To have reported myself to the police?

[foreverananxiousmess]

I'll start with I'm a massive anxiety sufferer and get myself into a panic over nothing, so when an actual issue arises I'm always close to crumbling.

On my way home I clipped a car's wing mirror, it pushed my wing mirror in but no damage/scrape. It was a very busy road with cars parked on either side, I clearly misjudged the room I had. It took me a few seconds to realise what the little thump was but I looked in my mirror and I could see the make of the car and that the wing mirror appeared intact. Because it was such a busy road I couldn't pull over, by the time there was space to park, I was already well out of sight of the car and a good walk away. I also had my baby in the car and worried about getting into confrontation with her present (I know I'm a wimp and I made a very poor decision).

I rang 101 as soon as I got home in the hopes that I could pass my details along if anyone reported it, so that it wouldn't be a hit and run. However because I didn't have the reg of the car, they wouldn't take a report and said it wasn't reportable anyway. They advised going back to the scene and leaving a note. The car was pulled over and I think there was someone in it so not likely to still be there, and I can't go back until DH gets home anyway as DD is having her food.

Bottom line is I thought I was doing the right thing by reporting myself but wasn't able to and I'm now panicking that I'll be reported for a hit and run. I know I should have stopped but with the circumstances I just panicked. Any help or advice appreciated, please be kind, I'm already so ashamed and fee guilty.

@ExclamationPerfume I hope someone does the same to your car one day. What a disgusting attitude to have. Well wishing bad luck to someone is also a disgusting attitude so you don't have the moral highground.

@Greysparkles

There's alot of excuses there.

In future if you hit someone's car, pull over and leave a note with your details on.

A lot is two words.

What would you have done? Stopped and blocked a busy road, leaving a baby in the car to leave a note?

No.

Because that would be very unsafe.

@ancientgran you obviously agree it's fine to damage other people's property and drive off.

Well wishing bad luck to someone is also a disgusting attitude so you don't have the moral highground.

This.

OP you can probably report it online. We were driving down a country lane and someone clipped ours and drove off. Luckily it wasn't damaged just pushed in.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You're trying to do the right thing. I also suffer from severe anxiety so get how you feel.

You're trying to do the right thing now. So don't beat yourself up about clipping a wing mirror.

You are only obliged to report a hit if someone is hurt.
Otherwise you try to swap details and sort out insurance.

Police are not interested in minor prangs when there are no injuries.

As I had my baby with me, I didn't particularly want to drag her around in the rain on a solid 10 minute walk searching for a car that may not even still be there.

You seem a bit wet about your baby. 10mins in the rain is no biggie and you knew where the car was. Also not stopping because of worrying about confrontation in front of your baby. I do think if you're up to driving with your baby, you need to get more of a grip and deal with the incidents that come your way. The baby isn't a get-out for these things.

What would you have done? Stopped and blocked a busy road, leaving a baby in the car to leave a note?

Or y'know, turned off, parked up, taken the baby and left a note.

@JinglingHellsBells

You are only obliged to report a hit if someone is hurt. Otherwise you try to swap details and sort out insurance.

Police are not interested in minor prangs when there are no injuries.

No, that's not true.

If there was damage and you don't swap details at the scene, you have to report it to the police within 24h. From www.gov.uk/vehicle-insurance/if-youre-in-an-accident:

If you’re in an accident

If you have an accident causing damage or injury you must give the following to anyone with ‘reasonable grounds for requiring them’, for example an insurance company:

your name and address
the vehicle registration number
You also need to give the owner’s name and address if the vehicle is not yours.

You must report the accident to the police within 24 hours if you do not give your details at the time of the accident.

You must also report the accident to your insurance company, even if you’re not planning to make a claim."

@JinglingHellsBells

You are only obliged to report a hit if someone is hurt. Otherwise you try to swap details and sort out insurance.

Police are not interested in minor prangs when there are no injuries.

Not actually true -

www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/car-accident/

“Section 170 of the Road Traffic Act 1988 states that the driver of the motor vehicle must stop at the scene of an accident (this includes damage to a person, property or animal), regardless of the severity of the collision or who is to blame.”
“Failure to do so is punishable with a maximum sentence of six months’ imprisonment, you may also receive a fine.”
Plus
“The Road Traffic Act says that you must report the accident to a police constable or police station within 24 hours.”

Cross posted with vanillandhoney.

I've been in a situation where pulling over to exchange details would not have been an option.
The car I was in (being driven by another person) clipped someone a very tiny amount, on a roundabout on the northern circular, one of the places where it has exits and entrances for the flyovers, the person driving reported it to the police and his insurance within 24 hours. Nothing ever came of it.
The system is designed to allow this, as it recognises that when driving, not all situations will equate to being able to easily pull over and exchange details.

I'm not seeing it as an excuse - I've direct experience with severe anxiety.
However, I think you need to separate out the two.

If you've direct experience of severe anxiety then you'll understand that it's not something you can "separate out". Because the reasons OP gives for not stopping at the time, while they may sound like excuses, will have seemed like insurmountable problems in the moment due to her being in a state of panic. As someone who has experienced severe anxiety you'll also know that one of the most debilitating symptoms is indecision. Even the most trivial decisions, the completely normal ones you know you'll have to make on a daily basis like what to wear or what you need to pack in your bag for a trip out with the DC can seem overwhelming. So when something out of the ordinary happens and they are faced with a split second decision, very often a person in the throes of Anxiety will be so paralysed by indecision that they do exactly what OP did: nothing. She just drove home because in that moment she didn't know what to do for the best but she reported herself to 101 once she got there because she knew full well she'd fucked up. That's another really shitty thing about anxiety, even when you know you're behaving irrationally and that your avoidance isn't helpful in the long run, you still can't stop yourself...at least not without treatment, which the OP has said she's pursuing so that's positive.

for you, OP. Anxiety is an absolute fucker. I hope you're ok.

get more of a grip and deal with the incidents that come your way

Congratulations, you've found a cure for Anxiety! Don't bother with that medication after all, OP. Turns out you just need to get a grip and deal with stuff. Simple.

Given The circumstances of the accident it was entirely reasonable that you couldn't stop right away.

Call 101 and give your details - reg number and Address etc ask them to keep it on record in case the owner of the vehicle saw your ref and makes a report. There is nothing else to be done and honestly no need to worry about it any further than that

@welcometohell thank you so much, you've explained it better than I ever could. I made a poor decision which at the time seemed to be the only option to me. I really tried to make up for it. Daily life is hell for me and these other incidents make it impossible.

Ridiculous that people are suggesting the OP should have stopped in the middle of fast moving traffic and put her hazards on (at best causing chaos and a huge pile up in both directions, at worst endangering her baby's life by stopping a car in the middle of a busy road) because she clipped someone's mirror.

In an ideal world you should have stopped in the nearest side road (if possible) and gone back to the car, but you know that OP. You did the next best thing which was to call the police.

It really is the most minor of incidents in the grand scheme of things and happens all the time - there's nothing to worry about, honestly

[quote ancientgran]**@ExclamationPerfume* I hope someone does the same to your car one day. What a disgusting attitude to have.* Well wishing bad luck to someone is also a disgusting attitude so you don't have the moral highground.[/quote]
Why don’t you actually read the disgusting responses that Potterpotterpotter has responded with, then you will see how disgusting a creature they really are.

Hopefully this will show you that they aren’t worth defending.
If not, I don’t wish you ill. However I hope that it will be you, rather than me, who is the victim of their next “hit & run” where they disappear without leaving their details!!

I signalled to him out of the open window to pull over to the side of the road, he gave me a thumbs up, waited for me to pull over and then proceeded to screech past me. With hindsight I should have just blocked the road until I at least had his reg.

Ha ha - sorry but this did make me laugh when I read it. In all seriousness though it's a shame you didn't get his reg - that would have taught him!

TBH, I’m guessing with OP saying someone was actually in the other car when she hit it, that this was the reason for contacting the police when she got home. Probably thought the person in the car took her reg number and would report her anyway, so thought it would look better to get in first. I’m pretty sure no call would have been made otherwise. Someone knocked the wing mirror off my little fiat last year and it cost £150 to sort out, as it had to come from the fiat dealership. So god knows how much it could cost for a bigger car. Can’t believe how flippant some people on here are about it.

OP, you should have stopped. Regardless of the lack of spaces to stop in, regardless of the rain, these excuses are irrelevant...you hit someone's car, you were at fault so the onus is on you to deal with the situation. How would you feel if this had happened to your car? I don't mean to sound harsh or unkind sorry

@welcometohell

*I'm not seeing it as an excuse - I've direct experience with severe anxiety. However, I think you need to separate out the two.*

If you've direct experience of severe anxiety then you'll understand that it's not something you can "separate out". Because the reasons OP gives for not stopping at the time, while they may sound like excuses, will have seemed like insurmountable problems in the moment due to her being in a state of panic. As someone who has experienced severe anxiety you'll also know that one of the most debilitating symptoms is indecision. Even the most trivial decisions, the completely normal ones you know you'll have to make on a daily basis like what to wear or what you need to pack in your bag for a trip out with the DC can seem overwhelming. So when something out of the ordinary happens and they are faced with a split second decision, very often a person in the throes of Anxiety will be so paralysed by indecision that they do exactly what OP did: nothing. She just drove home because in that moment she didn't know what to do for the best but she reported herself to 101 once she got there because she knew full well she'd fucked up. That's another really shitty thing about anxiety, even when you know you're behaving irrationally and that your avoidance isn't helpful in the long run, you still can't stop yourself...at least not without treatment, which the OP has said she's pursuing so that's positive.

for you, OP. Anxiety is an absolute fucker. I hope you're ok.

I do get what you are saying. I couldn’t drive for a long time due to anxiety and ptsd after someone took me out when they failed to stop at a junction, wrote off my car, nearly cost me my life and left me disabled!

However OP shouldn’t be driving (and I really hope she doesn’t again, until she has undergone the treatment she says she is pursuing), if her anxiety prevents her from being able to make basic decisions without panicking!

@welcometohell

If you've direct experience of severe anxiety then you'll understand that it's not something you can "separate out".

You need to re-read my post.

I wasn't saying 'separate out' at the time. I meant now - ie here's what you do about the mirror incident, here's what you do about your anxiety (get help - which OP subsequently said she was doing). I wished her luck.

How utterly patronising that you think there's only one way (the way you describe) to be afflicted by anxiety.

I had some horrible experiences with anxiety, and yes, indecision played a part for sure. But not the way you describe and I wouldn't have acted the way OP did.

It doesn't mean I'm not sympathetic to her situation or don't believe her.

Perhaps you can do me and others the courtesy of realising other people's experiences might be different?

Sorry pressed send too soon. You called the police and attempted to rectify the situation best you could. Perhaps go and have a look tomorrow to see if you can see the car again and leave a note?

@Idontlikeyoghurt

Sorry pressed send too soon. You called the police and attempted to rectify the situation best you could. Perhaps go and have a look tomorrow to see if you can see the car again and leave a note?

Hopefully not driving though!