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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cagey about school run

65 replies

DoingItForTheKid · 22/08/2020 20:26

My DD is starting Y7 and some mums are talking about travel.

There is public transport but I might drive my child when it works for me.

I don't want to get involved in giving others a lift because some of them aren't very nice, the parents don't reciprocate playdates and their timekeeping is ropey etc...

So, I just keep schtum, right?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 22/08/2020 21:21

Yes. Thanks

Haffdonga · 22/08/2020 21:22

What does your dd want to do? Does she want to meet up with these friends on the way?

Thisismytimetoshine · 22/08/2020 21:24

The kids will make their own arrangements by the end of the first week, I guarantee it.
Some people do drive their kids to secondary, but the "school run" as such doesn't exist.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/08/2020 21:25

Say nothing now. A couple of months in, you may have worked out who the genuine people are, and who are the CFs. It's great to have a couple of fellow mums who will help you out if you can't make a drop off/pick up, or if you get held up - on the understanding that all of you will return the favour. But it's hard to work out who these people are at first. Often the CFs will be the ones trying to make nice, because they're looking to manipulate you. Hang back and wait till people start to reveal their true colours.

Also, if you do a favour for someone, make it very clear it's a one-off until you see whether that person returns the favour.

MrsSpookyM · 22/08/2020 21:28

@chillied

Anyway if someone does ask for a lift just say 'I'm only giving her a lift on the odd day here or there - so sorry I can't help

I found with a friend recently, who asked a cheeky favour: I wrote a firm polite friendly clear message declining. Then she asked again. If someone has such a tin ear/ thick skin to ask twice and not take no for any answer, then you won't upset them by being direct. 2nd time I just said ' re X it's a no' .

She hasn't dumped me as a friend!

Ooh what was the cheeky favour? I love a brass neck CF.
NotHotPot · 22/08/2020 21:30

I was asked the same thing - I said that I’d looked at the Government guidance and it said that people outside households should avoid being in the same car if possible, and I was sticking to that.

TorgosPizza · 22/08/2020 21:31

If you must reply, say that your schedule is so unpredictable and your mornings so hectic that it's a struggle as it is, so it's just not possible. If she's bold enough to still pester, I'd repeat that it's simply not possible.

I understand how difficult it can be to say "no", but the pushier a person is, the easier it is to become annoyed or even angry that they're so inconsiderate and unwilling to take an obvious hint, and at some point I stop caring whether or not they think I'm rude, because I know that they are being much ruder than I am.

Livelovebehappy · 22/08/2020 21:34

School politics disappear once DCs start secondary school. No standing at the gates, and in fact you have very minimal contact with other parents at all. So really shouldn’t be something you have to discuss. Unless they text you, which gives you time to plan your response depending what they say.

Voice0fReason · 22/08/2020 21:37

So if a mum says "oh shall our DC meet on the way", i was thinking of saying sorry she can't commit as she might get a lift
This really doesn't happen at secondary age.
If another mum did ask then tell them that the DC can sort out what they want to do between them.

Thripp · 22/08/2020 21:39

OP, it's secondary school. It will be very odd if all the parents are still whatsapping one another once their children are actually at the school.

If anyone asks you directly (and they would be weird to do this, as anyone with secondary school DC will tell you that parents getting involved with one another is truly mortifying), just say you're not sure what DD's plans are.

I'm mightily glad that WhatsApp didn't exist when my children were that age. I'd switch it off, OP.

RandomMess · 22/08/2020 21:39

Leave the what's App group?

DPotter · 22/08/2020 21:41

Buy a 2 seater car.
My DP took DD to school pretty much everyday at secondary and never had to worry about being asked to lift share as he's care was a 2 seater

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 22/08/2020 21:44

This has happened to me pre-COVID and I’ve said saying that mornings are so hectic getting to school/work on time that I can’t give lifts. Luckily most people understand that.

Years ago I did give a regular morning lift and it was a nightmare, either we were running late or they were. 😂

reluctantbrit · 22/08/2020 21:48

You will find out that it is extremely uncool for Y7 children to be dropped of by mummy.

Once in a while I do it as it is on the way to do the weekly shopping. I have to stop at a side road :-)

I wasn’t even allowed to drive her on the first day in secondary.

Unless the school is miles away and absolutely unsuitable to walk you won’t see a lot of classmates. DD also lost contact with all old school friends apart from the ones in her form or the ones where the forms mix.

Dominicgoings · 22/08/2020 21:54

You’re overthinking OP.
If anyone asks you directly to give their child a lift tell them she’s getting the bus.

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/08/2020 21:55

What does Dd want to do ?

My Ds was excited walking with friends- the idea of walking in that big school alone was quite scary.

Sunflowertall · 22/08/2020 22:01

Just be honest and say you don't want to make the commitment to anyone.
'its only an occasional thing and so I don't want to make the commitment to anyone not in our house'.
That's totally fine and anyone who has a problem with that would not be someone worth the drama of a friendship with.

GypsyRoseGarden · 22/08/2020 22:02

don't say anything on whatsapp
if asked directly, say you don't know what her (dd) plans are
leave it at that

Tartyflette · 22/08/2020 22:08

Err those people saying the school run doesn't exist for secondary schools it bloody does around here!
We live rurally and the schools are all in the nearest town, but sadly getting the bus was seen as extremely UNcool. DS absolutely loved getting a lift to school , (and the extra 20 minutes or so in bed) not that it happened very often.
His school issued diktats on parking that were routinely ignored (not by me, Halo I parked a few minutes away) and looking at the congestion every morning and afternoon around the other secondaries in the town, i would say it was the same there.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 22/08/2020 22:11

“I’m not quite sure what we’ll be doing, so best make plans without me/ dd.” Or “we’ll probably decide what suits us as we go along, so count us out”. That sort of thing.

Kashtan · 22/08/2020 22:11

Agree @Tartyflette
At three of the 4 schools I have worked at, and at the 2 secondary schools my dc attended the school run is very much a thing, with the local area mobbed by cars dropping kids off and picking up.

mumwalk · 22/08/2020 22:17

Do kids not make their own way to secondary school?

footprintsintheslow · 22/08/2020 22:20

No lifts or before you know it you'll be starting a thread on here in AIBU about lift shares.

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/08/2020 22:20

don't do it! i shared lifts with another family when we both had kids at 2 different schools. it was a chuffing nightmare, they were always always late for the meet-up/child swap even when we went to their house they weren't anywhere near ready and I just couldn't hoick my big girl pants up high enough to say it wasn't working for me. just don't join in! if pressed, then make some vague noises about not sure what's happening with work and what i can commit to so best we do our own thing blah blah

Saz12 · 22/08/2020 22:23

Sorry - I’ve so much on in the morning I just can’t commit to picking anyone up. You’ll not be en route most days as we need to go via xxxx town sometimes. If Little Tullalabelle really wants to go in with Perfect Child then you’re welcome to picked he’d up st 8am from ours....

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