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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is this obsession with coffee???

201 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/08/2020 08:22

MN seems to be obsessed with coffee....

Someone wants to meet up with friends....they are advised on MN to go for a coffee.

If someone is meeting a guy for a daytime date....MN suggests they go for a coffee.

If someone wants to ask a guy out but is shy....MN suggest she gently ask him out for a coffee.

I just don’t get it. Does nobody drink tea anymore?

In fact, the only time I see a cup of tea being suggested is if someone is in shock or very upset about something that has just happened....they are told to try and calm down and have a very sugary tea.

Every time I read a thread and see coffee as being the ‘drink of choice’ I feel inner rage

In case you hadn’t realised, I am an avid tea drinker and I can’t even bear the smell of coffee, never mind entertain the idea of ever actually drinking it

YABU : yes coffee is always mentioned on here but that’s because it should be the drink of choice.

YANBU - I have no idea why coffee is always suggested and it seems very unfair to simply brush aside the good old English cup of tea

OP posts:

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 27/08/2020 11:53

Its going out for a brew for me. I drink the odd coffee but not a massive fan, so I'd say "fancy a brew?".

beautifulmonument · 27/08/2020 11:57

YABU
coffee is life. I can't stand tea

FrangipaniBlue · 27/08/2020 12:01

It's a turn of phrase

Going for tea where I live means eating out (tea is evening meal)

Going for a drink means alcohol is involved

Going for a coffee is generic for meeting in a cafe usually during the daytime

MarthasGinYard · 27/08/2020 12:04

Definitely just a turn of phrase.

Couldn't get irked about this one

Although 'coffee and cake' for some reason makes me a bit squibly

'A cake' would be fine.

Or 'coffee and cakes'

PelicanDeuce · 27/08/2020 12:06

If someone said to me let’s meet for a hot chocolate I’d think they’d want us to wear Santa suits and make a fire.

Original poster

QueenofmyPrinces · 27/08/2020 12:10

When we are having a quiet moment at work (nursing) and we fancy a drink someone will say, “Shall I do us a tea trolley?” And the trolley is then wheeled down with three tea pots and lots of mugs. Coffee isn’t mentioned or suggested and nobody ever asks for one.

Maybe though it’s just because as people have been saying on here, coffee = cafe/coffee shop and so it wouldn’t even occur to anyone to consider drinking coffee at work?!

Who knows?!

OP posts:

DeeTractor · 27/08/2020 12:16

Both tea AND coffee are shit. Fight me.

IntermittentParps · 27/08/2020 12:21

Maybe though it’s just because as people have been saying on here, coffee = cafe/coffee shop and so it wouldn’t even occur to anyone to consider drinking coffee at work?!

There's always been a lot of coffee-drinking in any place I've worked. And tea too, granted.

CatSmith · 27/08/2020 12:23

When we meet up for coffee, I usually have a glass of something.Usually wine, occasionally a gin n tonic.... Going for a coffee doesn’t mean it’s obligatory to have coffee and only coffee.

I think you’re really overthinking this.

Erictheavocado · 27/08/2020 12:23

I love coffee, but can understand how anyone who had to drink Camp coffee wouldn't! My DM went on an economy drive back in the 1970's when the three day week also meant a cut in wages. She started to buy Camp coffee as it was cheaper than even the cheapest of the powdered instant coffees. To be honest, it doesn't deserve to be called coffee. It is full of chicory which makes the coffee taste bitter and , for me anyway, leaves a taste of liquorice.
I do drink tea, but only things like earl grey tea and without milk. Dh hates coffee. But when we go out he will avoid tea as he, like so many people, likes a certain brand of tea and it has to be made to his exact taste. I think coffee is generally more forgiving in that sense.
I've always taken an invitation for coffee to mean 'drink of your choice', whereas 'tea' could imply food of some sort and a 'drink' tends to refer to alcohol.
I think, as well, that to anyone of a certain age, coffee is seen as a more luxurious drink than tea. My mum and my late nan would never dream of offering a cup of tea to a guest, though would of course make it if requested.

MarthasGinYard · 27/08/2020 12:30

'If someone said to me let’s meet for a hot chocolate I’d think they’d want us to wear Santa suits and make a fire.'

I remember a thread a while back exactly as this one , but about obsession with 'hot chocolate'

StrawberrySquash · 27/08/2020 12:48

Like others have said it's just code, it's not literal. But like I might say 'Fancy a pint?' if I'm suggesting we go to the pub. Doesn't mean you won't buy a glass of wine when we get there.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/08/2020 13:19

My mum and my late nan would never dream of offering a cup of tea to a guest, though would of course make it if requested.
That's odd. I'm mid 60s and always offer tea so did my mother.

I haven't had Camp coffee for over 40 years but used to like it occasionally - as an alternative to actual coffee rather than as coffee iyswim. It's very useful in cakes though. I might get some.

IntermittentParps · 27/08/2020 13:44

SerenDippitty, I'm afraid I have to beg to differ. I find that all instant coffee from a jar, whatever it calls itself, is vile.

Yarboosucks · 27/08/2020 13:50

Coffee is a gift from the gods, the greatest, most marvelous, most delicious drink ever.

People who don't like coffee are to be avoided at all costs.
Anyone who drinks instant coffee is actually a non-coffee drinker in disguise. Run away from these people. They are in league with the devil. FACT!

Going to have a lovely cup of coffee now.....

merrymouse · 27/08/2020 13:56

The thing about tea is that there isn't really any point in 'going out for a cup of tea'. The tea you make at home isn't going to be worse, and is actually likely be better than tea you would get in a cafe.

The only point in going out for tea is to have afternoon tea, but that isn't really appropriate for a date.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/08/2020 13:56

I have one proper strong coffee a day, made at home in a cafetiere or out (not since March though). Never instant. The rest of the time I drink tea.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 27/08/2020 21:45

@QueenofmyPrinces

Maybe though it’s just because as people have been saying on here, coffee = cafe/coffee shop and so it wouldn’t even occur to anyone to consider drinking coffee at work?!

Who knows?!

Even that sounds odd to me.

For me it would go more like:
"Anyone want a tea or coffee?"
"Yes please, I'll have a tea/coffee." or "Not for me, thanks."

merrymouse · 29/08/2020 10:12

And the trolley is then wheeled down with three tea pots and lots of mugs.

Unless this trolley also contains biscuits (at least Rich Tea) it is a travesty!

Original poster

QueenofmyPrinces · 29/08/2020 13:21

Unless this trolley also contains biscuits (at least Rich Tea) it is a travesty!

We have a huge biscuit tin with lots of options

A cup of tea isn’t a true cup of tea unless you’re dunking biscuits in it

OP posts:

honeylulu · 29/08/2020 13:29

It's one of those catch all phrases that means a non alcoholic drink meet up in the daytime (but that's a bit of a mouthful). "Tea" is confusing sometimes because some folks use "tea" for supper/dinner, and "afternoon tea/ high tea" is also a meal not just a drink.

It's a bit like "sleeping together" referring to some sort of sexual activity, even if no sleep actually occurs! Or "vagina" for the collection of female genitalia rather than that specific part.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/08/2020 13:45

Don't people invite ever invite friends to their house for a coffee then? Why does it always have to be out somewhere?

Different if you happen to bump into someone in town while shopping or something and you say "fancy going for a coffee?", but I've never quite understood it as a social pre-arrangement as it doesn't take long to drink a cup of coffee and implies that that's the length of time you wanted to spend with the friend and then you need to be off. Maybe it's just me, but if I want to get together with a friend it's for a good few hours for a proper catch up, but then I'm not the sort of person who enjoys having a massive circle of friends who I might want to meet for just half an hour little and often. I prefer just a couple of close friends who I see not very often, for a long time each time. So maybe I'm not in the "going for a coffee" bracket.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/08/2020 13:57

I meet up with ex-colleagues at a coffee shop, sometimes lunch as well, but usually meet at friends' homes.

Florencex · 29/08/2020 14:00

I drink tea at home, but I would say go for coffee. I would probably have coffee too, I enjoy the occasional one and I couldn’t bring myself to pay shop prices for a tea bag and hot water.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/08/2020 14:23

Coffee drinking has totally changed in ENgland since the 80s, it's true. I remember going for Sunday lunch in a countryside hotel/pub in the 80s, when I was a kid, usually with Grandma tagging along. You would always be served coffee in the lounge after dessert, and you would always get "petits fours" with it, even if it was just little mint chocolates on a plate. Small cups and saucers (NEVER mugs!), titchy spoons. Little jug of cream, never milk. Always demerara sugar. Seems like a quaint and old-fashioned notion now, the idea of "going through to the lounge" for your post-lunch coffee. My parents had a cafetiere at home and would always do the same if they had friends round for a meal. Always with After Eights .

Coffee was definitely either an after dinner thing, when you had the proper stuff, or a mid-morning thing if you had your neighbour round for some instant and some gossip. No-one would ever go out to a coffee shop to meet a friend at random times of day, as a destination. You went to a cafe if you happened to get thirsty if you'd been shopping a long time, and it was usually a cup of tea.

Funny how changes in culture creep up on you over the years, and you don't even realise it till threads like these come up and you think about it properly.

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