2 months on From husband leaving

[LexieB]

I posted a while ago. Husband announced he was leaving day before a Fathers Day for 27 year old at his company. They had been friendly/banter since Jan. But only met up in lockdown and he felt so
Guilty he had to tell me before embarking on affair! He’s told me it’s over it doesn’t want a divorce. Is this for financial reasons?? The only explanations for it all that I get is I’ve fallen for someone else.
We had a lovely home 3 children 16,13 and 9.
Since he left he has just been prioritizing this woman never available for the kids on the phone. She won’t let him communicate with me it’s her way or the highway. He’s now living in a flat 1.5 hours away next to his work as about to lose his license for gaining points on way to see her as she lives about 4 hours away. She’s been off the whole summer holidays.

At the start time did not handle things well desperately trying to get answers. I felt so low doctor came to see me. I am gradually feeling stronger took the kids away for a week by myself and coping with all
The stuff at home. I just feel so sad as I was happy with life before. I don’t feel depressed or so tearful anymore. It’s just hard when someone leaves with zero explanation. I think he thinks in time everything will be fine as that’s what she constantly tells him. But the kids barely won’t to see him. Eldest son refusing to talk to his dad. It’s so out of character thought it was a midlife crisis. But to be honest it’s embarassing and deserve better. I am so close to his parents and they are being amazing. We were married 16 years together for 20.my husband is 41. He has a high up job and just feel like I have been traded in for a younger model. I work part time and have done everything for the kids. I just don’t understand why people treat each other like this. I just wish we never had to see him again. Sorry for waffling I don’t know what I am asking really. It’s the shock that’s the word. He started saying he could still come over mow the lawn, help with admin but to me honest I would prefer to crack on, on my own. It’s just never saw this coming and my future looks so bleak. I turn 40 next week and feel gutted I am now on my own. The OW sent him
Very demanding texts with her conditions and non/ negotiables that he had to meet when dumping us. Husband now says he’s gone self employed at his work! Which all seems dodgy as he’s in the financial sector. I actually feel scared of him and this OW as she is in a high up job too. I am going to speak to a solicitor next week. Just feel like ex husband and her are going to make my life hell. Actually feel scared of them. He was a good dad before but the kids feel dumped he says he hasn’t left them but he has in my opinion. Think he blames me for Them not wanting to see him. OW allows him
To spend 1 day at the weekend with them. It’s rubbish they deserve better. When they are back at school he will be no use in the week as so far away. I just need to get it all out of my mind.

Don’t you worry I will come through this. There is no way I am letting down myself or my amazing kids. It’s laughable he keeps saying he is a good person 🤬 and hasn't left his kids! In my opinion he most certainly has. They will only end up with each. He’s lost pretty much all our friends, his parents and brother are horrified and no one respects him. I’m a good person and never would of treated him like this not even for Leonardo DiCaprio 😂

I just really want it to go wrong between them! I really would love that moment of him begging to come back but the way he talks about how much they have in common and how lovely she is I can’t see it happening

Morning @LexieB

Firstly , the phone calls not your problem, he should have had the phone off if he were in a meeting. Or at least have had the courtesy to contact you first even if just a ‘talk later, ina meeting’ text.

Regarding the pension, if he’s now self employed he’s contracted to the company, so has severed all employment ties. He is therefore no longer entitled to contribute to the company pension, but there will be a pension pot up to the date he left. There may also be other pots from any previous jobs he’s had.

As a pp said he’s now likely to have a limited company as that’s how the contracting scene works. I have to say it sounds dodgy, where you said he either had the choice of gross misconduct or going self employed, why would they offer a contract to someone who was causing problems? It was commonplace in the 90s where people would leave and do the same job as a contractor for 3 times more money, but not so much these days. Sounds fishy to me.

If the company were to float now, and he is self employed he will get nothing from the floatation as he’s no longer employed. Again, are you sure he’s self employed and not stringing you a line, why would he give up a share in the company?

So my mum sadly died on the 26th August. She was ok 2 weeks ago. It was an aggressive form of cancer that seemed to be in the lining of her abdomen. We were really close it’s so painful. Weirdly the 26th was our wedding anniversary think it was a sign to ditch the cheating husband. I turned 40 yesterday the 27th. Feel back to being weak and pathetic. Children so upset about their nan they were really close. She was only 69. This is when they needed their dad around not for him to be buggering about with a 27 year old. My mum was my go to person for advice. Have lots of lovely friends but do feel very alone 🙁

Hugs, lots of them. I lost my dad not long after the ex walked out - the grief amongst all the other stuff was dreadful. I lost my mum about 18 months ago and as an only child, I really felt that one. Just grieve, allow yourself space and time. Do what needs to be done and leave the rest till when you’re ready. Thinking of you

So sorry for your loss 🌺. You really are going through the mill right now. Hopefully you and your DC can comfort each other and become an even tighter knit team. Much love to you.

So very sorry for your loss. I wish you and your sweet children the very best

I'm so sorry you have lost your Mum. From reading your thread I've no doubt you will do her proud, and that her words will echo in your ear when you need them.

I'm so sorry to read that you've lost your lovely Mum.

You will get through this. Focus on grieving for your Mum and your children, don't stress about your asswipe ex for the time being.

When you feel up to it, consult a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. Let him learn that he doesn't get to dictate all the terms.

You're going to be fine, even though you must be in a lot of pain right now.

So sorry for your loss OP

You sound like an incredible mum and your children are extremely lucky to have you!

Support op. You’ve been through a lot. You sound strong. Your mum would want you to be ok. I lost my lovely ma a year or so ago and in hard difficult times kept holding onto the thought that she’d want nothing more than me to get through.
Support from me to you and to your children.

OW now back up
In Grimsby and so husband will be in his flat Mon-Friday on his own. We don’t need his help in the week and it’s too unsettling at the moment. So he will see kids one day at a weekend and OW the other day. What sort of life is that actually?

It won't last op.

You will have the last laugh. She will get bored of this and he will beg your forgiveness.

Fuck him right off. Divorce him and get 50% of the pension and anything else your solicitor recommends you go for.

He sounds like an utter shit.

These threads make me so angry that dickhead men just up and leave and think nothing about the devastation they cause to their families.

I hope you have spoken to the CSA. I've been through this and am still going through this at the moment with my Ex who is also self employed.

I think the divorce thing will scare the shit out of him if you start the process abs rightly fucking so.

You are nearly 40. You are not old by any means.

Sorry for the above. I’ve asked MNHQ to remove it.

So sorry you’ve lost your mum @LexieB. What an awful time you’re having 💐

This is a really shitty time for you x . Don't let him cut the lawn or do jobs, i've seen a few separations where the cheating partner just keeps picking the scab for months on end , just to keep his or her options open.
To cope with this and be there for your children means you are incredibly strong , even though you may not feel it . Your mum would be proud of you x

The other OW is trying to control his life with the kids. You need to take that control back and explain you don’t care what OW thinks.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. Complete shit bag.
Turning 40 can be scary too. But don’t let it get you know. I know many women who find the forties the best time. You will get there. Sending hugs.

So sorry to hear you lost your mum so unexpectedly OP. I hope you're ok and looking after yourself x

Thanks everyone. Was going to post more but had to dash to Sainsburys. I am managing to get through each day and sort stuff with kids etc and they are doing well. Older 2 don’t want him
Here in the week just finding it a bit lonely and hard to adjust to being on my own the whole time. Have been seeing lots of my lovely friends who are supporting the kids heaps. Just so awful that this has happened and how anyone can do this to
Their kids is beyond me, seeing them
Part time is not what they want. Also not to
Say anything to me I just find so shocking. He says he wouldn’t have left marriage if she hadn’t come along and she ‘gets him’ and makes him happy. Just feels so disrespectful when you have been together 20 years. People suggest doing stuff for me but actually have no clue what to do! In between maintaining the house, sorting kids, working part time just feel like he will be having all the fun. But then equally we don’t want his shitty help. I just want him to end up miserable 😬 I know it’s wrong but how people treat each other like this is beyond me!

I’ve got a date tonight 😱 help I’m
Scared 😂

Ex still being horrendous so shocked how quickly they become not your friend at all and transform into a cold hearted monster where I am public enemy number 1!!!!! Seeing solicitor Tuesday I am done with him.

Good luck for your date !

Hi there Lexie .I remember your post in the Summer .You posted if I remember correctly, that OW was a fair bit younger than him and had given him a list if what she wanted him to do in relation to seeing you and the kids Is that right? (Forgive me if I have confused you with another Poster on here).Please dont feel scared of them .Many men just seem to be able to follow their instincts and will throw away a loving marriage /family for a young piece of skirt! Its good you are going to see a Solicitor next week .They will be able to sort out finances and so on for you and "be on your side" . Its good that your PIL have a good R/L with you .They are probably gutted they have a selfish shit for a Son! Hope you feel better when you get some legal advice .Do you have friends /family in R/L to talk to? One step at a time is my advice .Do not let him come crawling back ,if he thinks he made a "terrible mistake" Take care OP and try to eat well /take vitamins /and stay strong .Very difficult I know ,.Sending hugs to you xxx

@LexieB

I’ve got a date tonight 😱 help I’m Scared 😂

Oooh, tell us more!

Just a hot Italian guy!!! 😂 who knows he seems really nice. Have messaged and spoken on the phone. Could be a complete disaster but better than my normal
Monday nights!! X