Friend's behaviour

[Immigrantsong]

Today is my birthday and my friend has yet to contact me. Her birthday is on the same day one month prior to mine, so it's easy to remember for both of us as the day is the same and only the month differs.

I always do loads for her birthday and build it up so she can feel special and loved. Last month for her birthday, I did a social distanced BBQ on the weekend before her big day and gave her some gifts. She loved everything and seemed to appreciate the effort. I also made sure to text her and call her on her actual birthday after the weekend.

Yet today it's my birthday and so far I have had no text or call.

This has made me reflect on things. I seem to be the one keeping the friendship going and make all the effort. She never initiates anything and comes to me when she needs something. I have seen her though make efforts for others and can't believe I have been so oblivious.

She is the only friend I have from the same country and we usually wish happy birthday early in the day as a custom.

Aibu to feel upset and that if she truly wanted she would be making more of an effort? What would you do if this was you?

Please be gentle, feeling very upset about this.

If a friend went to all that effort for my birthday, I would die a thousand deaths before I forgot theirs! In fact, I'd make a point of remembering and celebrating it.
Some people are just a bit crap, OP. No excuses.

You sound so lovely OP.

@Friendsoftheearth has written so wisely.
👏

I can understand your wishing to help her with regard to the job interview, just because you don't want her to suffer. I might very likely have done the same, not at most times, but probably at the present time, when many people are terrified of job loss and economic ruin, when they are not terrified of illness and death! But it's important to remember that kindness can sometimes be its own reward, and a good reward, but not necessarily one that will convert a user or uncaring person into a friend.. Probably because of my own attitude to my birthday, I don't regard her birthday neglect as seriously as some people here do; but I do think that her failure to be there for you during your own crises means that she is not a true friend. You deserve to have some better friends, and I am sure that you will find them soon!