I have always singlehandedly raised my now 4 year old son. My now ex, decided after we had stayed with him over lockdown (he had asked us to) for 3.5 months to call me two weeks after my son and I returned home to dump me.
Background - My ex thinks he is autistic, this is self diagnosed. He is not the biological father of my son. I have always said that my son and I come as a package. Before lockdown he had sent us an email on how to behave in his house.
My son had started calling him dad and he called my son his son. We had spoken about moving in and marriage just before lockdown. My ex has had some emotional issues so we spoke about him seeing a councillor, he reached out to one and then as they had no space for him, he gave up.
I had a discussion near the end of lockdown, saying that his priority seemed to be more work than family when previously he had been a little more engaged. He agreed, apologised and it seemed like he was making changes to have a better work life balance. We had a few dates and had family time together after leaving his home. This call came out of the blue.
During the call he accused me of cheating, blamed me for him dumping me on the phone. Then said that my friends were all yes men with no diversity of thought and that there was no chemistry between us. He said that I should have made him happy when he came down for food with us during and after work and that it was my fault he went back to work angry all the time (during lockdown he was working from home) and I was homeschooling.
I said maybe we could try relationship counselling and he said that he didn’t need someone who is not as clever as him or his trusted advisors (meaning his friends) to give him back of cereal packet advice.
He ended the conversation saying that he cared for me and wants to be friends so he can be in my sons life. I said that it has and will always be all or nothing. He cannot have the easy parts of being with us without commitment. The next day he sent a goodbye letter to my son. Then sent messages to all his friends and family saying that we had broken up.
AIBU not to continue to let him have a friendship with me and a relationship with my son?