Telling someone you don't like a meal

[Chaosatthezoo]

Example, let's say you go to your mothers, or another very close relative every week for dinner, and they always cook the same certain dish that you really don't like.

Is it rude to tell them that you don't like the dish? Presuming you're not expecting this person to cook for you, but they like you to go for dinner. Would it be right to be honest and tell them you don't like the meal and suggest something different?

This situation isn't mine btw, but something that came up and I was surprised how many people said that they'd eat the meal every week and say nothing. Even though the person would dread going for dinner because they hated the meal.

I said that I could be honest with my own mother but people thought it would be very rude.

My late mother used to often buy a large joint of rolled sirloin for family get-together meals, very expensive, and she then cooked it very slowly until it was the texture of corned beef! We all used to tell her not to over-cook it but she seemed to think that because pork needed careful cooking, all meats did. She was horrified when we were out and I ordered my steak blue, or mooing as OH called it, apparently it wasn't cooked through.

@AiryFairyArtyFarty

Surely your mother would know what you liked and disliked? If it was a more distant relative I'd probably just suck it up but not eat very much

I was almost thirty before my mom found out my elder sister and I used to swap food i used to have her beans she used to have my wobbly fried egg (shudders) because she ate in a different room she never knew

I would probably just say, or make an excuse, like I ate some bad X and can't stomach it anymore, or X has started giving me indigestion. You don't have to outright say you hate their cooking.

I'd been married to dh for 14 years before he told me he doesn't like fried onions. In fact, he didn't tell me, he told my mum. We were going to have burgers and she was miffed because the onions she'd bought had gone soggy in the middle so there wasn't much fried onion. That was the point at which he thought to say "don't worry, I don't like fried onions, anyway" 😡

@BaconsLaw
Post op my dad had to go food shopping for me. He's not the useless men you read about but I haven't lived at home for 20 years
He turned up with "I panicked and couldn't remember anything you liked"
Basically he bought M&S out of ready meals and randomly one pudding of lemon mousse
Me "you had the whole of M&S and you picked.. lemon mousse?!"
Him "I thought you liked it"
No, that's mum idiot
I wanted chocolate goodness

With one of my relatives it was really difficult to bring up in conversation, We talked about food in general. I then talked about a dish I knew my relative had made previously and how much I enjoyed it and asked how she cooked it.

The next time I went she made it especially for me. A few times I took food with me for her to cook. I got a special cut of meat and wine that I knew she loved.

My friend invites me to eat at hers all the time. I don't like her meals; they are edible but bland. I like fresh, healthy meals with plenty of vegetables and flavourings. She finds my meals weird and won't try them. She is rude about my food yet I can't bring myself to criticise hers.

I don't eat at my mother in laws because her food is vile.

She thinks I'm vegetarian. She said she doesn't know how to cook vegetarian food so I take my own food.

I would tell my own mother. But that’s probably the only person who I could tell!!

Would just say, oh mum could you do xx this time it’s my favourite, then hopefully she will do that all the time

@QueenCT

My dad would be exactly the same!

It would be too embarrassing for me - and perhaps make them feel bad - to say I'd never liked it and had been pretending I liked it all along. I would claim that my tastes had changed and I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to. Or maybe I would tell some fib about having had a bad experience recently which had put me off that food.

I wouldn't say I didn't like it, I'd just ask if we could have x next time 'as I live it & it's been ages since we had it!' Then remind her before the next meal & just keep doing that.

If it was my family I'd have no problem saying that I'd prefer something else or just not eating it and making myself something else. If it was my in-laws (which would never happen as they all make fantasic food) I would eat the bits I like and leave the parts I don't like.

My mum loves an aubergine and ricotta pasta sauce that my DP makes, but he generally serves it with penne. It was only last time we saw her that she mentioned that she thought penne was the worst pasta shape. It was difficult not to object "but... you've liked it for the last 20 years..." evidently she hadn't. Oh well I suppose we know now.

The trouble with these things is that you have to do it quite quickly or not at all. You can say you don't like something the first or second time you're given it, but it's going to really upset your host if you reveal you've been hating the meal they make you for years. I have learned this from having a weird name - I have a 'window' to go 'actually, it's X', once that's gone it's too awkward and I have to live with being known by their random approximation of my name forever more.

AiryFairyArtyFarty

My mum can't remember I have a food allergy let alone remember foods I simply don't like!

Dh's family have somehow got the impression that I really love trifle above everything else. I suspect in our early courting days I may have been a bit over-enthusiastic about MIL's boxing day trifle.

Now whenever I host a get together someone always brings a huge trifle as well as another dessert, because I apparently love trifle so much.

And I feel compelled to eat lots of this huge thing whilst everyone tucks into another often nicer dessert. They're so kind I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm actually quite 'meh' about trifle. Even though it would save them hassle 🤔

My dad is 61 and goes to eat at his DM who feeds him carrots, every time, he absolutely hates carrots I think he gave up telling her he didn’t like them a few decades ago

I think if you accept an invitation to eat at someone's house you're kind of obliged to eat what your given to be honest.

My parents had celebrated their silver wedding before Dad confessed to Mum that he didn't like macaroni cheese. It had been a weekly dish all those years...

@RedskyAtnight

Not quite the same issue, but my MiL is somehow convinced that apple pie is my favourite dessert so she serves it up every time I visit. I actually don't mind apple pie, but wouldn't number it among my favourites and there are many things I'd prefer, but don't quite know how to tell MiL when she prefaces it every time with "I got apple pie - your favourite!".

@RedskyAtnight you should say to MIL “oh it’s so kind of you to always make my favourite pudding, but I feel so selfish - maybe next time you should make someone else’s favourite!”

Once every once in a while? Yes, I'd probably just take a small portion and make the best of it out of politeness. But serving the same thing every week?! I'd have to say something.

If I thought it would make is less embarrassing for them (that they'd been serving me this for so long when I hated it), I might make up a little white lie about how my tastes have recently changed or my stomach has suddenly started reacting poorly to certain things, and so you can no longer eat XYZ. However, that might backfire if they begin worrying that there's something wrong with you or take it to mean that your stomach can only handle very bland food.

Having just cooked something tonight (odd lockdown bits and bobs - noodles and brocolli and satay type dressing with lots of lime juice) which do and I both declared to be disgusting I am all for honesty in family.
However - Would your mum be hurt ? Is she getting older and a bit less good of a cook ? Do you need to be diplomatic ? I liked the suggestion above of simply suggesting a change. Mums usually see right through things though.
My ma used to cook for me when I went round weekly. She was a great cook - every now and then not and I’d say so gently - she’d usually agree. I never said anything about her bread which became less good but that was because she had trouble kneading as arthritis got worse. I helped her choose a bread maker - she saw through that
Good luck it’s tricky.

@ClashCityRocker

Dh's family have somehow got the impression that I really love trifle above everything else. I suspect in our early courting days I may have been a bit over-enthusiastic about MIL's boxing day trifle.

Now whenever I host a get together someone always brings a huge trifle as well as another dessert, because I apparently love trifle so much.

And I feel compelled to eat lots of this huge thing whilst everyone tucks into another often nicer dessert. They're so kind I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm actually quite 'meh' about trifle. Even though it would save them hassle 🤔

And @ClashCityRocker you should say to DH’s family “oh it’s so kind of you to always make my favourite pudding, but I feel so selfish - maybe next time you should make someone else’s favourite!”

My old Labrador lived in a diet of green beans and salmon when I was a teenager. I hated it! My DB was such a fussy eater I didn't have the heart to tell my mom that one of the few meals he would eat, I couldn't stand. I'd just fill up on bread and salad and nibbles before she started cooking!