when would you expect your dc to move out?

[namechanged8873]

just the title really. not a troll, long time lurker, made account recently and name changed for this

Mine are far too young for this to even be a consideration (7,5 and 2) but the youngest is disabled and due to nature of her condition is very unlikely to ever live independently.

@Floralnomad you’d think wrong then. Should I have put in a disclaimer that I was talking about NT kids only?

I don’t think it’s horrible to expect adults to contribute to the upkeep of a home if they’re able and to ask them to leave if the refuse

When they want to and are ready. In my family you are welcome for as long as you like. I moved out relatively early right after school. Went overseas with now DH at 19. Came back after 2 years, moved back in with my DH in tow for a few months until we found a perfect place, moved back overseas for a few years, back home with my parents while house hunting etc.
My siblings moved out at 28 and 25, because of studies and lack of money.
They were never pressured to move out and didnt pay board or anything, but they did help out running the whole household.

Ds1 is 22 is in his last year of a good apprenticeship and aiming to buy a house with his girlfriend next year - I'm putting money into a lifetime ISA to help with the deposit!! I adore him but he's worse than a fussy toddler re eating 😬
Ds2 is 18 and going into "yr14" due to a change of course last year. Same upbringing as his brother but eats anything I cook! He hasn't decided whether he'll go away to uni as we have a very good one in the next city which offers several courses in his field. I'll have some financial responsibility for him at least until he's 22 assuming he goes to uni.
Neither will be pushed out until they're ready to go - I have the space for them and enjoy their company.

If we’re talking about our ideal idea of when they’d move out (mine are 2 and 3 so very hypothetical) I’d like them to move out in their early twenties to experience paying bills, rent, council tax. Experience living independently and doing their own washing, cooking, grocery shopping. And then come home to save for a house deposit. I wouldn’t want them to go straight into a mortgage with their partner before experiencing renting together.
My dream timeline for them would be
University (live with us or in student accommodation), go travelling and experience life as an independent adult, come home and save to buy a property.
It doubt it’ll go like that but I’ll be happy if they’re happy.

If I had my way ...never!

I'd love them all to still live at home

@LilaButterfly. I think some of us are scared by the real-life examples we’ve witnessed and the stories on MN!🤣. My Dad (82) tells me about some of his friends, ( around 80) who are still dealing with children in their 40’s and 50’s living at home and not contributing- or they’ve moved out and have their own families, but still expect financial support and lots of childcare. A couple of my childhood friends are like this and it’s truly bizarre that they do t seem to realize they their parents are elderly and probably need support themselves.

My parents were always clear that I was expected to pay rent if I lived wi them in my 20’s and that they really expected me to move out. They turned my bedroom into a study while I was at uni.🤣

I moved out just shy of my 22nd birthday - but that was only because I was offered a job an hour and a half away.

My older sister moved out at maybe 27, and only because my parents moved away, and she wasn't invited to move with them!

Mine moved out to go to uni 10 years ago. She has said that unless things go horribly wrong she won't move back. I can't say I blame her as she grew up in a village with not a lot to do so coming back would bore her to tears.

I moved out of my mums when I was 34 (I am 36 now).

I had paid board to my mum since I got my first job at 16 and as my wages went up, the amount I contributed went up in comparison.

I did everything independently (apart from cooking until my mum took poorly) and paid for everything of my own separately.

My mum would have been happy for me and my siblings to live with her forever.

I did a lot with regards to running the house and looking after my youngest sibling (now 15) because my mum and stepdad owned a business and worked 6 days a week (usually 12 hour days).

After graduation, in gainful employment

I'm happy for mine to live at home as long as they like. Well, until late 20s anyway. Not sure DH would agree with that though!

Mine have been told they can stay as long as their like. This is their home.

Mine are both still at home at 28 and 26. They did move out for university but then moved back in again! Eldest is saving to buy somewhere of his own and aiming for moving out at the beginning of next year, not sure about the younger one.

Both contribute to bills etc, both do their own washing, cooking and basic cleaning. They can stay as long as they like, it is their home too.

I would expect them to want to make moving out a priority when they are independent adults. If they're at university, then I'd expect them home for holidays. After that, I'd want them to be getting work and looking for a flatshare and/or saving for a deposit. I wouldn't put a specific time limit on it unless I thought they were taking the mickey, but I would not be happy if they thought they were better off living with their parents forever. I certainly wouldn't be doing all their housework/cooking/grocery shopping to facilitate that. They'd be treated like an adult and expected to behave as such.

I moved out at 24, yet my friend still lives at home with her parents at 35.

After uni at earliest, 26/27 latest if saving and studying/working.

I don’t think inter generational living is a bad thing either, but hard to really recover from the parent-child dynamic enough to live mutually contributing unless they have lived alone for at least a while.

@Dancingdeer77 That’s the key, isn’t it, changing the dynamic from parent-child to adults sharing a home. I agree that living away from home for at least a while helps to facilitate this- plus parents need to set some boundaries.

Never

I have always said mine can live at home as long as they need to

I actively want them to live at home for a while into adulthood so they can save and maybe take advantage of internships many don't have a chance to go for due to the low pay.

Ideally they would be in a position to move out about 23-25

@Floralnomad

I assume *@MrsOldma* hasn’t ever had a child with any health problems or issues . What a horrible attitude anyway that if you aren’t studying or earning enough to pay your way that you are out of the family home . Makes you wonder why some people bother to have children at all .

I know. They don’t stop being your children at 18 and young adults need help and guidance as they find their way in life. Not a bill or eviction notice.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss nobody got evicted. But part of parenting is preparing your kids for the real world, paying bills, contributing etc.

I don’t think it’s useful to enable adults to live in a house that they don’t contribute to just because they’re your dc

It depends what they're doing really. 15yo wants to go to uni abroad so apart from coming home during the holidays, she'll be gone at 18. I doubt she'll want to come back afterwards so unless she has to for financial reasons that'll be it. 12yo says she's going to live with us forever and take our house when we retire and move to the coast . If she doesn't move out on her own terms, I'll make her start paying rent as soon as she's working full time then kick her out at around 25, depending on what the economy's looking like etc.

Dd1 went to uni at 18, so moved out for term time, but here is still "home". She's actually there more than she is here, but doesn't consider it "home" yet. She's got another 3 years before she graduates, and will definitely have her bedroom here for that long at least. So she'll be 23 at the earliest when she properly "leaves home", and depending on the job market it might be a couple/few years after that although hopefully not.

I moved out at 21, but that was because I already had a toddler and wanted my own space for her to play without my parents taking over completely.

I moved out at 18 and Iv never been back home since. I’m now 30.
My brother moved out at 16 to a army base and used to come back at weekends etc now and again but never lived at home again after.

We were both young. My daughters told me she’s never moving out 😂