Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Garden fence would you be offended?

83 replies

Icantrememebrtheartist · 22/08/2020 14:37

Moved in to new house. Garden has a wooden fence about 5ft tall if that and it’s one with bigs gaps that you can completely see through. New neighbours are lovely but there is NO privacy at all. We both have children and their children stand on chairs to lean over our fence and watch us in our house, it drives me nuts.

Fence is now broken and we’ve discussed splitting the cost on replacing fence. I want to replace it with a 6ft “solid” fence So we both have “private” gardens. They are deeply offended by this and want another short fence. I think if we go ahead with a 6ft fence it will cause bad feeling. Would you put up the higher fence anyway?

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 22/08/2020 15:14

Have a 6ft solid fence. I don't understand why your neighbours would be offended, good fences (or walls), usually encourage good relations with neighbours. Nobody should be standing on chairs looking over, that is offensive.

Kazzyhoward · 22/08/2020 15:15

OP, stand your ground. Give them a choice, it's 50:50 for a replacement jointly owned fence, or you're going to build your own fence on your side of the boundary. The latter will look ridiculous from their side, so given that choice, they should have the sense to go 50:50 with you on a higher joint fence.

diddl · 22/08/2020 15:15

@Flatpackback

If it's not your fence put up a 6ft on your side of it
Yup!

They can keep their 5ft if they want toGrin

ginghamtablecloths · 22/08/2020 15:17

I'd go with the 6' fence and in addition I'd grow climbers or shrubs in front so that it gives even more privacy then let them get a bit higher than the fence - prickly pyracantha?

I remember being a child and it never occurred to me to stand on a chair next to a fence to watch neighbours - what's the matter with them?

Brunilde · 22/08/2020 15:19

Do they have the same fence all around their garden, so if you only replace the bit between you they will have one side of the garden that wouldn't match the others?

Witchlight · 22/08/2020 15:22

Do you have “town” gardens, ie a long narrow strip. Will putting the fence higher block sun from the garden? If so you are unreasonable. The 6’ fence is the maximum allowed, it isn’t necessarily the most appropriate.

If you both have wide gardens go for it. Narrow ones? Glad I don’t live next door! You can stop the children looking by keeping it the same height and putting a more solid fence up.

goingtotown · 22/08/2020 15:22

If you can’t agree on 6ft panels you could have 6ft concrete posts with 5ft panels plus 1ft lattice trellis.
Looks good & you’ll have privacy.

Uhw67 · 22/08/2020 15:25

We had exactly the same -we moved in and the one side of the garden had a fence that was very low (probably around 2/3 foot) but we didnt want to offend them immediately by putting in a higher fence and it was winter anyway. However fence got damaged the following winter and as lovely as our neighbour was I just didnt want to have a chat everytime we went into the garden. We did pre-warn them we were replacing it with 6ft featheredge and they got a little miffed as they thought a low fence was nice and sociable but we stuck to our guns. Theyve got over it - and actually theyve painted their side and put planters up so its all worked out.

WoolyMammoth55 · 22/08/2020 15:28

I think @GOODCAT makes really interesting points for the "other side" - can I ask if you'd feel that a shorter fence topped with trellis and planting would be a compromise?

I'm like the OP and want to raise our fence between us and the NDN who are the chatty, pop a head over type. We actually have a lower fence the other side but that neighbour hardly uses the garden and keeps herself to herself! For me it's not about needing 6ft fences everywhere, just not wanting the intrusive "oi what about Boris now then?" high-volume chats every time I've popped outside for 3 minutes to play hide and seek with my toddler!

OP, unless they are awful people (which you haven't said) I think you should try to have a calm chat with them explaining your reasoning: that you find the peeping over the fence uncomfortable, and that you'd like your garden to feel more private. Offer to do the top foot in trellis if they're concerned about light but ask that in return they encourage their kids not to look over - ask them to take the chairs away if they see them doing it.

It's always an exercise in compromise living in close proximity but I think if you say nothing and put the 5ft fence back in, it will start to grate on you and the relationship will go sour anyway. If you're going to be on remote terms with the neighbours you might at least have the fence you want! Good luck.

Wondersense · 22/08/2020 15:30

I wouldn't be offended if my neighbours didn't want my children looking at them all them time. It's up to them to manage that, and they're not, so now you feel like you want a 6 ft fence as a result.

The only think that would annoy me is how much light some fences can block into gardens, but other than that I wouldn't care.

Plus, do you own the house? This fence could actually add to its value. We went to see a house once in a very close knit community. We felt we'd be looked at as oddities anyway as out-of-towners, but that's something I'm used to by now. We went into the back garden and the fence had very much been eroded over time by the next door neighbour's boys, so they could now see through the fence into the garden just by standing next to it. This feel worse because the garden was so small and we felt watched on all sides as it was.

It didn't help matters when we went to view the house and as soon as we set foot in the garden, the next door neighbours boys ran out and looked at us though the fence. I thought 'Great. This is how it's going to be if we buy this place. Not only overlooked by everyone in the neighbourhood but by our neighbours too through the fence'.

As you can imagine, as someone new to that neighbourhood, a would-be buyer would not relish the though of approaching the new neighbours to repair the fence if they were used to their little darlings snooping for years without a problem.

Kazzyhoward · 22/08/2020 15:31

I've wasted far too much time, money and energy trying to placate neighbours. You can only do so much. After years of trying to work with neighbours at the bottom of our garden with a joint fence, I gave up and put up a separate solid 6 footer. Every time a panel fell apart it was the same story - rather than just go halves with us for a replacement, they'd say they were thinking of a shaped fence or a different style for the whole row, so we ended up patching them up. They'd never actually commit to what they wanted, never a good time for their household budget, or whatever. Their kids thought nothing of kicking their ball against the fence (damaging it further), or climbing over to retrieve footballs, etc - they'd even start lifting them out when they were older to get their ball back. After years of indecision and the fence looking scruffier from constant patch ups, we'd had enough and had our own 6 footer installed. It looks lovely from our side, and to be blunt, I couldn't give a shit how it looks from their side. They had their chance, year after year, but wouldn't engage, so tough.

LonelyGir1 · 22/08/2020 15:35

High fence

Kazzyhoward · 22/08/2020 15:36

This fence could actually add to its value.

I'd agree with that. When we were looking at houses, low fences were always a big turn off. We don't mind our garden being overlooked from neighbours' upstairs windows etc (we're unlikely to be prancing around naked), but we really don't want to have Mrs Miggins from next door shouting over to talk every time we go out, and certainly wouldn't want her kids looking over the fence or the fence being so low that their toys/balls were constantly coming into our garden.

Pogmella · 22/08/2020 15:37

Take up topless sun bathing or borrow a snarly yappy dog for a bit before you ask again

DilloDaf · 22/08/2020 15:39

As said by a PP, tell neighbours you're thinking of getting a rescue dog and so a 6ft fence is needed. Easy to say you've changed your mind about a dog later.

feebeecat · 22/08/2020 15:40

We had a similar problem with our neighbour, although in addition to complaining that the fence needed replacing, they also insisted that it was our responsibility. We stuck with the five foot panels, but put them on concrete gravel boards “Our” fence, not at lot they could say 🤷‍♀️

Jojobythesea · 22/08/2020 15:40

@WiddlinDiddlin

Easy peasy..

'Ah but we are thinking about getting a rescue dog and that means we have to have a solid six foot fence or we won't be considered'...

And then if you dont actually want a dog, simply don't get one :D :D if its ever raised again 'oh well in the end we changed our minds'... :D

This is good to keep relations good. I'm all for not tiptoeing around but it's still nice to have neighbours that you can smile and say hello to. The reasoning is also true for many dogs.
Yesterdayforgotten · 22/08/2020 15:41

OP def stick the fence up. I used to have a little fence right down the side of our garden so absolutely no privacy (I would feel embarrassed if sunbathing or if wanting to step out quickly in dressing gown etc to get washing in). The whole set up was incredibly awkward esp because they were a lovely but particularly nosy family; we would catch them looking into our house. Hmm Everytime we stepped out to our backgarden we had an audience (they sat right next to the fence next to our patio when they had a large garden but nope they would sit there and could see and hear everything we said. The fence didnt stop the listening but it blocked their view.

monkeymonkey2010 · 22/08/2020 15:46

you have a right to your privacy - and you don't need to compromise with your neighbours.
They might enjoy the peeping-tom element of the old fence - but you don't and these are your children you have responsibility towards.

Get the fence you need and just brush off their attitude with a blunt "we prefer to respect everyone's privacy and security" line.
Don't be apologetic about it.
If they try peering over the 6ft fence - i'd plant potted bamboo so it grows higher than that - cheekyfuckers!

wifflewafflebiscuit · 22/08/2020 15:47

Definitely go for the rescue dog /6 foot fence combo and when they ask about the dog, say ah we
Keep applying but haven't found one they're happy to house with children

sycamorecottage · 22/08/2020 15:49

How about a compromise - a 5ft solid fence with 1ft trellis at the top?

The kids won't be able to see through, you won't feel so enclosed in a narrow garden, it will keep balls in better and the fence will be less likely to blow down in gales.

Yesterdayforgotten · 22/08/2020 15:52

I dont agree, compromise isn't needed, they don't need to see into your garden.

madcatladyforever · 22/08/2020 16:00

They should stop their wretched children standing on chairs to look into your house then shouldn't they. I wouldn't stand for that. Some people really take the piss.

Polnm · 22/08/2020 16:03

A 6ft block fence may take the sun. Our neighbours insisted on leaving an open fence at one end as it would have blocked the evening sun. From their garden

Nottobesoldseparately · 22/08/2020 16:05

Compromise.

7/8 ft posts (so enough is in the ground) 5ft fence panels,
1ft trellis
Which takes it to 6ft but stops it being so overpowering from their perspective

It's not worth falling out with someone you could potentially be living next door to.for the next 20 years!