If you are overweight, what, in your opinion, made you that way?

[SistemaAddict]

There's been lots of threads recently about weight inspired by the government trying to crack down on obesity yet encouraging us to eat out and posters bemoaning the lockdown lard/pandemic pounds. There has been lots of discussion about the causes of obesity or being overweight due to societal and financial factors but I wanted to ask what posters think made them either overweight or obese because reasons will vary. Certain medications and conditions can cause weight gain and/or make it harder to lose weight and the peri-menopause/menopause doesn't help.

I stopped breastfeeding a year ago and my appetite didn't return to normal after stopping so I gained weight. Then my asthma was bad from October onwards and my ability to go on bike rides was limited. Then lockdown and shielding and my 5 mile school hike up and down big hills went out of the window and I ate too many biscuits and chocolate and would eat in the evening while reading or watching tv. I gained around a stone and that took me into the overweight category.

In June I decided enough was enough and started 16:8 and limited myself to around 1250 calories a day. I bought a fitbit and started using my fitness pal. Both encouraged me to go on walks with the dc and to take more trips up and down the stairs than were necessary to meet my target of 25 flights a day. I stopped eating after dinner, watched my portion sizes and cut out most of the junk I was eating. I'm now a normal weight with a BMI of 24. I'm carrying on with my healthier lifestyle and improved habits but it's hard especially in the evenings when I want chocolate. My aim is to get to a BMI of 23 as that is where I look and feel best.

I don't want this to be a judgemental thread, or for anyone to fat shame posters, I just wanted to share my own reasons for weight gain and ask others' experiences because it's a very individual thing beyond "too many calories in vs calories out" and it can be very complex.

It's easy to be judgy about other people whose experience you don't share, and Mumsnet is a minefield of it.

Lots of self righteous "I have done this so I don't understand why everyone can't"

I guess a great analogy for me would be - some people do brilliantly well at school, some don't.

Of those that do, there are a fair number that seemed to be naturally gifted and excelled without really putting a finger. There are others who grafted really hard to get their results, and made sacrifices.

Equally of those who did badly, some were likely naturally hampered by learning difficulties, which were no fault of their own. Some of those tried really hard and achieved what they could, and maybe we're really happy with that, knowing they had overachieved their expected level.

Others were completely uninterested in learning or had behavioural difficulties that meant they found it difficult to concentrate.

So e of that may be due to environment, parents, some not.

The analogy is that weight loss and gain are similar.

There are some thin people, like dh, who have a naturally low appetite. If you look at the family you will see that there is a "thin gene" of low appetite. My daughter is the same.

Equally there are people who make thin-ness a big part of their life goals. They work out, they eat healthily. Maybe they have some genetic help or maybe they don't.

On the other side, there are people who struggle with weight from childhood onwards. Whole families of obese people. There are also people who could genetically be thin, with a manageable appetite, but are struggling with bad habits, in an obese environment full of hyper-palatable food, or who don't care that much about weight.

And there are other people whose weight is the least of their problems. Their only pleasure in their hard life is food. Or those whose mental health issues have led them down a path to food addiction.

None of these groups are comparable. A naturally thin person can never identify with someone who is addicted to food. They can't grasp what on earth it feels like to be that person, and vice versa.

Personally, substance abuse is in my past, and at some point in my recovery I seem to have switched to food. I didn't notice it happening until I realised I was on a yo-yo of dieting then "eating as an Olympic sport".

I think the government is right to encourage people to lose weight. But it's not helpful if all that does is give smug thin people the justification for feeling superior. Which many of them already do, because I know them. They actively look down on the obese as lesser forms of life. Along with smokers, alcoholics etc.

But we all have a different starting point and a different journey.

It was breastfeeding for me too that did it. I was always skinny, technically underweight in my teens. Eventually got pregnant at a BMI of 23 (heaviest I’d ever been), had limited diet during pregnancy because of gestational diabetes so I ended up weighing less immediately postpartum than when I got pregnant! Various problems but eventually got appetite back and found I was so ravenously hungry the whole time I was breastfeeding - and I was only doing 50% as combi-feeding! I stayed thin during first year despite eating a lot as I was BFing more and walking miles with the pushchair but once BFing reduced down and toddler wanted to walk slowly everywhere and not be pushed I wasn’t doing as much exercise but was still eating the same as before! I’ve stopped it increasing (now have BMI just over 25) but the stress of lockdown etc mean that comfort food is a much bigger thing now!

Lack of exercise. I have went up a dress size since I started driving just over 2 years ago!
My portion sizes are huge! I've made a conscious effort to cut back but have found myself snacking on biscuits immediately after dinner! I generally eat fairly balanced meals (usually lean meat or fish, vegetables or salad and perhaps some rice or potatoes) so have tried to fill my plate with more veg or salad!

Having children. Weight gain during pregnancy followed by several years of sleep deprivation and lack of time for myself had me stuffing myself with sugar.

I blame myself entirely but I can trace my issues with food to a few causes.

Being rewarded and encouraged to clear my plate as a fussy eater and never learning portion control.

Untreated low level depression and stress, and being violated when I was at my thinnest. All of which resulted in me having negative feelings towards myself.

Exhaustion, working bad hours with no regular schedule and being broke, as well as never having been sporty and not knowing where to start without spending cash I didn't have - probably lame but made it all harder.

Lack of motivation and self loathing.

@Cloudspotter

It's easy to be judgy about other people whose experience you don't share, and Mumsnet is a minefield of it.

Lots of self righteous "I have done this so I don't understand why everyone can't"

I guess a great analogy for me would be - some people do brilliantly well at school, some don't.

Of those that do, there are a fair number that seemed to be naturally gifted and excelled without really putting a finger. There are others who grafted really hard to get their results, and made sacrifices.

Equally of those who did badly, some were likely naturally hampered by learning difficulties, which were no fault of their own. Some of those tried really hard and achieved what they could, and maybe we're really happy with that, knowing they had overachieved their expected level.

Others were completely uninterested in learning or had behavioural difficulties that meant they found it difficult to concentrate.

So e of that may be due to environment, parents, some not.

The analogy is that weight loss and gain are similar.

There are some thin people, like dh, who have a naturally low appetite. If you look at the family you will see that there is a "thin gene" of low appetite. My daughter is the same.

Equally there are people who make thin-ness a big part of their life goals. They work out, they eat healthily. Maybe they have some genetic help or maybe they don't.

On the other side, there are people who struggle with weight from childhood onwards. Whole families of obese people. There are also people who could genetically be thin, with a manageable appetite, but are struggling with bad habits, in an obese environment full of hyper-palatable food, or who don't care that much about weight.

And there are other people whose weight is the least of their problems. Their only pleasure in their hard life is food. Or those whose mental health issues have led them down a path to food addiction.

None of these groups are comparable. A naturally thin person can never identify with someone who is addicted to food. They can't grasp what on earth it feels like to be that person, and vice versa.

Personally, substance abuse is in my past, and at some point in my recovery I seem to have switched to food. I didn't notice it happening until I realised I was on a yo-yo of dieting then "eating as an Olympic sport".

I think the government is right to encourage people to lose weight. But it's not helpful if all that does is give smug thin people the justification for feeling superior. Which many of them already do, because I know them. They actively look down on the obese as lesser forms of life. Along with smokers, alcoholics etc.

But we all have a different starting point and a different journey.

I read first few posts and had enough. So went to current last page and found your breath of fresh air.

So brilliantly said that there is nothing to add.

Stress that makes me put weight on (it’s amazing. I can start a diet, be careful with what I am eating and I start putting weight on rather losing some. Even with meal replacements and no other food)

Being ill with ME and using the sugar rush to give that tiny boost of energy to manage to finish the day.

And there are other people whose weight is the least of their problems. Their only pleasure in their hard life is food.

That was my uncle! Obese with diabetes but refused to change his way of eating because ‘that’s the only pleasure he had left in his life’.
He died from the consequences of his diabetes (heart problems).

I don’t think anyone could judge him for that seen the crap he had gone through.

About a stone overweight. It's pretty much all belly fat from insulin resistance. I've abused my body with far too much sugar over the years and it's come back to haunt me. Struggling to shift it although I have made big inroads in ditching the choc....

Boredom - I eat when I am bored and stressed.
Job - I have an active job. My hours were severely cut (40 hours a week to about 20 hours a month) so I sat playing board games, watching films instead.
Laziness - found it hard to motivate myself.
Worry - didn't want to go out just in case (vulnerable but not shielding category)

Trauma- turned to food as a child just to get through the day.

Bad example from parents. DM doesn't have a good diet and is a picky eater (sensory issues included) and DF likes takeaways and does dangerous diets when trying to shed weight quick. Neither fed me a healthy enough diet growing up.

They also never taught portion sizes and just piled my plate up. As a teen I was skinny, flat stomach etc but was doing sports.

Then I started developing and they'd make comments about extra weight I'd started putting on.

I never felt like I could ask for more food when I was hungry. So I'd spend my EMA on unhealthy foods because I was a college kid doing 7 subjects on the IB and I was stressed.

And now I'm still breastfeeding and I've got PND but I'm determined to shift weight. DH thankfully for whatever reason, is just naturally good at making sure he stays the same weight, he exercises etc. When I'm ready, he's going to help me. But I need to get out of the mindset that I don't need to hide food from him.

@Worried74 I am late to this convo but jeeze, so sorry to hear that

@LimitIsUp Oof! I second that. The pain of plantar fasciitis made me cry one morning when I got into work. Very unprofessional. Wine, stress, PF and PF induced arthritis (and subsequent difficulty exercising), numerous periods of studying, multiple bereavements and peri menopause have caused me to gain weight. Basically looking after everyone else and not enough time to meet my own needs.

Chocolate, crisps, potatoes, cheese, wine, beer, cake and generally loving my food. And being a lazy cow.

Ten years on Citalopram and an underactive thyroid didn't help. N neither did bursitis in my hip, achilles tendonitis and plantar fasciitis. Each restricted my mobility quite a bit, and each one lasted about 2 years, only for something else to start hurting badly within a few months of the previous one clearing up.

I now have arthritis in my knee and a tear in my medial ligament, so once again my exercise opportunities are very limited. And orthopaedic surgeons aren't taking referrals here yet, so I'm on a waiting list to be referred.

However, I've managed to lose 10-12lbs, albeit over about 9 months.

I'm a comfort eater, always have been. That combined with PCOS related insuline resistance, anxiety, depression and a mother that was a "feeder," a weight problem for me was inevitable.

Close to overweight . It’s takeaways, wine and depression . It’s crept up .

Stress; bereavement; anxiety. I don’t smoke or drink: it all comes out in my relationship with food. I work very hard at it but sometimes it gets the better of me and I gain weight again.

Honestly? If you could answer your question, you would be a millionaire!

I have been on both sides; overweight and slim having dieted and list in total around 12 stones! I’m currently almost 3 stones overweight but on my way down again!

I wish I knew the answer, I always thought that if I got to a healthy weight, I’d stay there but the bad habits creep back in. I love sweets, cake, biscuits, wine... sometimes I can’t control myself, it’s like an addiction.

I've worked continuously over lockdown,sometimes 7days a week and even though I have a freezer full of prepared healthy food that is portioned up, I get in from work so shattered I choose the crap option (like pizza,chocolate,biscuits). Result is a stone on which is not the end of the world but it's getting me down a bit.
I think I'm eating crap partly because I've feel I deserve the chocolate after a long day and partly because it temporarily gives me energy to tackle the home jobs and managing teenagers (emotionally-they've been brill for helping round the house) in the evenings when I get home.
It's a temporary situation and I know I can get back on track when work settles down but that's seems a long way off yet.
I need to get a grip!

I thinks it’s my genes. My Mum and Dad are both very obese and my sister and I put on weight at the drop of a hat. I exercise everyday and eat healthily and am still a bit overweight. If I ate what I wanted or even had three meals a day I would put on weight consistently everyday. I know this because I have tried it. My sister plays competitive tennis and also struggles with her weight despite doing loads of exercise as well. I hate having to think about watching my weight all the time but I see how ill and unhealthy my parents are and it forces me to be careful. I do feel a bit hard done by though as my colleagues can have cakes at work or eat bread or have takeaways and I just can’t really do anything like that.

Combernation of picky children, and an inability to see food go to waste.

I was hungry as a child, and 20 years later my subconscious is still programmed to "eat what you can when you can, the might not be food later". Irrational as I know it is, I will eat cold, half eaten chicken nuggets, on top of my normal meal, despite not needing it, getting no enjoyment from it and knowing that there's about a months worth of food in the cupboard.

I also picked up the habit of eating my share of any treat food asap, before someone else has it, which doesn't help with cutting down on snacks. The logical part of my brain knows I can save some for later, but growing up my sibling was equally hungry and would eat anything I didn't, the habit just stuck.

I was always on the large size even as a kid.
I lost a lot of weight before I met dh. I was 63kg at 5’10”. We got married, I had Dds (both bf), moved to Oz. My confidence dipped there. Moved back to the UK. Had no time to myself with working and dc. Here I am, still working, no time, doing all the childcare. No time for exercise or a thought for myself 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just can’t control myself... all the time. I need to get in the right frame of mindset but I’m struggling this year.

Broken thyroid took over 10 years to diagnose and put on 60kg before thyroid treatment started.

Still angry when I can find the energy.