Grandparent watching the news

[Chicci1]

My parents see their grandchildren once a week - usually when we visit them on a Saturday for about two hours. Myself and dh usually take turns entertaining the children while we’re there. They’re age 2 and 5. Today after the first hour, they wanted to watch cartoons. After they had watched tv for 5 minutes, my father insisted on putting on the news. There wasn’t any particular news story he wanted to see or anything. He just insisted on putting it on because he felt like watching it. Cue upset kids who had been promised cartoons. Am I unreasonable to feel livid and that I’m not bothered making the effort to visit on a weekly basis anymore.

I feel like I’m in a parallel world sometimes.

When I take my kids to see they’re GP the GP want to play with the children, don’t want to watch Adult TV. Everyone I know would be the same and would never put TV on fur themselves.

My 90yo Grandmother would ask what TV the kids would like when we went over and they got a bit bored.

I would say that the weekly visits don’t sound expecting for anyone - why do you persist?

My PIL have each of our children once a week and do all sorts with them (they’re in their 70s, kids are 7 & 2) - if they want to see the kids they want to actually engage and be with them.

Your parents are being unreasonable in my opinion.

I’d cut my visits back significantly and I’d explain why - not as an argument.

‘Mum/Dad - I think we need to cut the visits down - I think we’re all finding it really hard at the moment. The kids are too active to contain and occupy and I can see we’re too disruptive. What do you think about every 3 week instead?’

Typos - FFS. You get the gist.

If someone came to my house and was watching something on the tv, it would be really rude of me to just change the channel without consulting them first.

Just because they are children doesnt stop it from being rude.

Maybe he just wanted to watch the news? Tbh I never watch the news as generally catch up online but family members of mine really do make a point of tuning in every night! Maybe it's just his routine?

Just because they are children doesnt stop it from being rude.

I agree. Respect should be two way. I grew up in a house where children were second class citizens. I make a conscious effort to lead by example.

If your parents don't bother paying any attention to their grandkids then why do you bother taking them to visit?? Sounds like no-one enjoys it, why not take the kids on a day out somewhere fun on a weekend and actually enjoy yourselves??

I can see where you're coming from OP, I get slightly annoyed at my DM's rush to put the TV on for my children when we visit so we aren't distracted from adult conversation by them, but turning the TV off while making no effort to interact with them sounds worse! I don't think you should feel obliged to visit them every week if it doesn't suit you.

I wouldn't visit as often, maybe once a month. Then all you can do something together for a couple of hours then leave until next month.
It sounds like GP like the idea of your dc more than the reality.

I think it's a lesson in "you can't always get your way in other people's houses".

However it's very annoying when grandparents don't take an interest in their visiting grandchildren. It's a wonder they were ever parents themselves, yes kids are exhausting but having a chat with them, showing them flowers in the garden, sitting and playing or making food with them really should be so hard for most grandparents.

@Pobblebonk

I'm a bit bemused at the concept that you should only watch the news if there's a specific item you're interested in. I watch the news to find out the news, and by definition there are likely to be a number of items most of which I know nothing about in advance.

Fair enough but the news is on more than once a day, you can pick it up at almost any time; there was no need to insist on having it on while the children were there.

My son goes by whatever is happening at his grandparents house, their house their rules

I think being ‘livid’ is a bit of an overreaction on your part, but I would certainly be quite pissed off at your DD’s lack of consideration towards his grandchildren. Did he not even acknowledge their upset?

Never promise anything when it's someone else's house.

An easy fix for this is to bring a tablet for the kids to watch something on.

If your parents were that fussed about seeing your kids they would be more accommodating, so that kind of thing would be considered a cue that the visit is over.

@AlternativePerspective

WTF is it with people on here? No-one is ever a bit annoyed, they’re always “livid, incandescent, fuming.” Seriously get a bloody grip.

I do find this funny.

People getting so wound up over insignificant things. What state do they in when the shit really hits the fan.

He only sees his grandchildren for 2 hours each week, surely his attention should be on the kids or chatting with you. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Reduce visits, he might actually spend time with them if he see them less.

My father was like this, he was a miserable arse who couldn’t stand the attention on anyone else so he’d do things like this. It was a power thing I think. Then when my kids got upset, he’d tell me they were spoilt. There were lots of other issues but I reduced contact and now don’t see him or my mother at all. Life is better.

Kids can be noisy and tedious and no matter how much a person may love them it's nice when they leave. If your parents suggested cartoons to quieten the kids, I'd maybe look at ways to keep them a little quieter in future.

Super rude of your FiL (and deliberately so) to turn it over after they had offered the children (their guests) cartoons.

If this is symptomatic of visits that the children turn up for their grandparents’ sake but have a rotten time and are routinely treated as second class then YANBU to go less often. If it’s a one off and visits are normally fun for everyone then making a change on the basis of one visit is very U.

What's the point in going for 2 hours a week if your parents can't be bothered to interact with the kids?

What really weird responses. Op didn't promise cartoons, the grandparents did. Yes it's their TV, but if they're rude to their guests and don't bother interacting with them, they face the consequences of people choosing not to visit them.

I think op is generally fed up with her parents expectation to be visited, while they have no intention of interacting with the DCs.

Deference purely based on age is slowly becoming a thing of the past (thankfully). If you behave inconsiderately to your guests, don't expect to have visitors.

Tbh and I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this but I don't really like my 2 and 4 year olds watching the news- yes it's real life but it's pretty graphic and anxiety inducing at times. At that age they can't differentiate between advert and reality, I don't want them to see bombs and refugees and racist cops and all the nasty shite that goes on with the world.

Love how everyone is making out like you're making a massive imposition on your parents to drag your kids over when the kids probably couldn't give a fuck about seeing someone who doesn't interact with them and its actually mostly for the grandparents benefit!

Originally you said the children expressed wanting to watch tv but then changed your mind and said the grandparents suggested it.
It doesn't matter though as his house, his TV. Perhaps he didn't suggest the TV, perhaps he didn't realise it was nearly time for the news or perhaps he thought a fee minutes of telly was long enough for children of that age.
If you don't want to go then don't but it's a ridiculous thing to be livid over.

It could be, though @Chicci1, that your parents are more interested in talking to you than your children. Little children, let's be honest, can be exhausting and also quite boring after a while!

Why not visit at another time of day? Or reduce the frequency of your visits?

And - have you actually talked to your dad about this?