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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my husband to be quiet as he comes in from a night out?

54 replies

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 02:41

My husband has been out tonight drinking with a friend. He got back about 45mins ago. I was asleep in our bed with our toddler. He went into our en suite and was jangling his belt around really loudly and then after he finished in there came into the bedroom. At that point I thought I was going continue getting undressed and make noise so I asked him to put his clothes on the landing for the moment to prevent disturbing us. He went onto the landing and slammed them onto the banister (turns out he was already undressed and thas is what the jangling in the en suite was) and then came back in and has shouted at me since then about how he was trying to be quiet and I'm unreasonable in telling him where to put his clothes. I have tried to apologise that I didnt mean to offend and explain that it was because I didn't want me or toddler to wake up and that know he was trying to he quiet but it was actually quite loud. He has just shouted me down, woken up the toddler and told me I'm manipulative and attacking him when hes vulnerable because he's drunk. Over and over again he shouted that I was manipulative and shouted how he was trying to be quiet. He stood up and said he wasnt sleeping in here and then stood over the wnd of the bed saying how it had all been sorted and his clothes would have been put quietly in the cupboard (which he kept banging really hard as he was saying it) if I hadnt have interfered. And shouting you're a manipulative, manipulative woman over and over again at me while me and toddler lay in the bed. Was I being unreasonable in what I asked him???

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BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 02:42

I'm now lying awake with an unsettled toddler and hes snoring on the sofa downstairs!

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Misskittyfantastico85 · 23/08/2020 02:48

YANBU, and calling you manipulative wasn't called for, however, I do think when you're drunk it's very hard to determine noise volume. He tried to be quiet, it just wasn't as quiet as you wanted it to be. I'm sure once morning comes and he's slept on it a bit all will be ok

antwacky · 23/08/2020 02:53

He's a berk, sometimes it's impossible to reason with a drunk. Try to settle yourselves back down and enjoy having the bed in peace, hopefully he will have a sore head in the morning and you can put the vacuum on right next to the sofa.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 02:58

I just feel really shocked. I was in a deep sleep and then disturbed by him and I just gently suggested that he got undressed in the landing and he just launched into this aggressive tirade.

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LucyAutumn · 23/08/2020 03:12

What an idiot. I would have been tempted to film him so you could show him what a jerk he'd been in the morning. I hope you and the toddler can have a little lie in tomorrow.

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 23/08/2020 03:15

Have a lie in tomorrow if possible, then get on with the vacuuming while your toddler plays with a saucepan & a wooden spoon.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:16

Do you know what, it was dark at time but I tried to record him! There were points that I was just silent and he kept on going on and on at me. I couldn't get my phone to work though.

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violetbunny · 23/08/2020 03:17

Is this an isolated incident or does he often fly off the handle whether drunk or sober?

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:18

Toddler is fast asleep now but I'm awake and so angry at him. I can hear his disgusting snoring so thank fuck he's not up here. He's normally so mild mannered. It's like Jekyll and hyde

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BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:22

He has done it before when drunk. This EXACT same scenario has happened before when I asked him to be quiet when he came in once before. And another time when I was pregnant and we came back from a wedding he was horrible and argumentative then too. He is quite shouty with the kids these days but not in the same way, not a scary way. These three drunken episodes have been unsettling. I know hed never hurt me though but a 6ft2 bloke shouting at you when you're lying in bed having been in a deep sleep and you have your child with you is not nice!

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Terrace58 · 23/08/2020 03:24

If this was a first time behaving like this, In the morning he needs to apologize and commit to never being that drunk again. If it’s not the first time, he needs to quit drinking.

Terrace58 · 23/08/2020 03:25

We cross posted a. He has a drinking problem. I’d send him a link to AA in the morning and expect him to follow up.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:28

Hes definitely an angry drunk that's for sure!! Luckily he never ever drinks at home and it's just when he goes out. Which isn't that often these days. I know hes found lockdown hard and having the kids at home but it's no excuse

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SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 23/08/2020 03:29

You can tell a lot about what a person is really like, by their behaviour when they are drunk.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:30

@terrace58 he doesn't have a drinking problem. He barely drinks. Possibly why he has got like this.

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BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 03:31

@SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness I can certainly tell that he thinks I'm manipulative, which is nice!

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Stingofthelash · 23/08/2020 03:33

Wow. So anyone who has been drunk and argumentative 3 times in their life has a drink problem. Get a grip(and not of your pearls)

nasiisthebest · 23/08/2020 03:43

Maybe he shouldn't go out anymore if it makes him wake the house and make everyone miserable. His fun evening shouldn't mean that the rest of the family becomes miserable.

daisychain01 · 23/08/2020 03:43

He was being an arse @BumbleBee5w

Have you been out lately, got so drunk you've 'had a go' at him when you've stumbled back in the middle of the night and disturbed him?

No, thought not. I don't suppose lockdown was a barrel of laughs for you either. Not acceptable behaviour but a bit too late now, it's done. It's one thing going out and having a few drinks, a whole other thing insulting you.

lyralalala · 23/08/2020 03:49

@BumbleBee5w

Hes definitely an angry drunk that's for sure!! Luckily he never ever drinks at home and it's just when he goes out. Which isn't that often these days. I know hes found lockdown hard and having the kids at home but it's no excuse
Then he shouldn't come home when he drinks. DH did this onceand was so mortified by his behaviour that he only drinks twice a year and on those occasions he crashes with his best mate or in a hotel. The rest of the time he doesn't drink.

Coming home drunk, angry and waking your kids isn't acceptable for an adult.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 04:15

Its not acceptable no. I am STILL awake because I'm so upset about it. Hes not going to be up to much tomorrow. What a fun Sunday

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userxx · 23/08/2020 04:40

@Terrace58 Bit extreme isn't it. Being a knob hardly makes him an alcoholic.

Terrace58 · 23/08/2020 05:04

Angry drunk = drinking problem
You don’t have to call it alcoholism if you believe that only applies to frequent drinkers, it doesn’t mean it’s any less of a problem.

BumbleBee5w · 23/08/2020 07:28

Its not one for AA though is it because he is not addicted to alcohol and could go for 2 years now without drinking again with ease

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Sparkletastic · 23/08/2020 07:35

What an absolute dick. I'd be furious. I think this would have to be the last incident if I were you - he has to sleep elsewhere if he gets that drunk again. Your poor child must have been scared.