to have not told him I'm still breastfeeding?

[moonchilde]

I'm so anxious about this. I've been on a couple of dates with a man I met online. He seems pretty awesome and we get on like a house on fire so far. He's totally cool with the fact I have a toddler. I've not had the courage yet to tell him I'm still breastfeeding. In fact, I haven't really given it much thought until not as it is just part of my life now! I absolutely wouldn't stop breastfeeding for a man as it's the best thing for my son and he loves it.

AIBU to not tell him for a while? Is it weird to date whilst breastfeeding? Would most men find it odd?

Starting to worry now!

Many men would find it odd. Some have bf fetishes. Who knows

Too soon to be telling him intimate details about your child. Wait for some time yet.

It’s none of his concern whatsoever and you are overthinking this! Do not give it a second thought.

If you're approaching sleeping with him and bf means your boobs are off limits then you need to tell him surely?

It'll probably depend on whether he knows anyone else with children, and whether they breastfed. He may surprise you with knowing that is totally normal to breastfeed a toddler 😊

@Pipandmum

Too soon to be telling him intimate details about your child. Wait for some time yet.

This is what I feel is right. My thoughts are that bf isn't forever and any mature guy will hopefully understand that. But then, people have been spooked by smaller things!

I wouldn't worry about it.
Men find plenty of very normal things weird, and they find some very weird things normal.
If it comes up mention it, but there's no need to force the subject.

@Bridecilla

If you're approaching sleeping with him and bf means your boobs are off limits then you need to tell him surely?

I don't plan on sleeping with him anytime soon. It's only been two dates and I'm a bit anxious about sex due to past sexual trauma. Not a problem, I just don't rush things. I like to meet someone at least 10 times before I think about sex.

Why does he need to know? I've only just stopped breastfeeding my toddler but it was just mornings so didn't really come up in conversation with anyone.

I think it would depend on how old your child is - up to a certain point i think people would expect that you'd be breastfeeding.

Tbh, i don't see why he'd need to know. Or how he'd find out.

My son is 2 in October so whilst he's still well within recommended age for bf, people in the UK can be a bit funny about it and bf rates past 1 year are extremely low so I guess it's not the norm.

I would tell him before you have sex because tbh, I don’t think it’s fair not to as I really wouldn’t want to be surprised with a mouth full of milk if I was him, but until it gets to that point I see no reason to tell him.

@Elsiebear90

I would tell him before you have sex because tbh, I don’t think it’s fair not to as I really wouldn’t want to be surprised with a mouth full of milk if I was him, but until it gets to that point I see no reason to tell him.

Definitely agree with this. Oh god. Can you imagine 😅

I can't see why it would be something to mention.
If you do get to the stage of meeting him with your child and child needs a feed will know then. Otherwise i don't think you need to discuss your parenting choices.

I can't see why you would be discussing the baby's feeding on a date, BFing or formula.

My daughter was breastfeeding and dating two young men (under 23) who didn’t turn a blind eye towards the fact she was breastfeeding a toddler of a similar age to yours @moonchilde so don’t worry about it. She said it came up in conversation naturally but neither were weirded out by it which was nice I think- neither met her little one incidentally. Just see what comes up in conversation- like “I haven’t had a night away from my wee one as he’s still breastfed” rather than “I have something to tell you- I’m still breastfeeding my toddler”.

I can see why as breastfeeding- especially a toddler- is about more than just the method of giving your child milk. For many parents (not all) it means they can’t or won’t be able to be as replaceable eg overnights or late dates etc.

Why is it an issue? I don’t routinely tell anyone about what Dd is eating on a daily basis, let alone a man I barely know.

You’ve met him online, you have seen him a couple of times. Are you not rushing things a bit in your own mind to already be worrying about something like this?

Just not something to think about yet.

I think it only becomes relevant when sex is likely, which doesn’t sound like yet.

Why on earth would a bloke you’ve known 5 minutes need to know that you breast feed your child? What has it got to do with him exactly?

I think at the point you're at currently with him he absolutely doesn't need to know at all, he knows you have a child and that's as deep as it needs to go right now. He needs to get to know you as you, and not someone's mum, and you need to enjoy that.

Also, massive props for still breastfeeding 💪 you e done amazingly!!

I don't think he will care tbh

Interesting. If it was me I wouldn't hesitate to mention it, in the same way I might mention that I like macaroni cheese and I'm keen to see Tenet at the cinema.

I like a pp's idea of slipping it into conversation naturally rather than 'telling him'.

'Oh DS slept terribly the other night, at least he goes straight back to sleep since I'm still feeding him'

Or

'It's lovely to get dressed up and go out without worrying if I can feed DS in what I'm wearing'

Whatever works.

Since you're taking it slowly you have plenty of time to find the right moment before he might need to be aware that your breasts are currently doing their natural thing