If you are overweight, what, in your opinion, made you that way?

[SistemaAddict]

There's been lots of threads recently about weight inspired by the government trying to crack down on obesity yet encouraging us to eat out and posters bemoaning the lockdown lard/pandemic pounds. There has been lots of discussion about the causes of obesity or being overweight due to societal and financial factors but I wanted to ask what posters think made them either overweight or obese because reasons will vary. Certain medications and conditions can cause weight gain and/or make it harder to lose weight and the peri-menopause/menopause doesn't help.

I stopped breastfeeding a year ago and my appetite didn't return to normal after stopping so I gained weight. Then my asthma was bad from October onwards and my ability to go on bike rides was limited. Then lockdown and shielding and my 5 mile school hike up and down big hills went out of the window and I ate too many biscuits and chocolate and would eat in the evening while reading or watching tv. I gained around a stone and that took me into the overweight category.

In June I decided enough was enough and started 16:8 and limited myself to around 1250 calories a day. I bought a fitbit and started using my fitness pal. Both encouraged me to go on walks with the dc and to take more trips up and down the stairs than were necessary to meet my target of 25 flights a day. I stopped eating after dinner, watched my portion sizes and cut out most of the junk I was eating. I'm now a normal weight with a BMI of 24. I'm carrying on with my healthier lifestyle and improved habits but it's hard especially in the evenings when I want chocolate. My aim is to get to a BMI of 23 as that is where I look and feel best.

I don't want this to be a judgemental thread, or for anyone to fat shame posters, I just wanted to share my own reasons for weight gain and ask others' experiences because it's a very individual thing beyond "too many calories in vs calories out" and it can be very complex.

Wow, I didn't expect so many replies, I'm struggling to read them all.
I am so sorry to hear of the abusive childhoods and sexual assaults

I think the replies highlight that certainly for those posting here that weight is a complex psychological issue and not something that is going to be quickly fixed for anyone. It's not about education, or finances or access to exercise. Food is a crutch and a substance of addiction yet we need it to survive unlike drugs and alcohol. I've always thought obesity should be treated as an eating disorder because it's more about feelings than anything. We aren't hungry for food, we are hungry for love and acceptance and use food to fill the void often left by childhood abuse or trauma.

again for everyone

I’ve never had a weight problem. I’m 50 years old and haven’t had a period for 2 years and 2 months. In that time I’ve put on nearly 4 stone.

My GP said the hormones that once controlled my weight and how hungry I am, have now disappeared. I basically have to change my lifestyle in accordance to my new post menopausal body.

It certainly is a challenge!

Being pregnant during lockdown!! Baby weight plus lack of activity options plus spinning on the sofa with biscuits out of boredom! And so the work begins! 🤦‍♀️

on one level cake, crisps and ice-cream.

On another level social norms which make it acceptable to take such things to every social gathering and then make it my responsibility to ignore them.

On another level, thin people, as they are the most likely to do the above

I'm not overweight but as others have pointed out, finding it very hard to mai tain my weight with the menopause.

The biggest problem for me is poor sleep quality. Not enough deep sleep, affecting the hormones that would normally trigger fat burning. Then fighting tiredness during the day and looking for food for energy.

Tried everything to increase my deep sleep but sadly the menopause is winning at the moment!

I turned to food as a child to get through/comfort self during a period of sexual abuse, extreme upheaval and emotional abuse/neglect.
Sadly the habit sort of crystallised then and now at age 31 I haven't YET resolved the fundamental cause of it.
I literally could write several tomes on the psychology behind eating habits and the science of fat loss. I also am perfectly capable of cooking healthy food, and sticking to a budget, and providing nutritious meal for my child....
I just can't seem to do it for myself.
And I've also lost confidence that I have the wherewithal to actually permanently change in this area, so that I could reach a healthy weight and stay there. Am now a revolting humiliating 22 stone and I am ashamed every day about it.
What it boils down to are the choices I make every single day.

I lived above a chippy at Uni, and the chap fancied my flat mate. So he would send up free food.
We then moved and dominos pizza delivery guy took a shine to another friend so we had LOADS of vouchers for freebies and deals.
Basically I ate for free at uni, but it was all junk food and crap.
Since then I lost a lot of weight being pregnant, and then put it back on because I was depressed and have had PTSD. Frankly it’s all my own fault. However, since lockdown I’ve dropped a dress size!

@dontdisturbmenow sorry if I sounded patronising, I didn’t mean it that way. When I told my gp how much weight I had put on due to antidepressants she told me she could refer me for councilling for my overeating, I told her I wasn’t over eating and she raised her eyebrows, it wasn’t until I did my own research that I found out about the huge weight gain that a lot of people experienced. I could do with taking them now but the thought of gaining 3 stone puts me off.

I've always thought obesity should be treated as an eating disorder because it's more about feelings than anything.

This 👍🏻

My problems started in childhood. My mum was a perpetual yo-yo diet disciple, and has never really been happy with her weight. The only time she ever got to a place where she liked her outward appearance was when she had a nervous breakdown and lost an enormous amount. She is still on and off fad diets to this day. She’s never ever been huge, always just looked average for a woman.

I think me and my younger brother both had attachment issues. I remember distinctly always wanting more of my mum, she was always just too busy or too distant and not very present when she was with us. She’d ignore our phone calls when we were with our dad. I remember so distinctly this fear that every time she left to go somewhere, she wouldn’t be coming back, and that continued for a long, long time.

There’s so much more to it, but I’m not even close to having unpicked it all and been able to make sense of it. However, my younger brother developed a significant problem with drugs, and ultimately died of a drug overdose in 2016 when he was 25. So I think his coping mechanism was drugs, and mine has always been food.

I’ve had ED therapy for BED, which was really useful for me to be able to finally let go the notion that I was fat or over eating simply because I was greedy or disgusting.

I’m having weight loss surgery done privately in October, I hope it helps.

@Summersnearlyover, indeed. It had the opposite effect in my case when I took antidepressants in my 20s. I lost a lot of weight without trying. Its when I stopped that I really struggled and put on quite a bit of weight, and it took me a couple of years to get back to a weight was ok with.

That was in my 20s though, much easier to do than in my 50s!

Eating too much

My mum being incredibly strict re: diet - no sugar, no chocolate or cake, carrot sticks for a treat - and constantly being told if I was at anything other than the bottom band of a healthy weight for my height I was 'overweight', plus all food was vegan.

It meant I didn't learn to self regulate my own eating at all, and instead, began binge eating in my teens as a form of rebellion. This spiralled into a vicious cycle of binge and purge, until I was quite seriously bulimic. I just had no idea what 'eating in moderation' was.

I'm a lot better now at regulating eating, but unfortunately my thyroid had to be removed due to cancer and so that makes it hard for me to lose weight, and if I start to diet strictly it brings back a lot of complex childhood issues relating to my sense of being controlled.

I'm only about a stone overweight now, so try and avoid thinking about it too much. It just seems as if opening the pandora's box of my relationship with food isn't worth it for the same of 14ibs. I know I'm in good shape - I can run 10 km, I can bench press 80kg - so I'm just trying to not worry.

Learnt to drive at 18 so no longer walked to school (was in sixth form and it was a half hour walk up a big hill).
Then I got into my first relationship so I started eating out a lot or ordering take away.
Then at 19 I got an office job so was sat down all day and probably bought a choc bar everyday.

That just got worse and worse and I love cake and chocolate and sweet things and hate exercise. I became depressed, (not just because of weight, lots of things) so comfort eat. 2018 was when I last remember being semi okay with life and I was over 13 stone then.

About 15 and a half stone now and a size 22. I can't help but feel annoyed when people complain about being a size 14 . I'd love a size 14 body. I've just completed a 30 day sugar detox and absolutely nothing has changed and I've gained weight. So what's the point.

I'm repulsive now and only 24, so feel like I basically have no future because who's going to want to have anything to do with me? If something was going to change, it already would've.

Sorry for my woe is my rant. I just can't cope.

Emotional eating and having no self discipline.i started working in a stressful industry 5 years ago and have gone from a size 10 to an 18.

Not swimming anymore - I was going twice a week.
Not cycling anymore - that was when I was at my fittest.
Three babies - never lost it off my boobs.
Comfort eating - bread, cheese, cake, chocolate, crisps
Missing out meals, missing sleep, having a chocolate bar for lunch etc
Not bulk-cooking or cooking fresh/5 a day - some of that is time, motivation, cost - some is just laziness/cooking for one but with 2 dc: all three of us like different things
I should do more but am struggling with other things so diet goes on the back burner until I can get to it.

Lack of willpower and inconsistency with exercise programs

A dislike of exercise
And having parents who's relationship with food is strange

You worry about how to take to your kids about food, reading these, don’t you?

What do we say that won’t give them issues?

It’s hard.

I don't think I'll ever not associate food with love. I am a terrible feeder and show my love through food. Dc and I have baked a cake today as we all love baking and it's something I'm good at. I will take some of it to my mum tomorrow and dc will eat most of it. I'm not a big cake eater as I'm weird about eggs.
My nana used to feed me up after bouts of flu as a child. Nothing excessive at all but I was skinny so it didn't take much to put on a few pounds.
I remained very slim until I went on the pill at 15 and started on antidepressants. Then my eating disorder kicked off at the same time. I don't think I've ever been normal about food. I had weird rituals with satsumas and monster munch as a child of about 8/9 and would assign human things to them so you ate the dad first (biggest satsuma segment) followed by mum and baby but then got stressed if that perhaps wasn't right. M

Not moving much and eating massive portion sizes.

Take aways and nice unhealthy food

I've always been on the larger side, even as a child. My parents fed us pretty healthily

I gained my first lot of weight when PG with DS1, struggled to lose it but managed in the end.

Biggest downfall was moving in with DH, who having lived alone for several years was used to getting the odd takeaway. They became our thing, that or eating out. Neither drinkers or smokers ( I'm tee total)

I'd love to lose weight but feel stuck in a rut

@Bloodylush

This is an interesting thread.

No one here is saying they are overweight because they don’t have any cooking skills or they don’t know what healthy food looks like or that fruit and veg costs too much (which lots of posters are saying on the overweight adults thread.)

Yes, or that they don't have access to a fridge/freezer/cooker/microwave etc.

1. too many calories. Caused by:

• lack of willpower especially when it comes to chocolate and cakes, especially in the office if people brought in cake;
• eating too big portions (I eat very fast, which doesn't help);
• exhaustion from long working days (12-13 hours including commute) which meant that I often resorted to an instant fix to give me energy.

2. not enough exercise. Caused by:

• lack of time (exhaustion from long working days and need to cram all shopping, cooking, housework into weekends);
• physical constraints to do with being overweight (eg I used to use the lift at work rather than walking upstairs because using the stairs made me breathless);
• not really enjoying any type of sport/exercise (which is a shame as I loved it at school);
• fear of embarrassment (eg fear of being laughed at in gym if everyone else was young and fit).

Since retiring last year I have lost 3.5 stone. I've put a bit back on during lockdown but hope to lose another 3 stone or so now that the gym and pool have reopened.

My basic diet is good: I don't eat convenience foods, takeaways are a treat once a month or so, and I don't drink, but I do still eat far too much chocolate (and, in the recent hot weather, far too much ice cream).

I’m just a hungry Horace. I’ll hold my hands up.. If it doesn’t move I eat it.