If you could would you skip the next 18 months of life?

[severeine]

I have hated 2020. I hated lockdown. I hated the sanctimoniousness it brought out. I hated the lack of social contact, the tragic consequences for some and isolation. If on balance a period of time is a net drain on quality of life, and I realise this is hypothetical, if you could, would you just go straight to the end of it and restart living when conditions are better? Before any of the "but how do you know things will be better -second lockdown, economy ruined, new virus" merchants pounce,I realise any talk of a less awful future is hypothetical.

Absolutely not. Although things haven’t been great in 2020 so far in some respects, it’s allowing me to reconnect with friends in a way which otherwise wouldn’t have happened, and I’ve really been able to appreciate Spring in a way that I haven’t ever before. With regard to the next 18 months, DS turns 13 in a few months, we have (Frugal) Christmas coming up, meeting some long lost relatives and I’m also hoping to negotiate a payrise at work in the next 12 months - so for me, it’s a no.

Nope. Lockdown has been rubbish, I am pregnant on DD2 and have no idea what world I am bringing her into, my family live abroad so I dont even know if they will be able to get over to meet her, I didnt see them for 6 months (until up to 2 weeks ago), DHs contract isnt being renewed in the new year due to CV so he will have no job come January and we have a mortgage to pay with a toddler and a newborn, and I have both my sister and my mom working on the extreme frontline in the health system (my sister has already had CV).

However, life is always throwing curve balls. It's what you make of it. You can choose to focus on the good things, because there are always good things. I have my health, as do my family, my DH had been able to spend time with DD as he was furloughed, we have realised how good our marriage is getting through this all together and him supporting me through 10 weeks of morning sickness during lockdown, and we will have another beautiful baby by christmas. I would never wish my life away as there is always something good to experience. It's just whether you choose to focus on the negative.

I would. I have hated every minute of this, it has taken everything joyful and happy away from my life with no sign of when it will return. There's very little worth living for at the moment, to be honest.

No absolutely not.

I wouldn’t vote YABU though as you’re entitled to feel the way you do.

Not at all - I am almost 37 weeks pregnant.

No. I was surprised by the strength of my reaction even to your title. I'm not a Pollyanna. In fact we have had some very tough times and years but I can't imagine skipping 18 months. So much can happen in that time - new experiences, spending time with friends, reading a good book, cuddling up with loved ones. Life is both short and precious.
As a PP said, maybe you're younger OP so see 18 months as negligible in the grand timescale of your life. I don't.

I have mostly hated lockdown and 2020 too but I wouldn't want to skip 18 months ahead as my parents are in their late 70s and who knows what the next year or so will bring?
I haven't been able to see them this summer due to the Aberdeen lockdown happening 4 days before I was due to fly there so I m hoping for a late holiday in half term and looking forward to that.
On the plus side we have mostly sorted our garden out in the time off and being at home as a family has been great for my ds mental health and the cat who s loving the extra company.

Yes and no. I hate the restrictions and want to be back to normal life. If I could just wish it all away I would - like all of us, I suppose!

At the same time I have relatives who may not survive 18 months and I want to spend time with them.

No. I have a 2.5 year old and it already feels like I’ve missed a lot of her toddlerhood. 5 months is a really long time when you’re that age. Obviously she’s been here with me but far too much of that has been spent trying to work and occupy her at the same time. So many of the things I would have wanted to do with her haven’t been possible. So to skip time and suddenly she’d be 4...no. I’ve hated lockdown and working from home and I can’t wait for it to be over, but I can’t wish the time away either.

Nope. I think you get the time you're given - each age has had challenges and benefits, each generation had woes and joys. I would not wish my time away in hope of getting a better one.

For me 2020 has been an excellent turning point for our family. No longer do we have DH out of the house for 14 hours a day, missing out on the DC and helping me.

We're still exhausted and it's difficult slogging away with no nice holidays in sight, no true respite. But I've really loved the time we've been given with the DC.

I think the environment and nature has been grateful for a rest from the battering the world was giving it. So for me, I'd be gutted to miss out on the next 18 months.

I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting to skip it though if that's what was best for them.

Yes op. But only if I could bank the time to live later rather than have the same lifespan!

I had a conversation with one of my daughters the other day and we both agreed the thought of an induced coma for the next year or so had its merits! Especially if I could be minus the covid stone (plus one or two more) when they woke me up😁.

If you’d asked me 2 yrs ago I’d have willingly skipped the 18 most stressful months of my life. Lockdown has not compared. We all measure the stress differently. For my family ( DS yr 10 ,DH retired and me semi retired and no longer a business owner) it has been an adventure. For others it has been a nightmare. For most it has been a challenge but perhaps the first and only time to put everyday life on hold and reset.
The next few years will be a challenge but we will be no different from many generations that have gone before. I’m sure those who came through the two world wars and the Great Depression had slightly more to moan about.

My theory is those who didnt have particularly nice/ enjoyable/social lives before enjoyed lockdown as there was nothing to miss out on.

True, but what I resent is the way a lot of people assume that those people's lives are somehow sad and boring.

I hardly ever go out socially (which I don't see as a hardship!), and I don't see family often in normal life because we all live a long way from each other. However, I think I have a very nice life, and feel very lucky that things like the area where I live, the employment situation of me and dh, and the type of things we enjoy doing as a family have made lockdown very pleasant and not particularly restrictive for us. The thought of someone pitying me for my life because I'm not missing socialising is kind of hilarious tbh!

No, definitely not.

We have young children and 18 months is an eternity.
We have refocused internally on our little "bubble" and without the noise of all of the pointless spending/chatter etc. it's really been quite nice.
Things are stressful; DH is still part furloughed, work could be steadier, the baby could throw us a bone and sleep through one fucking night, but would I want to skip ahead? No thanks.

@lazylinguist

My theory is those who didnt have particularly nice/ enjoyable/social lives before enjoyed lockdown as there was nothing to miss out on.

True, but what I resent is the way a lot of people assume that those people's lives are somehow sad and boring.

I hardly ever go out socially (which I don't see as a hardship!), and I don't see family often in normal life because we all live a long way from each other. However, I think I have a very nice life, and feel very lucky that things like the area where I live, the employment situation of me and dh, and the type of things we enjoy doing as a family have made lockdown very pleasant and not particularly restrictive for us. The thought of someone pitying me for my life because I'm not missing socialising is kind of hilarious tbh!

You make some very fair points. Social butterfly wise my household is somewhere in the middle and we have missed out on socialising, but we have also really enjoyed doing new things at home.

I think it also depends on what the previous years have been like - for me and my family, 2020 is not great, but it's far from the worst.

2016 - my dad died, my mum fell into depression and alcohol addiction
2017 - my marriage imploded due to my H's alcohol issues. The year ended with me having him taken away by police after he threatened to kill me
2018 - further deterioration in my mum's life. Husband died.
2019 - mum died

So by comparison, 2020 has been relatively mediocre. It would be nice to have a good year though.

Hmm - if I could hit a fast forward button on the next six months (surfacing briefly for Christmas) I think I'd do it.

(this is assuming I just whizz through at hyper speed and come out the other side as if I'd experienced it in real time).

I'm about to undergo a tricky phase at work. I've undergone similar before, and it was unpleasant and detrimental to my physical and mental health. Even if I wanted to, I can't really bail in the pandemic context.

In six months, everything will have either gone totally to shit (which is fine, I'll accept that and give up) or will have got past the worst.

I understand the appeal of this OP, I could have done without the last 6 months quite easily, it's been shit. I haven't been able to do most of the things that make life enjoyable for me 18 months might be a bit too much to lose, though.

No, having some hard times gives you perspective and it's only because of this you appreciate and enjoy the good times.

The people I know who have had much worse times have coped better with the pandemic. Knowing you will get through something and seeing the positives are really important - we'll all have things to cope with at some point.

We are well and all doing fine. From a lifetime point of view I do not consider this hard times.

However it's just tedious.

I'm missing visiting extended family and doing everyday things that although seemingly trivial are what gives my life its little joys.

Tbh I am better with a crisis I can ACT upon. With elderly family I am pretty much expecting a crisis in the next wee while anyway. I'd like a bit more normality in the run up.

I have HATED this, I thrive on social contact and I rely on future planning as a key tool for maintaining my wellbeing. Both of those things have been compromised and everything I now do/plan is either compromised in some form or has no guarantee of even happening. I feel adrift, and every time I read 'the new normal' or that 'this could go on for years/forever/on and off/we just don't know" it fills me with panic.
Yes, me too. I hate it and just want it to stop....its having a massively negative effect on my already poor MH.

My theory is those who didnt have particularly nice/ enjoyable/social lives before enjoyed lockdown as there was nothing to miss out on

or maybe they did, but chose to make the best of a bad situation.
Either you decide to drown in self-pity and misery and cry about all the things you are missing or you actively decide to use the time and make it an opportunity you'd never had otherwise.

As hard as it is to juggle a full-time job, full time kids education, a house and ... life, it's still an opportunity.

Friends are still there, even if you didn't actively meet them. The lockdown was a good time to reassess priorities and make plans.

Let's face it, nothing is saying there won't be another one. You might as well make the most of freedom now, and stay positive. I mean, you can book a ticket for a cheap holiday to Portugal right now, even if the flights have gone up! I have already booked mine, life is too short to be miserable.

Thinking about it I've had both negative things that have made me grow as a person and appreciate things more but I've also had negative things that have just left me with baggage. I'm not exactly sure what makes an experience one or the other.

@heartsonacake

I passionately detest the "orderly rules and systems". In fact, I detest everything about 2020 and lockdown and "new normals" and face masks and busybodies policing everyone else and all this hateful stuff.

etopp Of course it’s serious. I like rules and I like order; this suits me just fine.

It’s not hateful at all, and you harbouring all this anger and hate about the situation does nothing but eat you up inside. It’s not healthy for you.

Of course I'm angry. I have no job, no income and no prospect of either, as a direct result of lockdown. I don't qualify for handouts or benefits, so am expected to live on thin air. Two of my DC have had their lives put on hold, instead of sitting their GCSEs and A levels (I have chivvied them and cheered them and told them to look on the bright side, because it's not good for them to dwell on the awfulness of social isolation from their peers, grades calculated by algorithms etc, etc). One of my parents is having chemotherapy, so I haven't seen my family since February. I spent the morning having a telephone appt with CAMHS for one of my children, who is in a very bad way as another direct result of lockdown. Being angry and full of hatred for something that I think is deeply wrong and has been terribly badly handled is slightly more healthy for me than my usual "coping" mechanisms, which include anorexia, but thank you for being concerned about my health.