Summer born Reception starter collywobbles. Anyone else or AIBU?

[Rainallnight]

DD turned 4 in June and is starting Reception soon. I’ve been very up for it till now but now I’m having wobbles. She’s so young! And we’ve spent the past six months in a country where everyone starts at 5, so they think we’re mad.

She’s very sociable, curious, loves playing, learning etc, so on paper she’s really ready for it.

At the same time, she just still seems so little and with all the Covid restrictions we won’t even be able to take her into the classroom. And she has a medical condition which affects her toileting (sometimes small leaks of wee and poo) which just makes it a bit more complicated.

Anyone else feeling the same or do I just need to woman up?

I saw above that someone said that deferring until they're 5 means that your child misses Reception and goes straight to year 1. Not true (or doesn't need to be).

Parents have a legal right to request that their Summerborn child starts Reception at Compulsory School Age when they are 5. We successfully did this, and so have many, many other people in England, and numbers are increasing. For anyone interested in pursuing this, the Department for Education Guidance is found here: www.gov.uk/government/publications/summer-born-children-school-admission

You need to know your rights and be prepared to defend them in the face of Admissions Authorities who should, but don't, know the law. Some Admissions are great and accept that you are the ones who know your child best - while some are lazy bureaucratic arseholes who will argue that special circumstances are required. The DfE guidance specifically says they are not. The Guidance also says that there is no reason that a child should ever (having successfully started Reception at CSA) have to skip a year at any point to join what would have been their original cohort - even when starting secondary.

As a PP said, why are we expected to start our children a full year before Compulsory School Age? We all know our own children best and whether starting school at 4 or 5 is best for them - some kids will thrive at 4 and others do a lot better if they wait a year. Either is an option.

Wanted to add that different LEAs and individual schools will likely have different rules regarding part time / delayed starts / deferred starts. Both our LEA and school were inflexible, but that may have changed since my youngest started.

Either way, ultimately you have to do what you think is the right thing for your child in this situation, but if you are considering deferring, check whether you would still get a place at your preferred primary. It was made clear to us at the time, that the place was based on the expected enrolment year and that there may not be a place available if we deferred.

BTW if you get approval for your child to start Reception at Compulsory School Age, you need to reapply for school the following year. You aren't given a place that is held (deferred) for a year. You just apply the following year, with the approval for the admissions authority in place, and are then allocated a Reception place the same way as anyone else.

I deferred our summerborn and he's starting this year. Best decision I ever made

DS is a December baby so I'm not in your shoes, but I have my birthday late June. Deferring wasn't a thing back then, but I wanted to let you know I absolutely loved school from the very first day, thrived socially and achieved very well academically. My DN had his birthday a few days ago and turned five, he started reception last year, two weeks after his fourth birthday and it was the making of him. He's confident, happy and his social skills , empathy etc have come on leaps and bounds. The school sound great, meet with them and trust your judgement, you know your daughter best.

The other thing I will say is that, IME, that year or so between when they turn four and when they start school, they all seem to get really antsy and act out a bit. I noticed it with my niece and nephew, who were always impeccably behaved until about 4yo and then had a bit of a "spirited" spell. Then they calmed down a lot when they started school. Same with dc1.

@NonsensicalWitch

The other thing I will say is that, IME, that year or so between when they turn four and when they start school, they all seem to get really antsy and act out a bit. I noticed it with my niece and nephew, who were always impeccably behaved until about 4yo and then had a bit of a "spirited" spell. Then they calmed down a lot when they started school. Same with dc1.

My point being that I think some of them really need school at that age. If not school, then something else where they get plenty of interaction with children the same age and lots of learning through play, no screens most of the day etc.

I feel similar - my May born starts in September also. Although I think he is mentally ready, we have just moved to the UK, so he has never been to an English pre-school and has never done phonics or writing or anything like that (most countries don’t start with that until at least 5 years of age). I constantly see pre-schoolers writing their name and more, mine can hardly yet draw a straight line as he‘s never had to so far. I am concerned he will be at a disadvantage from the start... So I know how you feel OP.

We've moved from deferring August kids to July, to this thread about a June child and now someone above wondering about possibly deferring a May child.

How much is the child's needs and what is the parent's own anxieties.

My DS was tiny when he started school - August baby and tiny too. It never held him back, I never doubted he was ready for school - he got all A stars and above in his GCSE’s, won so many awards. Don’t doubt him, he will be fine

DC1 is summer born and we've deferred start by a year. They will begin reception this September. It's absolutely the right choice for DC1 and we've got to know the staff fairly well ahead of term start.

DC2 is also summer born but we won't be deferring as we feel they will thrive.

It depends very much on the child, but generally I really hate that they are forced into school so young. Despite the deferral I'm worried about this September - offering a hand hold.

My June born dd has a moderate speech disorder so can be hard to understand; I'm worried too. When she moved up a room in nursery she went backwards developmentally as it was just a bit soon for her.

Overall though I think she'll love it. I'm just going to make it very clear to the teacher that he can't brush it off when he doesn't understand her; she absolutely hates that and it will knock her confidence. Also, I can't afford to pay for another year of nursery!

My birthday is 31st August, so you couldn't get any younger than me in the class; in fact if I'd been born 6 hours later I would have been in the school year below. I started school in 1982, and back then the Autumn Term started in the last week of August, so I actually started Reception when I was still only 3! Apparently I took to it like a duck to water; my Mum has told me that I never even looked back over my shoulder, and never cried at all. I was always a fiercely independent child though, and I do think it very much depends on individual personalities. I think I did struggle sometimes when I was in Secondary School, as others in my year were much more mature than me when it came to things like boys and sex, so I would have benefitted from being with the year below at that point. Also, I turned 18 and then left home for University just 3 weeks later, which was a bit of a shock to me (I know my Mum struggled with this much more than me starting Reception!).

Mine turned 4 in August and is starting school on 9th September, I'm not worried. She's social, engaged, loves to learn and is very excited about school.

I'm sure she'll do great OP and hopefully the leaks won't last too long, can she take a few spare pairs of pants in her bag in case of accidents?

I'm a reception teacher and I've not been able to have any transition time with my new starters. However, I've spoken to parents at length on the phone

We've only had a letter back in June, otherwise there's been zero contact with any of my children's schools 😢

My son is the youngest in his year and he has FLOURISHED at school. Even though he’s the youngest you wouldn’t know it, and he’s doing amazingly. Honestly, your daughter will be fine. You say yourself she’s ready.

My August born girl started last September. Loved school. Covid happened, she got grumpier and grumpier until she started back in Scotland last week. (We moved in April) So much happier.

I'd say that unless your child is going to be in an environment with lots of similar aged children (so others deferring and early autumn borns) I'd go for joining reception at 4.

Toilet leakage/accidents is par for the course in reception for what it's worth. They are pros at dealing as even the most reliable kids leave it late/get thrown by there being a queue!

It sounds like she is more ready than you are! Please don't let that anxiety rub off on her, make it into an adventure and bring out the positives. I know a number of kids who've started as they just turned 4 and they've all done fine, and most of them are boys who in general seem less ready than girls.

My little boy was 4 last week, has been at school nursery for the past year and is flying. He is a second which I think helps, he is so ready for school we are going to have issues with the very long settling our school have opted for - he will have to drop oldest so will not get why he can't go as well! It really is a individual thing, but I am confident that recpetion staff know what they are doing with the massive age difference - I also have a September born in the year above so can see both ends of the age spectrum!

My summer born started last year, and I was so worried. We also come from a country that starts later.

However - she thrived, just as much as her winter-born brother. Reception is very play-based - so it's a bit of a false comparison when people from other countries are shocked about children starting young, sometimes the different is just that in those places they are learning the basics of reading and writing in a nursery setting, whereas in the UK it happens as part of school.
We did notice more a difference in year 1, which is more formal, but by then they've had a year to get in the groove.

They do set expectations based on age, so early on they work with this, and by the end of KS1 (year 2) the variation is driven much more by individual childrens' interests, backgrounds and skills than by age.

I think that's terrible. In Scotland if you defer you get your extra year at nursery and then go into p1 the following August (rather than p2).
It doesn't make any sense to me to have the compulsory education age as 5 and then make them start at 4.

I thought one of the ideas behind children having to go in to Yr1 was because if they can go in to reception the age gaps between children in the same year group keep getting bigger. A child born at the start of June whose parents decide to defer them could end up in class with a child born at the end of August the following year if that child’s parents choose not to defer.

I’ve seen someone has said that you can request for your child to go in to reception though, so maybe it doesn’t matter that much!

We've moved from deferring August kids to July, to this thread about a June child and now someone above wondering about possibly deferring a May child.
How much is the child's needs and what is the parent's own anxieties.

My Summerborn daughter was born in May and starting her at Compulsory School Age has been brilliant for her. We wouldn't really care if anyone thought it was our anxieties - it was not a straightforward process for us due to a difficult local authority so we didn't do it for shits and giggles, or for the extra year of private preschool fees. Sure, our daughter would have coped - but starting at CSA means she thrived. In any case, no child would be disadvantaged by an extra year of pure play before starting formal education, so I don't see why anyone would be bothered by another family's decision when it's a perfectly valid and legal choice that doesn't affect anyone else.

@Becles

We've moved from deferring August kids to July, to this thread about a June child and now someone above wondering about possibly deferring a May child.

How much is the child's needs and what is the parent's own anxieties.

Children in the pre-school years develop at very different rates, and girls and boys especially tend to have differences of development. It's not uncommon for girls to be ready to learn to read well before many boys are and this has ongoing consequences through school, even after the development gap has closed.

This is why many countries, including the ones with the best outcomes, don't start kids in school until 6 or even 7.

It could be that parents have a better intuitive grasp of this than political types who push for school ages to be pushed as low as possible for mainly political reasons.

My daughter turned 4 just over a week ago so will be starting soon. She still seems so little but my birthday is also in August and, although I was the youngest and smallest in my year when starting, I absolutely loved reception. So I'm consoling myself with that. In any case, she's very excited to start.