Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Partner angry regarding quarantine

76 replies

JuicyJoo10 · 22/08/2020 23:56

Partner (we don’t live together) has been in quarantine imposed due to returning from a country on the quarantine list. I warned him before he went that news suggested quarantine is imminent and he still wanted to go as he said he had depression from not going on a holiday in over a year where he does sports to clear his head and do some thinking.

Even the day before quarantine rules came, I warned him but he couldn’t travel back the next day due to having been drinking so he missed the cut off by a day.

When he got back, he was angry that I wouldn’t visit him and suggested I should at 2m distance (saying he’s severely depressed and how could I just desert him like that, he would be with me in seconds if I was upset etc) , that I was being stubborn etc. - 3 days later, he kinda accepted my viewpoint but kept telling me everyday how blue he feels without me, depressed etc.

I had an event to go to yesterday (he was going to take me to it but I decided instead to go by myself due to him quarantining) (he wasn’t even dead set on taking me to yesterday’s event initially saying he might extend his holiday etc which he chose not to do in the end as his holiday buddy wanted to be back home and he missed me and he felt he would be lonely)

He seemed supportive despite it and mentioned again this evening how much he needs me etc. I offered to visit at 2m distance now it’s been 7 days and If he is so depressed still. He very very enthusiastically agreed (whilst drunk) and 20 mins later, Whilst still drunk probably, he texted me saying ‘why couldn’t I take you to yesterday’s event but it’s fine tomorrow for us to see each other? I almost can’t be bothered to meet up. Why the rules? , I will not march to the beat of your drum’ etc etc

AIBU to be furious at him?

The primary reason I even relented is because he has a history of severe depression etc (I already had stuff to do myself planned for tomorrow) and he’s been bugging me about how he misses me, how low he feels, how lonely etc.

In all other regards, he’s fine and has done me lots and lots of nice things, he’s reasonable, very honest, loyal etc but I guess depression will make people more insecure and needier.

Plus, whenever his ex needs their pet looking after (which is now in her ownership) he’ll happily take it on whenever she asks (so he’ll happily march to her drum beat clearly)

OP posts:

Sennetti · 22/08/2020 23:58

I’d extend his quarantine indefinitely

Life’s too short, move on!

Shmithecat2 · 23/08/2020 00:00

Self absorbed prick. Tell him to pretend he's still on holiday - he clearly managed without you then.

QueenArseClangers · 23/08/2020 00:00

Get rid, he sounds both selfish and hard work.

OwlinaTree · 23/08/2020 00:02

Tell him you'll not bother meeting up then, you'll see him another time. Don't rise to it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2020 00:03

He seems to know how to manipulate his medical needs to get what he wants.

There is a feeling 'or else' to his demands.

And, his drinking is unhealthy.

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/08/2020 00:03

Tell him the government is beating the drum and he should listen.

You didn’t make the rules. You didn’t make his choices. His mess. He can wallow in it.

OliviaBenson · 23/08/2020 00:05

It sounds like he is using his depression to manipulate you into doing stuff. It also sounds like he's itching to make you argue.

HotPenguin · 23/08/2020 00:06

I'm sure he has suffered from depression and that's hard, but it sounds a bit like he uses his depression to get what he wants. E.g. I must go on holiday otherwise I'll be depressed, you must visit me in lockdown because I'm depressed.

Original poster

JuicyJoo10 · 23/08/2020 00:06

Thanks all so far

@OwlinaTree yes definitely not going to meet tomorrow - I’ve said so.

OP posts:

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 23/08/2020 00:06

YANBU. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm sorry, but depression because he's not been on holiday in over a year? What tosh! How does he think other people cope, people who can't afford a foreign jolly every year, or even a holiday in the UK? Bloody ridiculous. I couldn't be doing with such a self absorbed wanker. He deliberately put himself at risk & now he's blaming you for not mopping up his mess. Quarantine any stuff of his to a box & drop it off.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 23/08/2020 00:06

He sounds really manipulative

Twigletfairy · 23/08/2020 00:08

Depression doesn't give you a free pass to act like an asshole

What is he doing about his depression? Drinking certainly won't help.

Cocomarine · 23/08/2020 00:15

Yeah, “self absorbed wanker” has it.

He’s just a pain in the arse.

I like the comment about extending his quarantine!

Pippioddstocking · 23/08/2020 00:21

If he has such severe depression then he needs to cut the alcohol, that will only be making things much worse.

Gingernaut · 23/08/2020 00:30

He was warned and still decided to go.

He resents the quarantine that resulted from his insistence on going to another country during an active pandemic.

He's drinking, apparently heavily and claiming he has depression.

The alcohol will make him feel much worse and he seems to be using the depression as an excuse for shitty, selfish, entitled and frankly abusive behaviour.

Be grateful you don't live with him. He's only seems to be worth binning off.

Chloemol · 23/08/2020 00:30

Isn’t it 14 days quarantine? Which is tostay at home, go nowhere and see no one other than anyone you may live with?

I wouldn’t be seeing him until after the 14 days and as he chose to go away despite warnings, then he sucks up the quarantine

In the meantime I would seriously be rethinking the relationship

VeryQuaintIrene · 23/08/2020 00:31

Why are you with this bozo?

Redland12 · 23/08/2020 00:32

Stop the drinking! No way is that helping the situation. If it were me I’d end the relationship.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/08/2020 00:32

Life is too short for this shit.

LillianBland · 23/08/2020 00:35

Oh I couldn’t be arsed with that whining manchild. If he acts like this over a simple two week quarantine, which was of his own making, then can you imagine how he’ll behave if you have kids and expect him, rightfully, to curtail his social Iife or you take ill and need him to look after you. Nah, fuck that.

Antibles · 23/08/2020 00:54

He is unreasonable and manipulative. He is a man who sees a relationship with a woman as a power struggle that he always wants to win, not a team effort. This Will Not Change. He's even spelled it out in that stupid beat of your drum metaphor. When you relented to be kind, he used it against you because of how angry he is under the surface that you were resisting his demands.

Never mind all the nice stuff you have with him, remember the sage MN advice: see how a man reacts when you say 'no' to him - that's the true test and shows you who you are really dealing with.

Get rid.

2Kidsinatrenchcoat · 23/08/2020 01:01

Has he actually been diagnosed with depression or is it the same kind of ‘depression’ that my ex had which only appeared when he wanted to guilt me into letting him get his way but if I ever suggested he get help for it then it suddenly wasn’t that bad

PercyKirke · 23/08/2020 01:04

What in God's name do you get from this relationship?????

k1233 · 23/08/2020 01:07

He's playing games. He didn't "need" you when he went away on holidays. Now he's back, he wants you to jump when he says and is trying to manipulate you to do what he wants with his depression.

CJsGoldfish · 23/08/2020 01:07

You are looking at a lifetime of being manipulated by his 'depression' if you don't cut him loose. Life is too short for this kind of shite

Flip

1 2 3 4