Telling someone you don't like a meal

[Chaosatthezoo]

Example, let's say you go to your mothers, or another very close relative every week for dinner, and they always cook the same certain dish that you really don't like.

Is it rude to tell them that you don't like the dish? Presuming you're not expecting this person to cook for you, but they like you to go for dinner. Would it be right to be honest and tell them you don't like the meal and suggest something different?

This situation isn't mine btw, but something that came up and I was surprised how many people said that they'd eat the meal every week and say nothing. Even though the person would dread going for dinner because they hated the meal.

I said that I could be honest with my own mother but people thought it would be very rude.

"Excuse me Mr and Mrs Witchend, this meal is absolutely revolting."

😂😂😂

What did his parents say?

I would tell my mum. But she's a good cook and I can't think of anything she'd make that I'd hate.
My mil tries really hard to make things people like and will remember if you like/don't like something. My dh told her when we first started dating however that Toblerone was my favourite chocolate (nfi why), so I got one every birthday and Christmas. I hate Toblerone. Went on for years before I said anything.

I get this with a specific person in my life.

If I don't tell them about a food I'm not enjoying, they get upset because "they're not psychic & why couldn't I just be straight with them".
If I tell them, they get upset because I'm "ungrateful & they'll not bloody bother cooking anything for me in future".

I've offered to cook/host. No, apparently they enjoy it. The amount of swearing that generally comes from the kitchen area would indicate otherwise...?

Hmmmm...If I was feeling tactful I’d suggest we tried a recipe I’d seen ‘for a nice change’ or perhaps suggest you save them cooking and bring it and cook yourself for them. But if it were me I’d probably just tell them. No way I’d be able to sit there gagging through a meal.

My MIL is a truly dreadful cook. The concept of seasoning, spices etc seems to have passed her by. She can't even cook decent roast potatoes or parsnips, they come out sort of greasy, not crisp and slightly caramelised and her veg are done in an electric steamer until they have lost all colour and texture.

She seems to think shepherd's pie is a great treat. Don't get me wrong, I love shepherd's pie and make a great one, but hers is so sloppy it's like mince and potato soup, with added (granule) gravy on the side.

The only 2 meals she cooks are shepherd's pie and roast chicken (frozen battery chicken, from Iceland). If it's just us, we try and persuade her to come out for lunch, but she really thinks it's a treat to have a nice home-cooked meal.

In fairness, when all her children and partners are there they have a bewildering array of food allergies and intolerances between them, and then there's SIL1 who can't bear anything creamy and DBIL who won't eat anything foreign or any veg apart from potatoes, so it's hard to find anything that everyone will eat, but ffs, I dread it.

We think she doesn't actually like food much, tbh. Whenever we take her out for a pub lunch, she always has ham, egg & chips if it's on the menu. Yet when we cooked Christmas dinner for the entire extended family, she pronounced it the best meal she'd ever had, so she can taste the difference.

I'd absolutely tell my mum. The only thing I'd be wary of is telling her after years of the same thing. I'm guessing she thinks its a favourite meal!

My auntie experiences this everytime she goes to my cousin's house. Hid wife makes biriyani every time and auntie has told her she doesn't like biriyani but that is always what gets cooked. I don't think she likes having my auntie over.

My mil is a good cook but over the years has massively reduced the amount of seasoning she uses. I would think it rude to put my curry back on the stove and season it to my taste. So I eat enough that it won't offend. Unless specifically asked over for dinner I will eat before I go over there.

If someone cooks a specific meal for you every week that you don't like I would tell them.

When I visit my mother I always take the food with me because she tends to live on things like frozen waffles and mince. I realise that’s its difficult to do if it’s a family meal but in that scenario I’d make a large lasagne or something similar and ask her to get the add on bits. It might encourage her to do different things.

My DM definitely has not, and probably will never, come round to the idea that my DB is not still the fussy eater he was when he was a child. Or that my favourite meal is still super noodles with cheese.

It's mad because she treats us as adults in every other part of our lives, we're all quite close. But she cannot stop seeing us as children when she cooks for us.

She also will not use seasoning. Or if she does, and the recipe calls for say fresh mint, she can't see the problem in using dried mint. Or if it says cream, using skimmed milk.

Every time I go home I now just say I'm cooking as a treat for her.

My DGM was a terrible cook as well - she had six kids to feed on a single salary so it was all cheap burgers fried in oil. When I was a teenager I couldn't face it so I just said I'd rather have a salad and she told me yes, it probably was time I started watching my weight

I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell your own mother that you don't like a certain meal, or make an excuse not to go if she keeps serving it, or throw up on the table if it's really that bad.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

I think if you accept an invitation to eat at someone's house you're kind of obliged to eat what your given to be honest.

but often you haven't really accepted the invite - if its your In laws you go because you are obliged to.

I just get my other half when we go to the in laws to check what is being made and if its something he knows i dislike, we go to the shops and get a ready meal for me or shove in a breaded chicken to replace the fishy main. I have made it clear i don't eat fish (beyond fish fingers) and its always "ah we were good, we just made a turkey curry - WITH PRAWNS IN" - luckily those i could pick out.

Not a full meal but two key components of any Irish means...

1. Gravy. MIL absolutely 100% cannot make gravy - she makes slightly brown water. In my view gravy should be thick and meaty and adds umani and meat flavouring to a dinner - in MIL's view, gravy is just there to wet dry stuff...

1. Mash potatoes. She refuses point blank to put milk in the mash and only one tiny knob of butter so its dry as anything. Seasoning is also one decadence too far. Oh and FIL likes to use an ice cream scoop to serve it like school dinners...

We live overseas and every time we come home they think they are doing us a massive favour with a "taste of home". Every time, I smile politely and eat it.

The irony is that we can make get the ingredients to make this stuff where we live. What we really miss is chip shop chips, battered sausages and Tayto crisps.

Oh my goodness - just say you’ve gone off trifle / apple pie / etc!

In answer to the original question, yes I would say something. And if they minded not being told sooner I would apologise and say I was worried about how to tell them.

Maybe I'm spoiled because DH eats absolutely everything, but I find myself with somewhat limited tolerance regarding 'likes' and 'dislikes'. Of course everybody can have a few, but honestly when I cooked a meal for some friends a while ago, and found out that one left most of it on her plate, I didn't feel sorry (the rest demolished it with pleasure!). If it were religious restrictions, food allergies or intolerances, that's one thing, but with her it's 50% of vegetables, this-meat-but-not-those-meats, this-kind-of-sauce-not-that-kind-of-sauce - frankly that's just being a pain, and the kind of behaviour you should leave behind once you're over ten. (And yet weirdly, she considers herself a bit of a foodie!).

That said, I'd tell my mother if I didn't like something, but would never have dared tell my FIL (who did all the cooking) - there's a reason why my husband eats everything on his plate!

"Mum, there's something I need to tell you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but it might be upsetting and I've been trying to work up to it for quite some time..."

[mum envisages serious illness, unwanted pregnancies, unsuitable men, debts, crimes committed, etc, etc]

"...I don't really like cauliflower cheese."

[mum is so relieved that it's not any of the above things that she laughs and gives daughter a hug and everyone lives happily ever after]

I’d tell her. Seems silly not to.

Reminds me of an ex boss I had who every day binned the sandwiches his wife made for him and bought lunch out. He didn’t have the courage to tell her he didn’t like them and she’d been doing it for 20 years.

@doodliedoo

Maybe I'm spoiled because DH eats absolutely everything, but I find myself with somewhat limited tolerance regarding 'likes' and 'dislikes'. Of course everybody can have a few, but honestly when I cooked a meal for some friends a while ago, and found out that one left most of it on her plate, I didn't feel sorry (the rest demolished it with pleasure!). If it were religious restrictions, food allergies or intolerances, that's one thing, but with her it's 50% of vegetables, this-meat-but-not-those-meats, this-kind-of-sauce-not-that-kind-of-sauce - frankly that's just being a pain, and the kind of behaviour you should leave behind once you're over ten. (And yet weirdly, she considers herself a bit of a foodie!).

That said, I'd tell my mother if I didn't like something, but would never have dared tell my FIL (who did all the cooking) - there's a reason why my husband eats everything on his plate!

Why are you putting ‘likes’ in quotes?

I think it’s weird she can’t tell her mother she doesn’t like something. I would say ‘I really used to like it when you made xxxx, could we have that next week,’ and praise it extravagantly.

As a host you should want your guests to enjoy their food, so should want this brought up.

We're the sort of family who decide together what we eat and don't get offended at each other stating preferences. I don't see why you would.

She should speak up. Ot would be rude if the meal was a one off, but not when it is a regular occurrence.

I'd definitely tell my mum, probably the first time she served it. It's more awkward for your colleague though as it's been going on so long and presumably she's been polite, eating it, saying "thanks that was great" etc etc. So it's harder to now say, "actually, I've never liked it"

Could you 'develop an allergy?

I won't eat prawns, mainly because to me they look like big pink maggots, but I found if I say I don't like them people said "oh but they're lovely, try one of these..." so I now say I am allergic to them and no-one tries to force feed me anymore.