To not allow DS to go on this bike ride.....

[SeasideArms]

He's 14 . Wants to cycle approx 30 miles. He's going with 2 lads who are 16 and 17. My objections are:

He's fit but not a regular cyclist. I think he's underestimated how hard it will be.

The route includes some busy country roads and one A road. I drive these kind of roads regularly and see the way motorists behave. I've seen many a near miss and one accident.

I also don't know the other boys, although I do know of them. But DS can be secretive and I'm not completely sure he's telling the truth.

He's cross, says we don't let him do anything!
But I'd never forgive myself if something happened to him. AIBU???

I'd let him go. He's 14.

I would want to speak to he other boys. If there is nothing to worry about they should be happy to see you

YANBU. As you say 30 miles is more than you’d think. As a cycling widow, I worry enough about DH when he’s out, an inexperienced 14 y/o on busy roads? No thanks.

Is there a compromise on distance/destination/route that could be had?

The distance I wouldn’t worry about - that’s only a 2-3 hour ride. The A road is more of an issue. They can be terrifyingly dangerous. They need to come up with a more acceptable, safer route. And you need to be reassured they have all the right kit - maps, helmet, bike lock, lights etc.

At 14 i definitely wouldnt even have asked my parents anymore. You should be happy he asked. And let him go. And tell him if he's good he can go again ☺

Trust your gut. Ask to meet the boys first and do. Reckie in the car or on your bike with your son. I'd be most worried about not knowing the boys then the route.

Make sure he’s very visible- bright clothes and helmet, and put a tracking app on his phone if you’re worried. Has he done his cycling proficiency? Does he know the Highway Code for cyclists?

I was regularly cycling 60 miles plus, from the age of 12, with my uncle who was 13. No helmets or mobile phones either - they weren’t around then. It was a great experience and I only came off once- because I was titting around, riding with no hands.

At that age I was youth hosteling with a mate of the same age - all around the Cotswolds and then Derbyshire. I'd let him do it. It may be a tough ride but little experiences like this will help him grow.

I'd let him go but would be asking if there was an alternative to the A road, national cycle routes?

I’d be concerned about county lines here if he’s getting defensive

He should be fine with the distance, it is a way but not overly long. I have done similar length without being cycle fit at all.

More of a worry is the busy roads - has he told you the roads they are riding down or has he just said I am riding to X. There are very few places in the UK where there isn't a quiet lane / bridleway route. Kommute is a good app for putting them together. I can get all the way from High Peak to Cape Wrath without having to ride on busy roads.

Do you.know the other boys well?

I think 14 is quite young to be off with much older teens. I also agree about the road.

This could be a great learning opportunity.

First how-to pack - water, snacks, helmet, make sure phone is charged. etc.

Then look at the route with him. Is there a quicker/easier/safer route to where he is going.

He needs to figure out his own risk tolerances and fitness levels himself.

If he won't have a sensible discussion with you about it then it would make me less inclined to be supportive.

It’d make me wonder why they were going if he’s not used to it

@Tapiocaisbleurgh

I’d be concerned about county lines here if he’s getting defensive

That's quite a leap !

I would be concerned about the roads if hes not used to it does he have good road sense ?

We got our DS, 13 to do Bikeability level 3 before being allowed to cycle on the roads. He does rides of that distance alone and with friends but we are lucky to have good access to cycle path network.
My objections would be the route and lack of cycle training, not distance/fitness or friends (unless you have specific worries about them)

Tell him to be careful, watch the roads and make sure his phone is fully charged.

I cycle regularly and 30miles is really not as hard/far as it sounds, especially for a fit 14 year old.

I would be concerned about him on an A road though. Cars can be careless even if the rider is doing the right thing. I’d be worried that an inexperienced 14 year old could make a dangerous mistake.

Even if you banned him now, he’ll probably find a way to do it in the near future, so I would opt for educating him on safety. My mum was always nervous of me cycling and tried to ban me from things she deemed dangerous. I just borrowed friends bikes and did it without her knowledge. That was more dangerous because I was less experienced than I could have been had I been allowed more practice.

A pp suggested driving the route - that’s a great idea - pay attention to corners and hazards along the way. Help him find out if it’s possible to do the route via cycle routes and quieter roads instead. I’m not sure if cycling proficiency classes will be running just now, but I’m sure there will be lots of info available online to help.

My very unfit, dyspraxic 9 year old could cycle that distance. As could my 7 year old. It's long, about a 4 hour trip but if they're stopping for breaks or over lunch then the distance shouldn't be an issue.

Roads, I wouldn't be happy by your description. Can they do an alternative route which is on safer roads, even if it is a bit longer?

You need to talk through what he will do if the others take their helmets off. Locks, drinking enough (water!) what to do if there's an accident, basic first aid. Can he fix his bike if need be? What if he decides it's too much? I think I'd also want to be able to track him, but you'd need his agreement.

nope, I would be worried sick, but maybe because we have 60 mile an hour roads everywhere here and you have to be very experienced on country lanes to cope with the speed of cars and sharp bends.

I have teens older than yours that always ask permission too. It is a sign you raised them well!

does he know how to fix a puncture?
i think it is far too far

How does he know these two boys who are several years older, and why have they particularly asked/chosen him to go with them? Presumably they're not close friends, otherwise you'd know them rather than just know of them.

Is your ds a well grown boy?

I cycled 50km without much practice and distinctly unfit when I was in my 40s and it was pretty easy. Physically it should be within his capabilities.

My concern would be if the others will cycle at the speed of the slowest member of the group, and they are faster than him.
I’d let him go but make sure he wears hi-viz clothes and takes a fully-charged phone.