Summer born Reception starter collywobbles. Anyone else or AIBU?

[Rainallnight]

DD turned 4 in June and is starting Reception soon. I’ve been very up for it till now but now I’m having wobbles. She’s so young! And we’ve spent the past six months in a country where everyone starts at 5, so they think we’re mad.

She’s very sociable, curious, loves playing, learning etc, so on paper she’s really ready for it.

At the same time, she just still seems so little and with all the Covid restrictions we won’t even be able to take her into the classroom. And she has a medical condition which affects her toileting (sometimes small leaks of wee and poo) which just makes it a bit more complicated.

Anyone else feeling the same or do I just need to woman up?

I think it's really normal to hesitate when you first send them to school. Add to that, the fact she is summer born and her medical condition, the country you've just moved from being 5+ start and then that wee virus that's been doing the rounds... yes, I would feel nervous too.

That said, mine is about to go into year 1 and has learnt so much in the past year. Anyone I know who has chosen to send summer babies age 4 have been absolutely fine.

There is no wrong answer here. Sorry that is so unhelpful! Can you discuss with the school, especially re toileting to see what they say about it? I'm sure they deal with it quite a lot tbh as they are very young in reception.

I'm a reception teacher and I've not been able to have any transition time with my new starters. However, I've spoken to parents at length on the phone and we have a week of half days.

The first few weeks will be for settling the new children in so rest assured that they will be eased in gently. There will be time for lots of independent play and learning new routines.

It will be a daunting but ultimately wonderful experience. Before you know ithat, your daughter will be getting really excited about school 😊

My 4 year old starts school this year also so I'm seeing it from both perspectives!!!

Reception class is a unique experience as it's predominately play based!

Have you spoken 1-1 with your new teacher about your daughter's condition? The staff will be so experienced with toileting, they won't bad an eyelid!

I'd touch base again with teacher to put your mind at rest.

Good luck!!! I have taught year 1 for 10 years but my heart is with early years.

Lots of children won't have been in a care settings since March, so in that respect the starting points will be similar for the whole class xx

I live in Scotland, the youngest children start here at 4.5 with the youngest being January and February borns. Most people I know defer their children if they're jan/feb birthdays.
My son turned 4 in July and I can't imagine sending him to school now.

So I sympathise. Could you defer or is it too late?

My summer born turns 6 tomorrow and has just finished reception as we deferred him to start reception at CSA (compulsory school age). Best decision we have made for him as he has thrived at school, is this an option for you? There is a fantastic group on Facebook 'flexible school admission for summer borns' if it's something you want to consider.

Oh thank you, you’re all so kind, I feel a bit weepy now!

It is just that whole combination of stuff that @NonsensicalWitch describes, especially with Covid.

I think you’re right that there is no wrong answer.

We’re due a meeting with the teacher and the head of early years shortly. They sound brilliant. I dropped them a line to ask if we could talk about the toileting and also the fact that DD is adopted just so we’re all on the same page about how we talk about it. They got back to me straight away and couldn’t have been more responsive and up for talking about how to support her.

Reception doesn’t start till mid Sept, so we have a bit more time for all that.

Thanks @alphabetsoup1980, it’s good to hear from your perspective. And good luck to your little one!

@YesINameChangeEveryDay Your question made me instantly think, ‘no, we don’t need to defer, she’s ready for this’ so I guess that’s my answer. I’m still just a bit scared!

I'm nervous about my ds starting reception and he is going to be the oldest in the year (though doesn't seem it). He has a speech delay and physically things have taken him longer so I'm apprehensive about the toileting situation. Alongside covid and having missed so much of school transition time its all a bit much. So you're not alone in the worry.
All we can do is prepare them best we can and discuss our worries with the staff. They'll be well taken care of. I used to be an early years teacher but it doesn't seem to make it any easier.

Same as Politics above, we started our Summerborn daughter at Compulsory School Age in Reception when she was 5. It has been brilliant for her. I'm also from a country where children start formal schooling at 5. I don't think it's too late for you to request, but be aware that some head teachers and admissions authorities are obstructive and ignorant of the law. If it's something you're interested in I would also recommend joining the Facebook group that Politics mentions. Loads of info and support there. X

It's normal to have wobbles, especially with Summer born children (all of mine are!) because at the start of reception the maturity gap between the oldest and youngest in the year seems huge.

As it happens, I was talking to my eldest (about to go into year 11!) about this last night. The youngest in his class when he started had a birthday in the last week of August. The oldest turned 5 on the day they started.

It does all settle down eventually, but other than deferring, our system does seem quite inflexible (our primary would not allow a delayed start for example). I did look into deferring with my youngest, but hadn't really appreciated that it would mean joining their peers without having had the reception year, rather than starting with the year group below. In the end they started when expected and have coped, and although the differences in emotional maturity are still apparent some years in, academically they are where they should be.

My dd was 4 in the summer of 93. She excelled at school no problems - went to uni and is in a great job! . Ds was an August baby and has just finished strict army training at 19. Never occurred to me to put school back a year!

I did look into deferring with my youngest, but hadn't really appreciated that it would mean joining their peers without having had the reception year, rather than starting with the year group below.

I think that's terrible. In Scotland if you defer you get your extra year at nursery and then go into p1 the following August (rather than p2).
It doesn't make any sense to me to have the compulsory education age as 5 and then make them start at 4.

Most parents are nervous about their children starting school, so what you're feeling is totally normal.

You could ask for your child to go part-time if you have concerns.

As a June baby, I think your child will be fine. I always think of summer babies as the ones born when school would be shut - ie. end of July, August or early September.

I do know an August born child who started school the week after her 4th birthday and she had no problems and is thriving.

Think of it as sending your child to a pre-school class rather than school. Reception is very nurturing; there are no formal chairs and desks- most kids have a great time learning through play.

My DD was born in June and my nephew was born right at the end of August! They have both been absolutely fine. I think if you have a Summer born you assume you're the only one, but in my DD's class they were mostly Spring or Summer babies. It does feel strange but it will be fine.

I'm a TA in reception, we have two children that are deferring their start til later in the school year. The rest of the summer born children are all starting in September and they're going to have such a massive advantage over the other two, not just academically but socially too.

We're doing hour long settles in very small groups to start. Term starts on 7th September and the children aren't all in all day until 23rd so they have plenty of time to get used to it. There are a couple of children we've been warned about toileting issues with and as PP said, we won't bat an eyelid.

You're completely normal to be having jitters about sending her but give it til October half term and see how much she's thriving, it'll blow you away

@TeddyBeans can I be cheeky and jump in? Obviously I know how toileting is normally just dealt with in reception (having done it myself) but how is covid affecting it all? I know obviously staff are going to be wanting to limit contact. Ds is going in his PE clothes on PE day for example so they don't have to have help getting changed.

My experience when it comes to this issue is that most people will say “Just do it! Everyone does it and their children are fine!”

Most people are reluctant to challenge the status quo, as it were.

I deferred my May born son so he’s starting Reception this year at 5y4m. But he’s autistic so no one has said anything negative to me about it.

I honestly have no idea whether you’re too late to defer, but the Facebook group is full of experts so it’s worth pursuing if you feel strongly that you must.

I remember starting a similar thread (different name) for DS1 years ago, he started days after his fourth birthday and seemed like a baby compared to some of the older children.
He's just left secondary now a 6 foot 2 (classic MN teen speak but it's true) he has had the easiest time at school. Great friends, excellent reports, really happy with his GCSE results. His main complaint at the moment is two of his friends have booked driving lessons next month when DS isn't even 16 yet!
Try not to worry and trust the teachers and staff.

[quote Treaclepie19]@TeddyBeans can I be cheeky and jump in? Obviously I know how toileting is normally just dealt with in reception (having done it myself) but how is covid affecting it all? I know obviously staff are going to be wanting to limit contact. Ds is going in his PE clothes on PE day for example so they don't have to have help getting changed.[/quote]
The way the bubbles are working in school means that everyone in our class is our bubble. Essentially nothing's changing except the children can't free flow with the other reception class. So in that respect, toileting will be pretty much as was but all parents have been asked to pack changes of clothes in their child's bag because school spares won't be being used. PE doesn't start til after half term for us but the children will be coming in in their PE kits too

Thanks for your help @TeddyBeans :)
They've not even mentioned spare clothes but I had planned to pack some just in case.

Another who delayed entry here. My son was 6 on Wednesday and he was in reception last year. That extra yeast made such a difference and it’s the best decision we ever made. But all kids are different and you know yours best.

@Treaclepie19 my pleasure! Obviously different schools will interpret the advice in different ways so it's always best to check with your school what their take on it is but I can't imagine it being wildly different

I think that we start children too early in the U.K., but honestly if you think she is ready for it then I wouldn’t worry. She will be ok. In terms of the toileting I guess she’ll need an intimate care plan and I would discuss this with her teacher as someone (probably the TA?) will need to support her with changing if she has an accident. Just send her with spare clothes and make sure you know what will happen if she has an accident in school - where does she get changed, who will support, will there be someone else around, do they record it? Etc.

I worked in reception for years and saw many children like your daughter who were very young for reception absolutely flourish, being summer born can cause some challenges for some children but not always. The toileting issue also is something that honestly reception staff will be experienced with, it’s par for the course to have someone who needs extra help whether it’s medical or just that they’re not quite there yet!

As I say I do think we start children very early, and it is different with COVID, but you have to think about what’s best for her. Would keeping her back a year be because you feel she isn’t ready or because you feel you aren’t? If it’s the latter I’d say I think you need to try and manage your worries. Remember she isn’t compulsory school age so if you started her and found she wasn’t enjoying it you could try her on a reduced timetable (but in my experience schools aren’t always keen to do that).

My son is an August baby. He started school at 4 years 2 weeks. I was sick with worry about him.

He's now 17 with 10gcses at grades 7-9 and is halfway through A levels with targets of AAA.

He has a lovely group of friends, is very funny and motivated and ambitious.

Give it go, be ready for more sleep being needed! Try not to worry

OP, I am in Scotland so mine is the same but is youngest in class at 4.5. When she was younger we were sure we would defer, generally believing that later education is better for all kids. However as her own personality has come into the mix - she would really struggle with staying ‘behind’ her friends. She is really articulate and talkative, more than older peers, although not massively into practicing reading and writing yet. She is also really tall, taller than most of the 5yr olds. We just feel if we kept her a year, she’d be this gangly kid who was totally not in step with her peers. And she’d feel held back. So she has started. One of her friends from nursery who is 5 and starting to read is really bored with what they’ve been doing, whereas my DD is quite engaged, I can imagine in another year mine would be the same.

There’s no right answer - depends on the kid - that’s why the choice is there I guess. I do have a few wobbles too, but am pretty confident it is the right decision for her, even with covid.

My DD was a summer baby born premature and I worried about this, but she loved playing and learning so I sent her. She started reception last year at just 4 and will go into year 1 in September. She loved it from day one and has thrived being at school. She now reads and does maths and writes and is so happy to be at school. Just incase you needed reassurance from a summer born perspective.

Also at the school DD is at, they have said that they will help children regardless if they need it.