To deliberately give the wrong address

[SpongebobNoPants]

I’m 33 with 2 kids and have been with my DP for 5 years. I’d lived on my own since 18 and moved back in with my mum just over 2 years ago as she kindly offered for me and my DC to live with her whilst I went back to uni to do a masters degrees. My mum is widowed since my Dad died a few years back and I know she loved having me and my DC living what her.
My mum is fantastic and helped me and my DP buy a house which we moved in to just over 9 weeks ago.
My mum loves my DP and we make her feel so welcome in our home, but I know she keeps trying to keep her distance a bit to let us settle in and is worried (wrongly) about over stepping boundaries and visiting too much.
She is so adorable and doesn’t want to intrude on mine and DP’s time...
We invite her over lots but I accidentally on purpose keep getting items delivered to her house (my old address) just to give her an excuse to pop over and not feel like she’s intruding.
I know it’s silly but it makes me unreasonably happy when she feels like she has a purpose to her visits 😁

No actual AIBU but I can’t admit this in real life because it would embarrass her ❤️❤️❤️

I think that that is really cute and such a nice thing to do.

So do I and it's refreshing to read something nice about a mum

How cute is that! YANBU. That actually gave me a lovely little giggle.

Is it cute? It sounds tiresome, maybe the mum is bored by it all and wants space?

Just be careful you don't get into trouble with official correspondence where you're expected to give your current address, i.e. DWP, council tax, etc.

If my DC did this it would annoy me to no end. Do you know your mother likes this?

I'm in the exact same situation @SpongebobNoPants. I see how hard it is on my mum being alone and she always insists she doesn't want to intrude when of course she's not. She always asks if I'm sure DP doesn't mind me making plans with her or having her over when he absolutely doesn't, they're both a massive part of my life. My mum definitely needs a little encouragement to do things without feeling like she's imposing. I'd love to have her feel comfortable enough to come visit on a whim for absolutely no reason but that might take time (or grandchildren 😂). You're right it will definitely be easier with a purpose and your delivery idea is great. I think it's lovely what you're doing and I'm sure your mum really appreciates it even if she doesn't know it's all part of the plan 😊

Why not just set up regular visits - 1 evening per week and include her in what you are doing 1 day over the weekend. Or do you want to see her more often ?

I agree about the regular scheduled visit thing- if that suits you all.
Many families do it this way. So once or twice a week, or whatever suits, Sunay lunch or Saturday tea time, Wednesday afternoon or whatever. Set up a family "tradition".

To be honest can you not just invite her over for dinner? Then she knows she's welcome without having to piss about with parcels, and worrying about not being in incase something irrelevant (apparently) gets delivered? I'm not saying it's not 'sweet', but I'm pretty sure as much as your mum enjoyed your actual presence back home... Endless Amazon packages are a bit crap by comparison 🙁

Sorry, I would find this annoying rather than cute. DDs left home recently. I want them to make their way in the world which includes being responsible for their own post.

Aww, I think it's sweet! Ignore the misery guts on here OP!

We get things delivered to the in-laws as they're only around the corner but they're also home all day to take in packages whereas we're both at work when the postman comes.

One of us pops round to collect them and they love it - FIL insists I come in for coffee and it's actually a lovely way of spending a little time together once or twice a week 😊

But to be fair I'm 42, single, and work 45hrs a week. So whilst I'm thrilled to do my 'grandma babysitting gig' 3-4hrs, 3x a week, and extra on weekends. I'd be a bit 'ummm', if DC thought they were 'doing me a bit of a favour' to fill up all my spare 'old lady' time by running to the post office and back if I wasn't in when something arrived 😂

It's sweet in the short term but it will get annoying. Just have set days a week to have her over. One evening a week and a Sunday roast or something like that.

Could you not reverse the need to 'pop by'? My Dd's grandma has been organising weekly fresh orange juice delivery for her via their milkman for the past six months. It get dropped at grandma's, and she tottles to Dd (on maternity) a street down with it twice a week, (arranged time) to drop it off. Dd is clearly more than capable of driving to a shop herself 😂. But it gives her gran a purpose to pop round, and Dd gets the tea brewing and DGC ready to receive their guest. You could engineer a 'fresh egg drop', or similar? Without the pita parcels turning up between 8-7, perhaps?

@CustardSpaghetti

Just be careful you don't get into trouble with official correspondence where you're expected to give your current address, i.e. DWP, council tax, etc.

She’s doing it with the odd amazon package So her mum has an excuse to pop round, not commuting postal fraud.

Honestly, the replies on here baffle me sometimes. Always just straight to the most dramatic and ridiculous outcome.

Committing*

Sounds like a perfect little “mistake” that makes you & her happy.

@vanillandhoney

Aww, I think it's sweet! Ignore the misery guts on here OP!

We get things delivered to the in-laws as they're only around the corner but they're also home all day to take in packages whereas we're both at work when the postman comes.

One of us pops round to collect them and they love it - FIL insists I come in for coffee and it's actually a lovely way of spending a little time together once or twice a week 😊

No one is being a misery guts. I just don’t think it is sweet, when the alternative is that you actually tell your nearest and dearest that you want to spend time with them. Not just pop in for packages (how dismissive) If my kids did this to me, it would make me feel a bit shit actually.

Bit weird and manipulative I reckon. Just tell her how you feel. Pop round to hers instead. Are you sure your DP hasn’t had a quiet word with her about needing space and she’s being respectful of that? Maybe he doesn’t love spending time with your mum as much as you. Or maybe your mum actually wants the time to herself

no, just invite her over
she needs to get back to her own life.

I find it a bit odd. You say your relationship with your mum is really good, but how good can it be if you're unable to say to her, 'mum, you seem to think you're intruding by coming over here - that's not true at all, we all love you popping over frequently, so please don't hold back!'?

ah that's lovely op. So nice to read.

It sounds lovely , OP. Ignore the posters who are seeing it as a problem.

I don't know why anyone thinks this is lovely. It's manipulative. Straight up manipulation.

Communicate with your mum, don't play silly games.