Page 3 | How would you react - birthday party

SomeOtherGirl · 2020-08-19T11:21:26+00:00

Me and a friend both have children who are two. We supported each other through some mental health issues so I've keep in good contact during lockdown. When things eased we met for a socially distanced walk in the park as per rules.I gave her dd some brand new clothing when she needed a change of clothes My DS had his birthday during lockdown so we didn't have a party at all. I've just seen on fb that her DD has had a lovely party to which all her little friends were invited... except us. It's a non issue really in the grand scheme but I'm feeling a little hurt. How do I get past this? She knows I have anxiety and depression and our DCs get on beautifully. I don't know if it's worth forgetting the friendship over. It probably isn't is it - I'm being childish aren't I?

Sunnydaysandsalad · 19/08/2020 15:34

Imo she has rewritten history and omitted her affair. You knew about it so you have been omitted also.
She will stick with the friends who think of her as perfect....

SafferUpNorth · 19/08/2020 15:57

Trust me, as the mum of an 11-year-old, I can tell you it's not worth reading too much into party invites. If you start fretting about friendships every time your child is left off a party invite list (or you have to miss someone off your DC's list), you're just making unneccessary worry for yourself. Limited numbers, practicalities, child's own preference etc all factor in. Don't overthink this.

Original poster

SomeOtherGirl · 19/08/2020 20:56

Update: I raised about the clothes, as gently as I could, and she changed the subject telling me she didn't invite me to the party because she invited the people she felt closest to.

Case closed. Thanks for your support everyone xxx

I said, thanks for letting me know how you feel (which in PA speak is surely, ok let's agree the friendship is over) and she said "you're welcome!" 😂

I need to shake off my MH issues and keep cheerful cos this really shook me today.

OP posts:

MrsOldma · 19/08/2020 21:00

Ugh that’s shit but at least you know and it sounds like you still have your dignity in tact.

Original poster

SomeOtherGirl · 19/08/2020 21:22

Thanks mrsoldma :-)

OP posts:

WendyHoused · 20/08/2020 05:27

Saffer is bang on. Don’t overthink who is invited to parties and who isn’t; you’ll make yourself miserable.

Yeahnahmum · 20/08/2020 05:39

Just ask her op
I would feel really sad about it...

Yeahnahmum · 20/08/2020 05:43

O wow
Just read your update

Well that is cleared up then.

What a bitch reaction from her.anyway... who needs her when you can have new friends. Real friends.

Sorry about the fact she was your mh buddy. But feel free to make new online mh buddies here :)

Dont forget that this wasnt you. This was her. Being a ..

OliviaBenson · 20/08/2020 05:53

Wow, what a cowbag! Sorry op. At least you know now.

Babyboomtastic · 20/08/2020 05:58

Ordinarily is be a bit put out about the lack of invite, but Covid times are not ordinary times.

I'm amazed she was able to have a party at a soft play, and even then it must have had very tight restrictions about numbers. If she had two friends that were very close to the child (with their own child) then there would be a minimum of six people from 3 household meeting up - that already exceeds guidelines. Covid is pretty brutal - people deciding which grandparent they can bubble with and hug, convoluted social situations etc. A lot of people seem to have forgotten about social distancing etc, but following the guidelines most people still aren't allowed to hug their own grandchildren yet, let alone throw a big party. Weddings and funerals limited to 30 people etc.

So I really wouldn't worry about lack of invite anywhere at the moment. Saying that, the clotges situation here is the biggie IMO and that tells your everything your need to know, party or no party.

mellowww · 20/08/2020 06:03

@SomeOtherGirl

Update: I raised about the clothes, as gently as I could, and she changed the subject telling me she didn't invite me to the party because she invited the people she felt closest to.

Case closed. Thanks for your support everyone xxx

I said, thanks for letting me know how you feel (which in PA speak is surely, ok let's agree the friendship is over) and she said "you're welcome!" 😂

I need to shake off my MH issues and keep cheerful cos this really shook me today.

Hmm. Sounds like she's the one with issues.

This was very very mean of her, OP. She knows the problems you've had. And she's almost using your vulnerability now to make this more painful for you.

Did you do something to upset her?

Of course she's no friend and you are best we'll away from her. I can understand though that you need closure. I suspect it may be like others have said - you know too much. She wants to return to being perfect. She's cutting you out.

Probably best to just forget her now. But one school of thought would say ask her directly why she's changed and behaved like this, as you're shocked and hurt. At least you might get some kind of closure.

But as I say, may be best just to conclude she's a cow. ?

Butterflyonmyshoulder · 20/08/2020 07:46

OP- just read the whole thread. I hope you are feeling okay this morning.

stayathomer · 20/08/2020 07:52

Trust me, as the mum of an 11-year-old, I can tell you it's not worth reading too much into party invites. If you start fretting about friendships every time your child is left off a party invite list (or you have to miss someone off your DC's list), you're just making unneccessary worry for yourself. Limited numbers, practicalities, child's own preference etc all factor in. Don't overthink this.
Totally this!!!

Don’t overthink who is invited to parties and who isn’t; you’ll make yourself miserable.
And this!

Mittens030869 · 20/08/2020 09:36

Sorry about the fact she was your mh buddy. But feel free to make new online mh buddies here :)

^This. I've found MN an amazing source of support for my PTSD, and I've shared things that I wouldn't even dream of sharing with my close friends IRL.

cautionhot · 20/08/2020 09:52

Christ she's a fucking bitch. Write her off and don't ever think about her again, she doesn't deserve the headspace.

KarmaStar · 20/08/2020 14:06

Hi op,it doesn't appear she values your friendship any further?
That's really sad,at least your dc at two is too young to be hurt by this but it's understandable why you are.
Move on and let her go.

arapunzel · 20/08/2020 16:02

Hi Op, I can kid of relate to what your going through, mine was my shit (bar 2) NCT group and baby birthday parties and being snubbed.

Personally I would go no contact now. In the kindest way it doesn’t appear that this...person...values you or your friendship. You don’t need this in your life. If you let this slide then what next?

I’ve found the apps Mush and Peanut great to meet other local mums, I know Mumsnet does something too but I didn’t find it too active for my area. Good luck Op.

AdobeWanKenobi · 20/08/2020 16:27

I'd add on to that last message:

My bank details are xyzzy can you please transfer X amount for the clothing you lost.

Then block. You have nothing at all to lose now by asking her.

Tooshytoshine · 20/08/2020 17:14

She is a total bitch. I know somebody like her - she gets off on making people feel like crap.

Don't give her a second thought (I know you will but try not to). You seem genuine, open and warm, and I'm sorry she took advantage of these wonderful character traits. Don't feel rejected or that it is your fault - she was always a bitch and your behaviour could not influence this.

The only thing you need to remember is that it would be worse to be her 'friend'.

Longwhiskers14 · 20/08/2020 17:33

@SafferUpNorth

Trust me, as the mum of an 11-year-old, I can tell you it's not worth reading too much into party invites. If you start fretting about friendships every time your child is left off a party invite list (or you have to miss someone off your DC's list), you're just making unneccessary worry for yourself. Limited numbers, practicalities, child's own preference etc all factor in. Don't overthink this.

This, times a bazillion! That said, her response was pretty stark: she doesn't feel close to you. Take a massive step back, OP, and concentrate on those friends who do value you. Block if it makes you feel better.

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 20/08/2020 17:46

WTF! What a bitch! You’re better off without her

Annon522 · 20/08/2020 17:51

Could it just be cousins etc? We’ve done this in past just invited cousins as kids too young to actually know concept of friends. I’ve had some passive aggressive comments from people but just responded with “we just had cousins and family only”. Ask her otherwise will bug u.

AiryFairyArtyFarty · 20/08/2020 18:05

At first I thought that you fitted into her 'confidence' box and she doesn't want her two worlds to collide
Now I just think she's a cow
You sound too nice to be her friend
Walk away

Staffy1 · 20/08/2020 18:23

It may be childish, but I understand. Felt the same way with a similar situation. It made me change my attitude a bit to the friendship.

Isadora2007 · 20/08/2020 18:30

Actually I’d message a last one to say you’re sorry she didn’t feel as close to you as you assumed you guys were close. As the friendship clearly isn’t valued by her you’d like £x amount to make up for the clothes she gave away that belonged to you. You’d given them as a loan to a friend and as she clearly isn’t one- and gave them away without asking you- you’d like the money. Wish her well and move on to people worth your time and efforts as she isn’t.