To deliberately give the wrong address

[SpongebobNoPants]

I’m 33 with 2 kids and have been with my DP for 5 years. I’d lived on my own since 18 and moved back in with my mum just over 2 years ago as she kindly offered for me and my DC to live with her whilst I went back to uni to do a masters degrees. My mum is widowed since my Dad died a few years back and I know she loved having me and my DC living what her.
My mum is fantastic and helped me and my DP buy a house which we moved in to just over 9 weeks ago.
My mum loves my DP and we make her feel so welcome in our home, but I know she keeps trying to keep her distance a bit to let us settle in and is worried (wrongly) about over stepping boundaries and visiting too much.
She is so adorable and doesn’t want to intrude on mine and DP’s time...
We invite her over lots but I accidentally on purpose keep getting items delivered to her house (my old address) just to give her an excuse to pop over and not feel like she’s intruding.
I know it’s silly but it makes me unreasonably happy when she feels like she has a purpose to her visits 😁

No actual AIBU but I can’t admit this in real life because it would embarrass her ❤️❤️❤️

Your relationship with your mum is all that matters and not what people that don't know you think. Make the most of it

Implying I’m doing something with unkind intent is weird and

I'm not implying you are doing it with unkind intent though. I never said that: it is manipulative, but I never at any point said it was with unkind intent.

says a lot more about you than me 🤷🏼‍♀️

What does this even mean? People say this all the time on here but it's actually meaningless. Recognising manipulation doesn't say a lot about me at all, it just says I understand the behaviour.

We do communicate, can you not read?

Apologies for my comment about communication.

To me this is not cute at all, and getting close to being an absolute nuisance.

Whatever are you thinking?

I never said that: it is manipulative, but I never at any point said it was with unkind intent

Then what was the point in making that comment and saying we need to communicate, if not to imply it was wrong?

What does this even mean?

It means that if your automatic reaction to a loving daughter helping her mum have a “reason” to visit because it makes her feel better, is to see it as something sly or call it manipulative then there is something wrong with your thought processes, not mine.
I reiterate, your view of it says a lot about your assumptions about human relationships and kindness. Your perception seems skewed and off.

@Daphnise oh DFOD. I’m not a nuisance, I’ve just found a simple way to help my mum overcome a bit of her anxiety about feeling like she’s a burden.
If you see it as anything else after me repeatedly explaining the situation and how I know it makes my mum feel better, then you’re a very warped individual.

Aw I thinks it’s lovely!

Odd. Invite her round like a grownup.

Jesus Christ. It was supposed to be a nice thread about how much I love my mum and I’ve found a way to get her to be included in our lives more. And there’s people calling me a nuisance or manipulative for having a package or two a week delivered to my mum’s house because it turns out it’s convenient and a nice way to encourage her to pop over every now and then.

Just to add, we live less than 5 mins walk away (lees than 1 by car).

@Thisismytimetoshine I do. Have you read my posts at all??

Invite her round like a grownup
It’s even in my OP that I invite her round.

Well, you did post in AIBU. So you can hardly get too worked up if a few people say they think you were unreasonable. I’m sure you know your mum best, but to me, in my opinion, It’s an unusual thing to do, and creates a situation that sort of removes your mum’s choice in the matter. But if you are both happy then crack on. You say she likes it so we’ll have to take your word for it.

Then what was the point in making that comment and saying we need to communicate, if not to imply it was wrong?

I apologised for my comment about communication, I was wrong.

*It means that if your automatic reaction to a loving daughter helping her mum have a “reason” to visit because it makes her feel better, is to see it as something sly or call it manipulative then there is something wrong with your thought processes, not mine.
*
There is nothing wrong with my thought process for goodness sake. I did not see it as something sly, nor did I suggest anything like that. Why you are doing is manipulating your mum, however I understand it comes from good intentions, just don't try and make out it's anything other than it is.

I reiterate, your view of it says a lot about your assumptions about human relationships and kindness. Your perception seems skewed and off.

I didn't say it was unkind. The behaviour is manipulative. It's really that simple.

I would like to add that you did post on here asking what people thought.

Jesus Christ. It was supposed to be a nice thread about how much I love my mum and I’ve found a way to get her to be included in our lives more.

Maybe asking what people thought in AIBU wasn't the best idea? If it was just meant to be a nice post perhaps 'chat' was the place for it.

And there’s people calling me a nuisance or manipulative for having a package or two a week delivered to my mum’s house because it turns out it’s convenient and a nice way to encourage her to pop over every now and then

I think you misunderstand the definition of manipulation OP, it doesn't mean 'bad' but this behaviour fits.

Ah I feel a bit sorry for you OP. This is one of these threads that is intended to be nice and I think it is lovely because I understand that you know your mum best and that this works for you both because of the personal relationship / understanding you have of each other. You did say in your OP that it wasn’t really an AIBU.
But because you posted it here and because it’s a forum where you allow and invite comments and opinions, you’re always going to have a few people who don’t get it or agree and want to say so.

If someone called you manipulative @premiumshoes you would probably see that as a negative comment about your personality. Similarly, you calling the OPs behaviour manipulative 6 times is probably why OP sees it as “bad”...
This thread is depressing.

@RLOU30

If someone called you manipulative *@premiumshoes* you would probably see that as a negative comment about your personality. Similarly, you calling the OPs behaviour manipulative 6 times is probably why OP sees it as “bad”... This thread is depressing.

Thanks for counting 🤷🏻‍♀️

Seriously though, I repeated the word during my responses to comments. I couldn't change the word otherwise my post would not have made any sense. You are acting as if I kept calling OP names. I didn't. I said the behaviour was manipulative (7) which it is, that fact won't change. I'm allowed to speak more then once.

If you find the thread 'depressing' maybe you should have just clicked off it.

I didn’t count just took a wild guess and wasn’t too far off. Glad you bothered to check tho 😂

I didn't

I didn't. I said the behaviour was manipulative (7)

Oh okay ..

@RLOU30

I didn't. I said the behaviour was manipulative (7)

Oh okay ..

Oh. No, you said 6, I used the word again so out a cheeky 7 beside it because 6 + 1 = 7

Haha ok fair enough