Irritated by Facebook

[Willowmartha1]

I know it's my own fault for not coming off it but Christ some days I am so irritated by it ! Everyone bragging about their amazing homes, kids, partners etc. My cousin is the latest irritant, her and hubby have just moved to a £500k remote farm which looks stunning to be honest but I can't bring myself to say anything ! I have a poky home with no garden. My mum is really poorly too with dementia and when I visit most weeks it breaks me so to hear about other people's joyousness is hard !! Sorry for the rant.

Half of it is embellished or even made up.selfies where someone looks 10 years younger and super glamourous so you wouldn't know her if you met her on the street.
Gushing stuff about boyfriends that they were moaning about last week.
I call it Fakebook.
The only reasons I have it is to know whats going on locally and also ds has a photography page on there that I like. And I m a member of a local cat owners group who post adorable pictures.

@Sparklesocks so true.

Just before my best friend and her husband split (A couple of us knew about dv and affair etc so knew it was ending) they both posted the most amazing and loving photos of them together. It was bizarre, like putting on a front. After that I realised just how fake fb is. I’ve hated seeing everyone’s lovely holiday photos - I should be in Florida right now.

@Youzam

Why can’t people just be happy for their family and friends? Seriously, there’s enough shit going on in the world - why can’t you be pleased for them? You wouldn’t be any more successful if they weren’t, remember that.

Because where is the fun in that, I guess. I agree with you.

I have people I actually like on fb so when they post their new house/car/kid's "art"/holidays/garden/food I like it. Because I like them. Everyone sometimes thinks "oh, mate. You lucky bastard! I would like that too"😁 That's normal. It's not normal however, to be so bitter one can't even muster up "That's lovely. Congrats on new home".

And lets not forget that every time one posts something nice or interesting they are apparently hiding se dark secret like bankruptcy, affair or a triple murder.🙄

This FB hate and bitterness is symptom,not a cause. By deleting you're not actually dealing with why you feel the way you do and the issues you have.

What if people start sending pics/texting on WhatsApp? Delete that?
Messaging? Block them?
Calls? Block them?

How far will you go to hide , instead of working on yourself and change the things you can change?

Even worse is the assumption,almost hopeful, that no one can possibly be happy and are actually deeply miserable .

Why would you want that for a friend or relative?

Misery does love company sometimes, what it doesn't do is improve your situation in any way.

@Youzam

Why can’t people just be happy for their family and friends? Seriously, there’s enough shit going on in the world - why can’t you be pleased for them? You wouldn’t be any more successful if they weren’t, remember that.

Agree completely with this, I enjoy seeing my friends happy

@ChupForPresident @Willowmartha1 yes I’m with you too 😢

I have a couple of fb friends who are so tedious and annoying that I can't bring myself to tear away. I actually look forward to seeing what they will come up with next.

Susie is currently asking for advice on places to stay in New Zealand just to let us all know she's planning a big holiday next year. The only comment she has so far is '❤' from Jackie (her mum) who puts a heart on everything Susie posts.

Debs posted a massive monologue about her dh hurting his wrist at work along with a sad selfie of them both tagged at the local walk in centre. Luckily it was just a sprain. Phew.

Pauline got fish and chips for dinner as she didn't feel like cooking. Nice pic of fish and chip bags.

If it was getting me down I would pull the plug though. Fb is useful wonderful for groups of like minded people, school clubs and local info. During lockdown it was a real lifeline for lots.

Honestly, this is exactly the reason why I don't have Facebook. Or WhatsApp, Snapchat, Twitter, LinkedIn or anything else. Do I miss out? Oh yes, certainly; I miss all the bitchy nonsense, the bragging, the parading, the lies, the competitive 'likes' and who is friends or who isn't and any of the other shit that goes on there.
I have never missed out on news, or genuine friends or updates on important events which I get by email or normal conversations. Just drop the lot and you will be SO MUCH happier!!

I recommend coming off too, I barely use it anymore and it's so much better. I think the tipping point for me was three separate instances of people posting stuff I knew was utter bullshit like happy marriage anniversary posts when I knew one was having a 2 year affair, weight loss before and afters referring to diet when I knew it was actually a cocaine addiction and "look at this house I bought all by myself #independentwoman" when I knew her dad had gifted her the entirety deposit... the point is you shouldn't compare your real life to the "highlight reel" of others displayed on social media, but if you can't acknowledge that its a highlight reel and come to terms with that it's probably best coming off all together or limiting your use!

I must be the only person on here who quite likes it. I'm a runner and the only things I ever see on it are red faced pals, running events and ads for trainers 😆.

I've just had a cry about something very similar, OP. I feel very petulant about the unfairness of life and I'm ashamed to say I'm wallowing for a while. I know I'll give myself a shake very soon and make some changes to my screen time and social media use, but in this moment I'm allowing myself to feel like shit for a bit. Even tho i know it's a semi-fake, highly curated world, it still upsets me because I'm unhappy with various aspects of my own life that are out of my control (relatives' illness for example), and some that are within it. It's okay to feel how you feel in the moment

I mostly use Facebook for hobbies and interest groups, but it’s also nice to be able to congratulate a friend who has had a new baby, or commiserate with someone having a bad day. Pretty much everyone I’m “friends” with I know in real life, plus a couple of people I’ve met online through the hobby groups.
However, I did come off it for about six months when my marriage broke up, as at that point it just wasn’t doing my mental health any good.

It's the people you have on FB that dictate what you see tbf.
I hide a lot of people.

Step away.

The way you look at other people's photos is all about you, not them.

If you only have close friends and family, you would genuinely be happy for them. If one of my sisters put photos of her new house, it's because a) we asked and will be annoyed she is not sharing! b) she is excited like a child AND WE ARE HAPPY FOR THEM!

I love looking at people's holiday photos. I might be more or less envious about them, but I am still happy to see them.

If you are unhappy with your life, you need to make changes there - not resent others who have something you want.

If someone is boring, just.. scroll down.

Sending emails directly would be rude and putting people on the spot. Putting photos on social media is the best solution, real friends and family can ignore or use it to stay in touch. If you don't like your friends that much, why are you even friends in the 1st place?

Facebook is a wonderful platform when used properly. I’d feel very isolated without it. Those who avoid it probably don’t realise what they miss out on. The view that FB is full of people “bragging” and conceited images of their perfect lives is out of date. Sure there is still lots of that, but simply unfollow people who irritate you, you don’t have to unfriend or cause offence.

FB is a lifeline for so many things, especially through the pandemic - local tradespeople and businesses, events in your community, buy/sell/rent/free ads, support for good causes, support groups for just about anything you could be struggling with, local news and opinions that the mass media doesn’t report on, etc etc. Not to mention silly and funny posts which might just brighten your day.

There is a lot wrong with Facebook but also a lot right if used properly.

As PP said, the fact you’re not happy for people isn’t really FB’s fault.

Well said @Rae5647

People image craft on FB, so sometimes pics etc are selected to give the impression that life is better than it is. Try to laugh at the people who brag/humblebrag (I had a friend who posted that she was knackered after "clearing all the leaves out of our swimming pool") and unfollow anyone who really bugs you.

I am so confused why others see constant brags while I see almost nothing that qualifies as a brag.

My current FBk feed consists of...
Platitude from step-sis
(ad)
Friend1: Things we baked today (nothing spectacular)
Aunt1: political comment
old colleague 1: memory being silly with others (pulling faces)
Aunt1: sad about her friend who died
(ad)
Friend2: political comment
March for science post
Friend2: more politics (usually funnies)
Stepsis: political joke
(ad)
(ad)
USPS dogs
BBC springwatch
(ad)
stepsis: platitude
Aunt1: more politics
Politics page I followw
woman on Small group I'm part of, home covid test experience...
(ad)
Local peregrines group post
Friend2: pic of his cat
BBC world service programme
(ad)
Cousin1: politics
Friend1: "the colours you see reveal your personality" post
different BBC channel
Aunt2: Happy birthday to her eldest D-GC
3x (ad)
USPS dogs...

There's no flipping bragging. Not one. I guess there's lots of politics which fits since I follow politics, and LIKE those pgs. Do you all put lots of LIKES onto the bragging posts by your contacts which is why FBk shows you lots of bragging? That would be something you can easily change. FBk takes 'Like' as "I want to see more of this please!"

I hate it, I have depression and anxiety and I find that Facebook only compounds the problem.
It causes me to compare myself constantly and I have low self esteem anyway.
I unfriended most people and only kept some family/close friends and some of the groups I'm on.

@Youzam

Why can’t people just be happy for their family and friends? Seriously, there’s enough shit going on in the world - why can’t you be pleased for them? You wouldn’t be any more successful if they weren’t, remember that.

This ^^ one million times over.

Plus you can always hide people from your news feed. It doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't want to see it.

And lets not forget that every time one posts something nice or interesting they are apparently hiding se dark secret like bankruptcy, affair or a triple murder 🙄

🤣🤣🤣

@Youzam

Why can’t people just be happy for their family and friends? Seriously, there’s enough shit going on in the world - why can’t you be pleased for them? You wouldn’t be any more successful if they weren’t, remember that.

I am happy for people with genuine posts. I love seeing people going on holiday, getting married, having babies et cetera.

What annoys me is untrue attention seeking posts. I'm also annoyed by people who post a lot of political posts or fake news.

Jason Manford said something very apt on his latest televised stand up and I'm gonna paraphrase, as can't remember the exact wording

" Do not compare your full film to someone else's trailer" it is very true and it is the negative thing of social media where you can think you are failing at things (you are absolutely not!) because people have framed a situation a certain way. What you haven't seen in the background is the sulks, the potential bribery and you saying 'smile' through gritted teeth to get that perfect pic.

You are totally entitled to be sad about the difference between yours and your sisters situation and be irritated but also don't be upset that you haven't come off it either. Social media can offer you insight into activities locally and nationally, show friends and family around the world how your family is doing and growing and in times of crisis can be a place of support for people aswell as connecting with people with like minded interests with fan pages and targeted groups etc.

Hope you feel better soon about it all.

I post the prettiest flowers from my garden. Obviously I will not be showing off the one which looks exactly like one would expect my flowers to look😂 So if some survives and actually flowers and does well, fuck yeah I will spend 10 minutes there trying to capture it's beauty and my pride and post it for my friends and family to see.

I love my SM tbh. I have only people I like and I love my Instagram feed. Full of gardens, wildlife pics, art, national trust, architecture etc. I don't follow lifestyle pages. Just mates, family and pretty things.

Social media are what YOU make of it. It's that one space where, except ads🙄, YOU have the power to filter what and who YOU want to see.