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Original poster

Unrecognisable teenagers

84 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/08/2020 10:08

Anyone else struggle to recognise the teenager that their teachers describe?

Apparently my daughter is an absolute delight.

Seems she keeps all her delightfulness for everyone but us.

Are they all like this?

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/08/2020 11:35

Normal. We actually have a photo that encapsulates this perfectly - last birthday (preCovid) DS went karting with 4 pals and then for a meal, we have a pic of the 4 pals just smiling at the camera, looking so sweet and happy, and DS just scowling as if we'd dragged him down some sort of maths-based salt mine for the day.

Funny thing is every other parent commented on it saying that our DS was the sunniest politest boy when he was in their house...

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/08/2020 11:37

Teensplaining is a bloody brilliant word by the way. I do feel so blessed that my DS knows everything about everything... Hmm

itsgettingweird · 27/08/2020 11:41

My ds is whatever mood he's in wherever he is for whoever is there Grin

He is autistic. Generally he's extremely passive and polite and very well spoken and everyone comments on it.

But aggregated and stressed he don't care who you are - you're gonna know about it Hmm

roundandsideways · 27/08/2020 11:45

According to the school, my eldest (hf asd), is quiet and doesn't socialise. At hone he is kind, has a sharp wit, patient with younger siblings, and easy to,chat with. But then I have Aspergers so that may be why we get on so well

Bloomburger · 27/08/2020 11:46

Yep, I don't recognise my 6ft miserable mute (other than the odd grunt) shit bag son as the adorable chatty boy that I've just been told he is!

KatharinaRosalie · 27/08/2020 11:46

Not just teenagers. Apparently my DD (4), who is THE most stubborn child, who has huge, massive screaming tantrums every time she does not get her way with the tiniest things.. is an absolute delight. Lovely, helpful, listens well, caring, considerate..
DH and I were both sitting there like this Confused and checked if she had not mixed my DD up with another child. But no, and all the parents who have had her over for play dates say the same, lovely funny delightful polite child. So just a pain in the backside when she's with us.

steppemum · 27/08/2020 11:47

Oh this thread has thoroughly cheered me up.

I have 3 teens. All teenspainlers, bu the worst is the 12 year old. I am dreading the next few years.

ds is now 17. Having passed his driving test and got a girlfriend it is like the stroppy teen has been replaced by a lovely adult young man. Long may it last!
He was the one who at parents evenings literally was like - Yes sir, no sir to the teachers, while dh and I looked at him in blank incomprehension, as he was SO BLOODY RUDE at home. Never quite crossing the line, just so dismissive and know it all.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/08/2020 11:48

I often used to check - "Hold on. We are talking about the same kid, here, aren't we?"

lborgia · 27/08/2020 11:50

We’ve decided that as long as our kids are lovely to everyone else, we will put up with the stuff at home.

Very little that can’t be put under the umbrella of teen shit, but enough to make me want to scream at times. But then, apparently we are beyond the pale too sometimes, so I consider us even Grin.

YANBU.

lborgia · 27/08/2020 11:51

OMG, @steppemum, I have JUST used teensplaining in a shout for the first time today! Drives me MAD.

hiredandsqueak · 27/08/2020 11:55

Ds was a devil in school yet the perfect child at home or anywhere else. I think that is probably worse than the opposite though. He loved school thought it was the perfect place to lark about with his mates and cause mayhem. I was very happy once he had left, he went to uni, secured a good career and has never been a problem anywhere outside of school.

ancientgran · 27/08/2020 11:57

Sexnotgender When do they turn into normal human beings again? Well going by my 4 it can be anywhere between 18 and well the late 40s one hasn't quite got there yet but is improving. I live in hope.

The one who was worst grew out of it fastest i.e. 18.

ancientgran · 27/08/2020 11:59

Just to worry everyone I have to say a teensplaining GC is even worse. I find it particularly annoying when a 15 year old opens up by saying, "In my experience." Sometimes I laugh but sometimes I really want to scream.

Beamur · 27/08/2020 11:59

I am so afraid of this! Shock
DD is 13 and is just great to be around, she fun and feisty and opinionated but is also polite, helpful and co-operative.
She's more relaxed at home I think than school, so I reckon we see the better side of her. Teachers and other parents have always been complimentary about her behaviour. She's not angelic but she is respectful.

Rosebel · 27/08/2020 12:05

My eldest is so quiet, so hardworking, so helpful according to her teachers. I just assume they've mixed her up with another pupil of the same name!

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/08/2020 12:08

why would you be less polite to your family who love and care for you than you would be to a stranger in the street

That’s what I struggle with, she’s incredibly lucky, we provide well for her and it just feels like she throws it in our face.

OP posts:
Rubyroost · 27/08/2020 12:08

Teachers tend to exaggerate to placate parents and to avoid any negative interactions. It is also relative, your daughter may be seen in comparison to her peers who are worse than her.

SacreBleeurgh · 27/08/2020 12:09

If it’s any consolation this was 100% me. At school, I was on every committee going, top of the class, everyone’s friend, super helpful, incredibly well behaved, sporty, won all the prizes.... I was an absolute NIGHTMARE at home; tantrums, screaming, shouting, argumentative, crying - AWFUL. I snapped out of it at 17 and I’m now a highly educated professional with two children of my own and a decent relationship with my parents for the most part! Any drama tends to stem from them now! 100% normal and I’ll bet they’ll grow out of it soon enough. In fact my brother, who never went through that stage, is the one who’s still an absolute liability with no direction in life... maybe it’s a good thing?!

ZenZebra · 27/08/2020 12:10

My teenage DD is apparently quiet in class and sometimes needs to be encouraged to give her opinion on things.

My chin hitting the floor must have been quite obvious because the teacher followed it up with, "Oh, isn't she like that at home?" Erm no.

We also had the same in reverse when DD complained constantly that a particular teacher didn't like her and was always telling her off. For days before the Yr 9 parents evening she warned me about Mrs X and how much she disliked her.

DD sat open-mouthed as Mrs X talked about how lovely and hard-working she was and how she hoped that she would carry on with that subject at GCSE. :o

BiBabbles · 27/08/2020 12:11

Watching my son doing online classes was really eye opening.

Seeing how engaged he was in a topic I'd tried teaching him the year before and how social & bubbly he was when there are days I barely get a mutter.

I can see glimmers of him coming out of the teen funk, but it's still very up and down and random chance what I'll get with him.

Deathraystare · 27/08/2020 12:12

I think it’s quite common. You / your home is a safe space for your teenagers where they feel like they don’t have to maintain good behaviour etc.

Reminds me so much of the Kevin and Perry sketch where Perry is so polite to Kevin's mum but then phones his own mum and is a little horror!

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/08/2020 12:14

If it’s any consolation this was 100% me. At school, I was on every committee going, top of the class, everyone’s friend, super helpful, incredibly well behaved, sporty, won all the prizes.... I was an absolute NIGHTMARE at home; tantrums, screaming, shouting, argumentative, crying - AWFUL. I snapped out of it at 17 and I’m now a highly educated professional with two children of my own and a decent relationship with my parents for the most part!

You’re giving me hopeGrin

She’s academic, not sporting but shortlisted and interviewing for head girl today.

This morning just storming around and grunting at my pleasant hello. Crazy.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 27/08/2020 12:21

I can remember my mum going on about us kids in a martyred voice until I reminded her that I may have been a teenage strop bucket in side the home but was very polite outside the home! Plus none of us took drugs, smoked, went around in a gang, drank to excess, stayed out all night or had unsuitable girlfriends/boyfriends (well ok one of my brothers married two wrong 'uns but still....). I think she got off lightly!

I was far too shy to mouth off at teachers (when I was in school that is- I often truanted).

steppemum · 27/08/2020 12:22

@Sexnotgender

why would you be less polite to your family who love and care for you than you would be to a stranger in the street

That’s what I struggle with, she’s incredibly lucky, we provide well for her and it just feels like she throws it in our face.

well, that is because, according to 12 year old, we DON'T CARE and know NOTHING about her.
steppemum · 27/08/2020 12:23

my mum was head girl.
screaming rows with parents at home

So she parented differently with us.
result? screaming arguments with me as a teen, and I was the goody goody at school.

We are both quite normal really

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