stating a couple of facts, nothing more.

MsInsomniac · 27/08/2020 15:59

I’m a probation officer and I’ve never owned a clipboard! We are also discreet when visiting, dress casually and don’t wear badges etc. Fortnightly home visits entering the house would not be happening right now due to Covid.
It’ll be a loan / debt collector

OneTC · 27/08/2020 16:01

You don't have to be sitting with your nose pressed to the window to notice what goes on.

But it helps right?

Thripp · 27/08/2020 16:05

I can't be doing with all this "spidey senses" nonsense.

I suggest you forget all the irrational stuff and simply ask your neighbour (or her partner) politely not to park in front of your drive.

midsomermurderess · 27/08/2020 16:10

This is just a bit well, schemey. As much of AIBU is.

BrassicaRabbit · 27/08/2020 16:14

I've worked in a job involving child protection in the past and it is really interesting (and depressing) seeing the responses to posts like this.

I see this kind of attitude running through all levels of society. From the elite boys club, where if you went to the right school and wear the right suit, you can behave how you like; to special celebrity or religious untouchable status that allows the likes of dodgy priests or Jimmy Saville to operate; to cultures of fear in organisations such as the NHS that discourage whistleblowers; to the tacit agreement on the street to mind your own business, keep your nose out etc. Do you know who benefits most from this arrangement? Abusive males.

OP you are not being unreasonable to have spidey senses and to notice them. We feel fear for very good reasons although of course that doesn't mean we're always right. You are not being unreasonable to notice what's going on in your neighbourhood. Vulnerable people are far better helped by attitudes like yours than by the attitudes I outlined above.

I think you recognise yourself that there's very little you can do with your current observations. You've made it clear that you are in fact a very tolerant neighbour, which is why the outrage expressed by some pp seems quite out of place. Personally I'd listen to your feelings, stay very alert to the partner and keep notes if needed. Report to Social services if any signs of abuse to your neighbour or her children.

Oh and one more thing, thinking about the parking issue. My local police are currently running a scheme where they crack down on minor driving offences because they've discovered that there's a link between that and perpetrators of serious crimes.

HijabiVenus · 27/08/2020 16:26

@ncdtoday123

Why wouldn't you notice people coming and going in your street? You don't have to be sitting with your nose pressed to the window to notice what goes on.

It's incredibly inconsiderate of them to keep blocking your drive - it's just not acceptable and shows they've got a bad attitude.

Don't ignore your gut instinct, every time I have done, I've regretted it. There's probably nothing you need to do, but just be wary of them if you've got a bad feeling.

There seems to be a great many people who hate the idea of people looking out of their windows. That's what they are there for!
TheOrigBrave · 27/08/2020 16:26

"this officious looking guy with a clipboard vists the house every fortnight so can only assume he's a social worker"

That's such a bizarre assumption to make!

chubbyhotchoc · 27/08/2020 16:28

Well probably not. If you think they're dodgy they might be but I would advise caution. When I was a kid we lived in quite a nice area, certainly not the type of area you would expect the following to happen. My mum was a single parent and there was another single mum living across the road. There was a couple of low level cross words over the years but nothing terrible until this woman got a boyfriend. One Sunday this bloke thought it was really funny to soak my gran with a hose he was washing the car with. My mum confronted him and about three hours later three men plus the boyfriend appeared in our front path with hammers and proceeded to smash every single window in the front of our house. We had to move after that. I'd lay low if I was you because you don't really know who you're dealing with.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 27/08/2020 16:39

Do you think the man with the clipboard is doing an Opinion Poll?
Perhaps he keeps coming back to see if they have changed their mind?