To be cagey about school run

[DoingItForTheKid]

My DD is starting Y7 and some mums are talking about travel.

There is public transport but I might drive my child when it works for me.

I don't want to get involved in giving others a lift because some of them aren't very nice, the parents don't reciprocate playdates and their timekeeping is ropey etc...

So, I just keep schtum, right?

Yes yes!!! Don't utter a word

Of course. If you don't want to give lifts, it's fine. Blame social distancing.

You don’t what to get into that
Start as you mean to go on, if it means a white lie so what

Oh god. No regular lifts! (You have a very changeable work schedule, don't you?).

Absolutely keep this to yourself for an easy life!

You sometimes take her when you've got an errand to do on the way there/way back don't you

So if a mum says "oh shall our DC meet on the way", i was thinking of saying sorry she can't commit as she might get a lift (implying she might get a lift with a neighbour who doesn't exist, not me).

But one lie leads to another and I know I'll come unstuck.

If I say social distancing, I'm worried they'll just say they'll wear masks.

Huh? You don't owe anyone lifts. It doesn't need any secrecy

So if a mum says "oh shall our DC meet on the way", i was thinking of saying sorry she can't commit as she might get a lift

Why would either of you be getting involved?

"They've got each others phone numbers, they can organise it if they want to, it's all up to them now isn't it, got to give them the independence."

"Shall the kids meet halfway?" Dc might go in the car sometimes so ill let you know

I can honestly imagine one of the mums saying can I pick her child up on the way.

What do I say to that???

I know the MN mantra is "No is a complete sentence but I struggle with that.

I would just say oh I’m sorry, I would love to help out but I’m savouring these last few school runs we get together before DC refuses to let me drive them to school as they will soon want to go independently. That way she won’t ask again. Perfectly reasonable to not want to always be taking someone extra. X

If she's starting high school you'll probably find you don't have much contact with other parents. They tend to sort stuff out themselves at that age, just tell her to say she's sorted for transport.

I’d just breezily say

Oh our mornings are so hectic so that won’t really work for us. Maybe after Christmas once things have hopefully settled down a bit

Just say - 'DD will probably get the bus most days, probably from X bus stop. Probably easiest they catch up at the bus stop?' or 'so they'll see each other on the bus most days'

I seem to remember the first day or two being different - because there is so much that is New. So I think I did give my DC a lift in on day 1 just so they could not worry about that bit of their first day. I think I offered a first day lift to another child. Of course this was pre covid - in fact I think you are not meant to give lifts these days?

Car sharing is not recommended at the moment. Say no due to social distancing.

where are u all talking about it-on the group round someones house?

The convo has been on WhatsApp

Just ignore the conversation on what's app!!

But surely this woman won't be messaging you every day to ask if your dc will go to school together?!?!

"That doesn't work for me, I'm afraid."

God no. DD1 is about to go into year 8 and luckily I've avoided all parents! Just say it won't work for you and leave it at that. You really don't want to get into all that.

Anyway if someone does ask for a lift just say 'I'm only giving her a lift on the odd day here or there - so sorry I can't help

I found with a friend recently, who asked a cheeky favour: I wrote a firm polite friendly clear message declining. Then she asked again. If someone has such a tin ear/ thick skin to ask twice and not take no for any answer, then you won't upset them by being direct. 2nd time I just said ' re X it's a no' .

She hasn't dumped me as a friend!

I would keep it vague and polite like "oh that just won't work for our schedules", no need to lie or be specific. Once you state a specific excuse, people will try to work around that.

if nobody is asking you directly then make no comment on the WhatsApp!