To be cagey about school run

[DoingItForTheKid]

My DD is starting Y7 and some mums are talking about travel.

There is public transport but I might drive my child when it works for me.

I don't want to get involved in giving others a lift because some of them aren't very nice, the parents don't reciprocate playdates and their timekeeping is ropey etc...

So, I just keep schtum, right?

If it's on whatsapp, there is the option to just say nothing or even leave the group.

Of course if you never do favours, you can't really expect them either.

Lots of parents find out if their children will be able to walk with others. These things are usually sorted out in the school playground by the children but as year 6 ended unexpectedly I can see why it is being discussed on whatsapp by parents.

Why can you not just say, because I don't want to? Lift sharing is a faff. Don't even suggest it may take place later on. This was the beauty of my sons going to a school that wasn't their primary feeder secondary. They didn't know any of the new children so no parents to ask me to give lifts to their children.

If asked can you say you’ll be dropping her off but very early on the way to X. No one will want their child at school for 7 so you might get away with it unless they watch you leave
my dd is starting y7 too and my excuse is not having space in my car for anyone else, what with my other dd and their school bags

The school run is most definitely a thing near us. Probably about 60% are in cars and the 35% in buses are jealous of the extra lie ins etc.

Why are you telling lies when the truth is enough?

When schedule allows I’ll be giving her a lift to school so I don’t want to plan anything solidly as I don’t know when this will be.

Simple!

I would never ever ask. And think it would be rude for anyone to ask. My DDs used to go to ballet, and someone v kindly offered to drive us home almost every week as it was on her way. She was lovely and i was v grateful, esp in winter months, and i always made sure i regulatly gave her a bottle of wine/ some chocs. I would never have dreamt of asking. In a million years. Which should be the norm, no?

Blame Covid? Not exactly a lie either! Following the latest guidance on schools and public transport, I've come to an agreement with to share lifts. But. It's for my DC's BFF, they're going to be in a form together and I'm good friends with his mum. We trust each other and we've shared lots of favours over the years. So hopefully shouldn't be a problem!

If you're going to reply, just put, "I'm planning on DD using public transport".

DD2 is about to join DD1 at secondary and part of the excitement is the entirely independent travel. Just as for DD1, there may be an occasional lift home if I'm passing and it's a day she's had food tech, PE and then orchestra after school so has lots of luggage but apart from that, if there's adequate public transport, it's far better for it to be used than for parents to create a 'school run'.

There will be no play dates in Yr 7? Juat keep quiet about how your child will get to school daily, Secondary is very different to Junior School much less parental involvement. I am sure all the fussing will all die down within a couple of weeks

Just keep quiet unless asked directly, and then say that you wouldn't be comfortable giving lifts because of Covid. Simple.

I'm 30 (so not THAT old I don't think..)

I don't think it's normal for parents of high school children to arrange for them who they walk/travel to school with.

Let your child work it out for themselves and if asked say you're doing just that.

@WhereamI88

I would keep it vague and polite like "oh that just won't work for our schedules", no need to lie or be specific. Once you state a specific excuse, people will try to work around that.

This! I hate when you give a specific reason and people pick it apart and try to work around. Just accept my answer and move on! Learnt this one the hard way.

Or if you don't feel comfort being vague or direct. Tell them DD is using public transport, then if her friend wants to meet her on the day she can say she's managed to get a lift.
(These lifts are always unplanned and only when someone is available/going that way).

If no one asked you directly, and don’t say anything at all. If someone does ask you directly, well, you said yourself they’re not very nice, so you don’t really need to try and spare their feelings do you? I’m not saying be rude, just be direct. CFs can usually tell when someone is too nice, and that is when they pounce! If you get known for being able to stand up for yourself, people won’t try it on. You don’t need to go into too much detail, that’s the way to stop little white lies becoming unstuck. If I were you, I really would practice just saying to people ‘oh we’re not getting into all of that - it never works.’ Or something along those lines. Be a little offhand. You don’t need to give explanations and reasons, because CFs will always find a solution that benefits them.

School politics disappear once DCs start secondary school. No standing at the gates, and in fact you have very minimal contact with other parents at all

No standing at the gates but don't make the mistake of thinking that school gate politics disappear! Maybe it was just our year group, our secondary headteacher did (indiscreetly) say to me once that our year group had the fussiest parent cohort he'd ever met. I've only got rid of it since ds went to sixth form college.

However, as far as the whatsapp group is concerned, switch off notifications and don't engage with questions about lifts etc. If anyone asks a direct question just say dd getting bus.

Do kids not make their own way to secondary school depends where you live and parents' movements - I didn't because my mum used to drop me on way to work and I would have had to get two buses. We moved later and I could get a direct bus so then I took myself.