Would you bother going to check on DM if you were me or not?

[Doibother]

Alcoholic mother who is a massive pain in the arse. She has a history of falling over and sustaining head injuries whilst in drink. Regularly goes AWOL and panics us.

I last heard from her on Friday. She was due to come round on Saturday but didn't show up and hasn't called since. I've called her many times to check she's ok and no answer. She lives alone.

I'm both worried and pissed off. Worried that something has happened to her and pissed off because she's too selfish to bother letting me know she's ok.

I don't drive but do cycle. Would you ride the 6 miles to do a welfare check or not bother?

@Doibother

Thank you for the replies, it's a miserable way of life.

She doesn't have WhatsApp / social media and she doesn't know how to text so calls are the only way of getting hold of her. I told her she's lucky as I was about to call the police who will have forced entry.

I wouldn't bother doing that without going myself several times first but I said it in the hopes she wouldn't let things get to this stage next time (there's always a next time)

I've tried to involve adult SS before and the woman at the end of the phone made it clear she thought I was wasting their time and they wouldn't intervene.

I've detached from the alcoholism as best I can so I'm not impacted by the drinking but I'm still stuck in a permanent cycle of worry about her hurting herself as she has so many times before.

I fear this is my life now until she inevitably dies

Your whole thread, but this post especially makes me feel so very sad for you. It’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself to feel that you are responsible for the safety and well-being of another adult.

If this wasn’t your mother- say it was a partner/friend/ex-partner/sibling how would you deal with them?

She is the only one who can change her situation. I hope you realise that ultimately her issues are not your fault, and despite her being your mother you cannot save her, and should not shoulder that responsibility.