Would you bother going to check on DM if you were me or not?

[Doibother]

Alcoholic mother who is a massive pain in the arse. She has a history of falling over and sustaining head injuries whilst in drink. Regularly goes AWOL and panics us.

I last heard from her on Friday. She was due to come round on Saturday but didn't show up and hasn't called since. I've called her many times to check she's ok and no answer. She lives alone.

I'm both worried and pissed off. Worried that something has happened to her and pissed off because she's too selfish to bother letting me know she's ok.

I don't drive but do cycle. Would you ride the 6 miles to do a welfare check or not bother?

I think I would. Or do you any of her neighbours that could go to the door or look through the windows? (If the weather's as bad as here I can see why a six mile cycle wouldn't appeal!) I'd be worried she's hurt herself and can't get to the phone.

Maybe it would be worth her having a lifeline/alarm system in future?

I would or phone none emergency police number and voice your concerns and see if someone could check on her. At least that way you can stop wondering.

I mean I would if it's out of character to not hear from her at all but you could call the police and get them to go over and have them ask her to contact you.

Honestly? No. This is patently not the first time you've felt obligated to step in but should you have to? It comes to a point , imho at least, where continually picking up the pieces is enabling the person.

Others will doubtless disagree with my longstanding lack of tolerance of drunks and of alcohol abuse, but no, I wouldn't be doing it.

does she have any social media accounts that she has been on since Saturday or not?
I would be worried too. You could get the police to do a welfare check as you don't drive.

Yes ride up.

I would OP. It's probably nothing but you'd never forgive yourself if she'd done herself a mischief...

I would but what’s the weather like with you. There’s a storm here so no I wouldn’t put myself at risk to go and ride a bike to check on her.

I don't think you'll rest until you know she is OK?

Out of principle I'd say you shouldn't but for your own peace of mind????

How long will the cycle take you and is it going to muck up your day?

I would or phone none emergency police number and voice your concerns and see if someone could check on her

Utter waste of Police resources if the OP is quite capable of going herself which she said she is, as she can cycle there!

Panic over she has just called me back after 10+ calls, pissed as expected but alive.

I was about to head down there and it's raining so I'd have got soaked for nothing.

I don't expect or ask anything of her these days other than to answer the phone if shes dissapesred and to let me know she's ok.

Selfish, ridiculous woman.

Disappeared*

And yes OP, go and check on her.

Yes I would. If she’s hit her head or similar you may only have a small window of opportunity to get help for her. I know it’s a PITA. You could ask the police to do a welfare check under the circumstances.

@Doibother

Panic over she has just called me back after 10+ calls, pissed as expected but alive.

I was about to head down there and it's raining so I'd have got soaked for nothing.

I don't expect or ask anything of her these days other than to answer the phone if shes dissapesred and to let me know she's ok.

Selfish, ridiculous woman.

I'm glad you got through to her. How stressful for you. hugs

I would ask the police to check.

This might also make her realize she cant go Awol and ignore calls for the fun of it!!

Ohh just seen your update.

Ah X post, glad it's resolved.

Crunchymum

Agreed. But I think the issue here is less a cycle ride mucking up the OP's day, and more the mother's continued behaviour mucking up her life.

No easy answer though.

I would because I couldn't relax if I didnt know but if she was absolutely fine and ignoring me I would be angry and say this is the last time youre running after her.
Is she happy to sit alone and drink every day? Sounds like a pretty miserable existence.
Would she try to cut down?

Given that it’s windy as hell today so not the best conditions for cycling I’d call 101, explain the situation and ask them to go round. It also might give her a kick up the arse.

Glad she's ok. Does she have Whatsapp or messenger where you could see if she's been active or not for the future?

Bloody woman.

I'm glad for your sake she's ok.

Now is the time to decide what you're going to do going forward.

Could you say that she needs to send you a text by midday, every day, or you'll be sending social services around to check on her?

It doesn't matter whether you actually could arrange SS/police or not, as long as she believes you would and as often as necessary

You need to look after your MH🌷

Would she agree to an app that alerts you when she is not moving in her usual pattern or let's you check her location or something? Lots of the home security things do this. But ywnbu to not check.

Thank you for the replies, it's a miserable way of life.

She doesn't have WhatsApp / social media and she doesn't know how to text so calls are the only way of getting hold of her. I told her she's lucky as I was about to call the police who will have forced entry.

I wouldn't bother doing that without going myself several times first but I said it in the hopes she wouldn't let things get to this stage next time (there's always a next time)

I've tried to involve adult SS before and the woman at the end of the phone made it clear she thought I was wasting their time and they wouldn't intervene.

I've detached from the alcoholism as best I can so I'm not impacted by the drinking but I'm still stuck in a permanent cycle of worry about her hurting herself as she has so many times before.

I fear this is my life now until she inevitably dies