When MN turns into a Four Yorkshiremen sketch

[SteveArnottsbeadyeyes]

Maybe just me but seeing it more often. Op can say “I’ve been left with £10 to last me a month, I have four children to feed, and now the boiler has stopped working”

First reply... well you should feel lucky with your £10 I only habe £5 and I cannot conceive so feel lucky you have children.

*Galaxxy
*

@TeaAndStrumpets

Mike Harding claimed he was too poor to be born, so his mother had him knitted by the WVS.

Thanks you for that one!

I’m loving this thread... thanks MNetters. 😂

Sorry...’thank’

I shouldn't....I'm going to....ok, I know it's a worrying time for a lot of people..but some of the teachers lately..
"Oh, back at work in a sweaty curry house serving 50 customers a night are you,? Well try being TRAPPED in a windowless classroom no bigger than a phone box pressed up against 32 snot encrusted germ incubators while every one hates you and the government is planning to have you killed!"

I have to admit I also love a competitively underwhelming wedding thread. Obviously you don't NEED all the frills & folderols, it's up to the individual how they spend their day and sometimes you get excellent ideas to cut some costs, but the competitive ultra-frugal wedding brigade crack me up.

You can play bingo with the posts in terms of outfits practically scavenged, tesco daffodil bouquet, plate of curled up sarnies and £5 behind the bar wedding breakfast, reception in the local public toilet and everyone - all 50 of them putting £1 in the jukebox for music. Someone might have crafted bunting out of bog roll and used knickers. Their wedding is ALWAYS the best anyone has ever been to and still gets talked about by people who attended Will & Kate's wedding as honoured guests and have also got married themselves in a totally different, lovely sounding way because the bride will knock their teeth out otherwise.

It's not the small budgets it's the bragging about being so, so cheap and almost actively seeking out the worst possible options. You could elope somewhere or get married in the local registry, dressed in your best with 2/3 witnesses and asking someone to take a pic. Up to you if you have the budget for new clothes, a nice bouquet if you chose and have a meal afters but it probably costs about as much as arranging the cut price party for more people at a passive aggressively cheapo wedding. You can actually announce it if/whenever you choose and just have a party sometime later with a new budget if you want.

I'm loving this thread , thanks for cheering me up everyone

Weddings must cost under £100
Holidays - must not involve sun or loungers and ideally cost under £100
Children’s clothing - can be scavenged from charity shops
Vacuum cleaners - must be a Shark at about £250

But don’t forget that anyone can afford to send their DC to private school if they just scrimp a bit, trade their car in for a battered Volvo and only camp in Cornwall in April.

Holidays also must not be in Spain. Unless it's Galicia and it's raining. And they stay in a shed.
I know someone like this. She is really minted-big job, big house, but my God, they can't affooooord to go on any other sort of holiday than staying in a shack off the hard shoulder on the way to Dorset, and they had to save for that, AND it's the only holiday they will get until 2024.

@IfNotNow123 I so don’t get the holiday martyrdom. What’s fun about squeezing into a miserable self catered hovel to basically do what you’d do at home but in a different location ?

I am from Yorkshire and and horribly offended by this post
Well I would be if I could afford to be offended - Tha Knows!

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Wedding ones are my favourite.

OP: "How can I have a dream wedding for just £3k?"

Replies: "£3k!!! I could only have dreamed for having that much for mine! We spent £3.78 on our wedding. I picked my own flowers from a local field, bought a 50p white nightie from Age UK as a wedding dress, packed a Tesco value picnic for guests and the venue was a hole we dug in the ground. All our guests still say to this day it was the best wedding they've ever been to."

😂😂😂

And teens just love camping in the rain living in a field with no WiFi and building sandcastles On a wet beach.. Sadly not my own teens nor any of their friends.

GlummyMcGlummerson

Hole in t'ground? Tha had a spade, then?

It’s the opposite of the Harry Enfield ‘I can’t help noticing I’m considerably richer than youuuuuu’.

God yeah, the savings!! I feel
I should have at least 6 figures in the bank after reading Mumsnet!!

Not seen one for a while but my favourites are when someone comes on the S&B thread asking what bag they can buy with £1000 or other threads asking if they should get the Chanel or the LV bag. They get their arse handed to them.

I once got my arse handed to me on a packed lunch thread. I was living in Asia at the time and talked about Bento boxes and sushi and they ripped me a new arsehole.

at Schrodinger's MNer - totally get this.
I love reading a Four Yorkshireman style thread right next to one of the Property threads where every post says " I would NEVER by a home without a south-facing garden/separate utility room/off street parking/master ensuite/grammar school next door/ 4 acre paddock/heli pad" when everyone I know even with a decent budget has made some small compromise.

The other threads I hate are the sanctimonious lockdown and DC threads. If you are not giving your children a delightful, middle class lockdown with walks in the country with Timmy the dog, cheese sandwiches and home made lemonade, whilst making paper boats to float down the stream, then you should have your children taken away by social services.

@TheTurnOfTheScrew oh god property threads! Is Londoners purely get “you could buy a country estate with fifteen tennis courses, a swimming pool and 11 million bathrooms for that where I live”.

Yes that’s great but my family, job and life are here so it’s sort of irrelevant.

@AnnoyedStepGrownUp cheese? No no no! Think of the fat content! Hummus and carrot sandwiches only.

But don’t forget that anyone can afford to send their DC to private school if they just scrimp a bit, trade their car in for a battered Volvo and only camp in Cornwall in April.

Yes! And can afford to be a SAHM on the same basis. I love the assumption that everyone has a huge new car and multiple foreign holidays so they could just stop doing that. “Oh well I loved my children more than I love shopping at Waitrose and three skiing holidays a year, I know not everyone has the same priorities”

@JammyHands

Summun trod on ower cockroach.

@Happyhusband

You lucky lucky bastard. I've been ere 12 years and they only hung me up the right way yesterday

😂🤣😂🤣

Oh my gosh yes - the lunch box threads.
OP: My dd has a cheese sandwich, a penguin and a tangerine. Is this an ok lunch?
Poster 1: Are you trying to kill her? All that fat, sugar, wheat and animal products. My DD has some hummus, a wrap and some cucumber.
Poster 2: A wrap? Do you know how many carbs are in a wrap? My dd has some gravel, a grated radish and a turnip. She often comes back with half the turnip, it’s so filling.
Poster 3: A turnip? Turnips are more or less sugar. I can’t believe you’re feeding her that. My dd has a bottle of water and a small pot of lentils.
Poster 4: My dd has a dairylea snack box and a wagon wheel you snobs. Not everyone can afford turnips and lentils.

This is very funny. There's also a serious point that it's impossible to ask for advice if you're not undergoing severe hardship, especially financially.