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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you are overweight, what, in your opinion, made you that way?

592 replies

SistemaAddict · 19/08/2020 09:31

There's been lots of threads recently about weight inspired by the government trying to crack down on obesity yet encouraging us to eat out and posters bemoaning the lockdown lard/pandemic pounds. There has been lots of discussion about the causes of obesity or being overweight due to societal and financial factors but I wanted to ask what posters think made them either overweight or obese because reasons will vary. Certain medications and conditions can cause weight gain and/or make it harder to lose weight and the peri-menopause/menopause doesn't help.

I stopped breastfeeding a year ago and my appetite didn't return to normal after stopping so I gained weight. Then my asthma was bad from October onwards and my ability to go on bike rides was limited. Then lockdown and shielding and my 5 mile school hike up and down big hills went out of the window and I ate too many biscuits and chocolate and would eat in the evening while reading or watching tv. I gained around a stone and that took me into the overweight category.

In June I decided enough was enough and started 16:8 and limited myself to around 1250 calories a day. I bought a fitbit and started using my fitness pal. Both encouraged me to go on walks with the dc and to take more trips up and down the stairs than were necessary to meet my target of 25 flights a day. I stopped eating after dinner, watched my portion sizes and cut out most of the junk I was eating. I'm now a normal weight with a BMI of 24. I'm carrying on with my healthier lifestyle and improved habits but it's hard especially in the evenings when I want chocolate. My aim is to get to a BMI of 23 as that is where I look and feel best.

I don't want this to be a judgemental thread, or for anyone to fat shame posters, I just wanted to share my own reasons for weight gain and ask others' experiences because it's a very individual thing beyond "too many calories in vs calories out" and it can be very complex.

OP posts:
usernotfound0000 · 19/08/2020 10:54

Basically I like food and aren't a massive fan of exercise. I do think some of it may be from childhood, we never had limits on what we could eat and were never encouraged to eat fruit instead or crisps or biscuits. Therefore eating an entire pack of bourbons was fairly standard. I try to be a bit more restrained in my eating now!

DontBeShelfish · 19/08/2020 10:57

I broke my leg, and carried on eating at the same rate I was eating when I was on the move all day. Then I had my DD. I'd started walking and doing C25K just before lockdown but lost all my motivation. Need to lose five stone and am aghast I'm in this position.

sugagi · 19/08/2020 10:59

partly because i was a very difficult child, by the time i was 5 they were run ragged and let me do almost anything i wanted (within reason), so when i started becoming addicted to food, i would scream and kick and punch until i got what i was asking for. in the end this wore them down the point they just, gave in. i was eating multiple chocolate bars a day, crisps, biscuits, you name it. if i wanted something, i would tantrum until they gave in. i don't blame my parents, i blame myself. i was a truly difficult child and if my children become like this, i'm not sure i would cope either. i'm not so addicted now, instead i developed anorexia about 4 years ago (unrelated causes, which i've mentioned on another one of my threads), and now i have to meticulously count calories and write down what i eat. partly because if i don't, i overeat, and partly because i can't focus on anything when i haven't got my 'plan' written down Sad i believe i'll deal with food issues for the rest of my life.

Deliaskis · 19/08/2020 11:00

Gosh lots and lots of reasons....

As a child:
Never really learnt to listen to my body's signals about feeling full, was encouraged, as I think many were at the time, to not leave/waste food.
Body type from the beginning was very different from my sister, she was always slim and I was rounder.

As a teen:
Used to play lots of sports then had an op on my foot and was out of netball and hockey for 6 months, started playing in the orchestra instead and never really honestly got back into sport so didn't adopt regular health exercise habits coming into adulthood.

Early adulthood:
Social and fun activities didn't have sport/exercise elements, but always had food/drink elements.
The sports that I do like are not regular CV exercise type things.

Now:
Stress mostly....but also that....I come last, looking after me is a low priority for some reason. Like many, I am juggling many things, work, parenting, finances, home, etc. I don't think I can succeed in all domains all at the same time, and my own health is the one that always gets dropped.

Plus....I just really like nice food, I don't eat rubbish, hardly any sweet stuff, I eat really good food, but too much of it, and I really like social eating, having dinner with friends, etc.

There was a time after having DD that I exercised and lost a lot of weight....about 5 stone....and was running 10k regularly (about 4-7 years ago). That happened because I hit a bit of a low mental health wise and some kind of self-preservation thing seemed to kick in where I started to believe that I needed to be kind to myself, and looking after my body was part of that. I did well for about 3 years, then the routine got broken with a lot of work travel, and I undid it all.

If any of the above looks like I blame others, I don't, I blame myself.

hevs03 · 19/08/2020 11:00

Lack of exercise, I am working from home and can sit at the table working solidly for up to 10 hours as I am so busy. I hate being overweight and am determined to change things as my DD is following in my (non-active) footsteps and it breaks my heart, so I'm one stone down with many more to go but I'll do it, I don't need a sodding Government to tell me I am quite capable of knowing the difference between healthy and non-healthy, but it is hard, got to do it though, I respect anyone who changes things for themselves.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 19/08/2020 11:00

@DontBeShelfish I need to lose 5st too. Don't think of the total amount, break it down, you need to lose 5% of body weight, then 10%, then 1st...... it makes it less overwhelming.

PrimeraVez · 19/08/2020 11:01

Have been fat several times in my adult life, for a variety of reasons:

  • Unhealthy lifestyle - too much booze, 3am kebabs, hangover McDs and no exercise
  • Hashimotos disease so underactive thryoid that went wildly out of control after DC1 was born
  • Stuck in a rut of crappy eating, with a 'fuck it, the diet starts tomorrow' approach
  • Post partum, when breastfeeding sent my appetite out of control and I didn't spend any time or energy looking after myself, eating well and treating my body with respect, so lived off lattes and biscuits
MonicaGB · 19/08/2020 11:01

PCOS
Medication
ME/CFS
Genetics

HUCKMUCK · 19/08/2020 11:01

I have some food issues from childhood so overeating started as me feeling like I needed to be in control of what I was eating.

However, it is only down to me that this spiralled and I have been overweight my whole life getting bigger and bigger.

Only now at 50 am I taking control the other way and have finally clicked that I don't need a diet, I need a change of mindset.

I have lost 2 stone since May and am doing regular exercise.

Brefugee · 19/08/2020 11:03

for me?

  1. too much food
  2. too little exercise
  3. menopause (middle age spread)
SRS29 · 19/08/2020 11:03

@Flatpackback

Alcohol & sitting around too much
This...WFH all day then too tired to exercise but enough energy to open the wine ......
bigTillyMint · 19/08/2020 11:03

I was overweight from about 8-10 to about 22/23.

Home life wasn’t good so it was comfort eating and my mum used food as treats.

Then I was a big drinker at uni, with the added kebabs, etc. I couldn’t drink every night when I started working so that helped!

Have been witching normal weight guidelines since then and I’m 55 now Grin

Fromage · 19/08/2020 11:03

Overeating related to poor mental health.

NHS can't afford to help me, as the therapy that would help is too expensive. So instead I overeat and will go on to cost the NHS way more in the long term. But no one of influence gives a shit, so I will eat my way into an early grave because I need help to get a hold of my behaviour, and it turns out, I'm not worth the expense. Learning this, from my GP, as you can imagine, has done wonders for my self esteem and motivation to have a healthier lifestyle.

LemonPeonies · 19/08/2020 11:04

Put on 3 stone during pregnancy, lost a lot after birth but then breastfeeding made me STARVING. All the time! So now I'm 2 stone overweight, plus lockdown, lack of exercise, usually work as a nurse on my feet all day. Hopefully when I go back next month I will lose a bit, until then I'm dramatically reducing calories. I'm also stopping emotional eating as that's a biggie for me.

PasstheBucket89 · 19/08/2020 11:04

Erm, i think right from the very beginning, i am a very fussy eater and having severely a disabled sibling my parents were stressed had more important things to worry, lack of help (the 90s) so something had to give, i think and that was diet. i was a young carer too,, its well known they have disproportionate levels of obesity. Some trauma in my adolescents really made it worse , i also in hindsight think having a mum who made snide comments about my weight, shattered my self esteem, has spent her life on diet talking about her weight negatively but has remained fat. I imagine a lot of women have similar experiences. But as an adult, i am not making great choices, ive not had an easy life and quitting smoking has made me turn to something else. i also have thyroid issues hereditary from my dads side, a part of me seriously considers smoking again.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 19/08/2020 11:04

I lived in London and worked in the city most of my adult life until a couple of years ago when I moved to the country and stopped working. I think the lack of N.E.A.T strongly contributed to my weight gain.

feelingverylazytoday · 19/08/2020 11:04

I'm at the top end of healthy weight now, but was obese a few years ago. No hidden causes or 'issues' in my case.
It was too much snacking that did it for me, I used to eat something more or less once an hour, I also drank too much alcohol. I've cut down on both now, and reduced my portion sizes as well. I used to carry on eating until I felt bloated and even sick, now I make sure I cook and dish up the right amount for myself. I'm surprised by how little food I actually need, and I'm quite active.

30under · 19/08/2020 11:04

Sugar.
Eating too much
Not exercising enough.

Hopeful201 · 19/08/2020 11:05

I excercise (run, swim, bike) every day for at least an hour and walk at lunchtime to get away from the desk. I have gained weight due to the menopause, I am just having to watch what I eat even more. So annoying :-)

Badbadbunny · 19/08/2020 11:06

In my case it was my parents at a very young age. When you're a toddler, you basically eat what your parents give you. You're reliant on them as you can't make your own decisions, can't do your own shopping, etc. An overweight 5 year old is the fault of the parent. Yes, I'm sure young children "want" a chocolate bar, bag of crisps, biscuit, etc., but the parent has to facilitate that and can, if they want, provide alternatives.

I was clearly overweight in my toddler photos. By the age of 7, my school reported me to social services and my me and my mother were called in to see the "school doctor" at the local SS offices. I was put on a strict diet and had to return every week for a weigh in. At home, my mother massively over-reacted and every meal became a salad. Parents and brother continued to eat fattening crap, like going out for fish & chips at supper time every night, sugary cereals for breakfast, etc etc., whilst I sat watching nursing my lettuce leaves.

Unsurprisingly, I rebelled and started taking crisps, biscuits, etc from the cupboard whilst they weren't around. Ended up eating more than I would have done normally, just to spite them, so my weight kept going up rather than down! (Remember I was only a 7 year old). Inevitably, I was found out, and the snacks etc were locked away. So I started stealing my Mum's milk money to buy crisps at the school tuck shop. This was quickly reported back to the school doctor, so I was barred from the tuck shop. At home, parents and sibling still happily eating all the crap they could find whilst I had salads! So, I started giving money to friends to buy crisps for me from the school tuck shop and would eat them in the toilets at breaks and lunchtime. Not just the odd packet, it became an obsession and I was almost getting to the stage of seeing how many packets I could stuff in at a break time! Weight still increasing, but parents/doctor couldn't work out why, and (I can't remember exactly when or why) but the weekly weigh ins just stopped when I was probably 8 or 9.

Unfortunately, the behaviour/habit had been established and I was well and truly a closet binge eater by the time I was 10. Then parents bought a convenience corner shop that we lived above. Literally surrounded by sweets, chocolates, crisps, biscuits, ice cream, etc etc. I never stood a chance. I'd just constantly steal stuff from the shop or the store cupboards (which were in the back room, hallway, landing etc so easily accessible). I ballooned to 20 stones by the time I was 16! Parents seemed to have given up completely by then so I was also eating normal "crap" with my family at mealtimes.

The binge eating behind closed doors continued throughout my adult life, even in marriage. At home, I'd eat normally, healthily, etc., my OH is slim and healthy. On the drive to work, however, I'd stop off at a garage to buy a pie or two, couple of bags of crisps, couple of chocolate bars, etc to eat on the way, same on the way home! It was always a joke at home that I'd lose weight on holiday despite eating more (and the wrong foods) than when I'd be at home (of course it was because I wasn't stuffing myself on the drive to/from work!).

When I tipped the scales at 25 stone, I knew I had to do something drastic to change my behaviour. So I gave up my job and got a job much closer to home, shorter commute, so I couldn't binge eat on the way there and back. After a couple of years, I'd lost 5 stone, OH couldn't work it out because I was eating the same at home as I'd always eaten. (I'd still binge eat given the opportunity, say if I had to drive to see a customer or for a course etc., I'd be back in my old ways of stuffing myself in the car).

Now I'm down to 15 stone. I'll still binge eat occasionally - i.e. if I buy a multipack of crisps or Mars bars, etc I'll eat them all in one go despite promising myself "only one". To counter that, I try not to go shopping on my own.

Behaviour/Habit is a massive part for me. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop binge eating, so instead, I try to organise myself so I don't have the opportunity to buy it. I try to go shopping with DS or OH. I try to avoid long drives on my own.

mylittlesandwich · 19/08/2020 11:06

A combination of just simply not stopping eating when I should. Using food as an emotional crutch and being depressed and unmotivated to exercise has got me to where I am now.

Blobby10 · 19/08/2020 11:07

I exercise daily but I'm still not doing as much as I was ten years ago when I was exercising daily as well as coaching rugby 3 times a week, playing touch rugby weekly and walking dogs daily. However I'm still eating similar amounts so I am a stone fatter. I know that to lose the weight it will take a lot of willpower and can't be bothered. Nothing to do with menopause although I'm holding the weight around my stomach now rather than on my hips.

I'm greedy when it comes to rubbish food - if the biscuits/crisps/chocolate are there I eat them in one go - but would happily go without anything rather than eat something from McD's or Burger King or KFC. I just don't like that food. Similarly take aways - I don't really like them but they are nice as a change from cooking once every couple of weeks.

catfeets · 19/08/2020 11:07

Mine started the same as @lyralalala with being starved as a child. I also had several food allergies which meant I ate even less. I remember always being hungry and turning down meals offered by friends' parents so they'd think I was just scrawny and not too poor to be fed or that my mum was indeed abusive. As soon as I could afford to, I ate as much of everything I liked as I could get my hands on (but stayed slim).
I was sexually assaulted several times in my late teens so I then ate to make myself less attractive. After meeting my ex-h I took on his very unhealthy eating habits of twice-weekly takeaways and puddings most days. Over 10yrs I put on 4st and now I'm used to eating that way it has continued after my divorce.

My DP has a huge appetite despite being tiny and I have no desire to eat tiny portions of food while he stuffs his face and stays 9st. I don't like salad or a lot of other healthy foods and if I force myself to eat them I'll be sick.
I intended to get healthier after having my baby in February but I've had problems with a slipped disc that means I still can't exercise.
It's seems that for now I'll have to stay fat.

fascinated · 19/08/2020 11:07

Eating too much pasta and chocolate and cheese.

Food being a treat as a child.

Graciebobcat · 19/08/2020 11:08
  • Lifestyle changes and hormonal changes* after having children.
  • Work stress and depression which led to comfort eating a few years ago
  • *Specifically endometriosis, and being on the mini-pill in itself makes weight loss harder.
  • Being slightly heavier than I needed to be as a child/teenager.
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