AIBU to not want my 9 year old to share a room with a 14 year old girl....

[standingupfornonsense]

My ex husband has taken our two boys on holiday with his girlfriend and daughter. Our two are 7 & 9. Her daughter is 14. They have been together around 4 months and don't live together. They've not had sleepovers etc either from what the boys have said.

They have gone away today and are staying in a caravan with a double room and 2 twin rooms. Our youngest is having a room on his own and our eldest they have shared with her daughter.

I know this is for just a holiday but given there is the option of the brothers sharing and the daughter having her own room but aibu to expect them not to share a room?????

I don't know his girlfriend or the daughter. Their dad is a narcissistic prick who doesn't communicate. He has also brought the 9 year old a mobile phone with no consultation but that's a separate issue!!!!

Thoughts?

OP, I reported tour post because you've named your child in it.

That’s just weird. What a curious thing to do when the obvious is to have the boys together.

why is everyone on mn described as a 'narcissist'

That poor girl. She shouldn’t be asked to share a room with a boy she barely knows.

Your son shouldn’t have to share with someone he doesn’t know either, but I must admit my sympathy is primarily with the teen girl whose mother clearly doesn’t prioritize her.

Thank you sorry I didn't realise I'd put a name in...

I've called him a narcissist because he is

Agree it’s really odd for the brothers not to be sharing. And I can’t imagine the girl is happy. Perhaps he trying to force a blended family.

Four months is very quick to be meeting children, let alone all going on holiday together.

Wait and see what your boys say when they come back.

That's very strange. It's the 14 year old I feel sorry for. Why is she having to put up with a much younger boy who isn't even her brother when there is another option available? Inappropriate, though in your shoes I wouldn't be too worried.

Weird. I feel sorry for the girl and the boy, because he'll pick up on her pissed off vibes.

Do you not think the arrangement is so the boys fall asleep quickly without chatting? And the older girl slips in later? I’m sure your XH is an arse but this isn’t damaging (unlike the phone / topless pic situation!)

Exactly! I agree with all of you. It's just inappropriate and unfair on both parties when clearly there's a better option available. They hardly know each other. I don't know them. They've been seeing each other during lockdown and even introduced the kids when households shouldn't have been mixing. He doesn't care

Honestly, you’re wasting time on something you can do nothing about

Get the boys back, ask them how it was, did they enjoy themselves and if they didn’t, you can look at what your rights are to protect them in future- or not.

He’s a shit parent, sounds like she is too... doubt they’re going to last the course.

@MsEllany

YANBU. Sounds like one of your boys kicked up a stink about sharing with the other as I’m pretty sure the sharing thing didn’t come from the girl!

It really doesn’t. Typical mumsnet. There is nothing to suggest the boys have done anything wrong. Being 7 and 9 they have very little say over where they sleep.

Fuck off @Freddiefox. There is also nothing to suggest the girl might sneak out or use her phone too much, is there.

At this point, it’s anyone’s guess, so I’m not sure why you’ve picked mine out as so objectionable, especially when I’ve said OP is not unreasonable.

Of all the coparenting hills to die on this isn't one I'd choose personally. There's bugger all the OP can actually do about it. If she starts picking fights she can't win it get even harder.

If you had concerns about him being a crap parent and making bad decisions especially with the inappropriate photo your child saw, I'd not have agreed to them going.

Boys together in one twin room
Teenage girl in the other twin room by herself so she has some privacy!
Why would anyone do it any other way?!

We have a court order. I have no choice.

Plus I didn't know the sleeping arrangements until they were there.

@Emmelina

Boys together in one twin room Teenage girl in the other twin room by herself so she has some privacy! Why would anyone do it any other way?!

Maybe EXH really really didn't want to drag his new love's 14 yr old along? Maybe the teenager hates him and its mutual?

god knows a mardy 14 yr old girl could really wreck a romantic get away for her Mum's new BF if she set her mind to it.

So he's making her share with a little boy to A) send her to bed early and B) make sure that next time, she won't tag along and C0 punish her for all that eye rolling, shrugging, sulking, under-breath muttering, and refusing to go to bed so he can shag her mother.

Baffled as to what the reasoning behind this could be. A 14 year old girl would surely hate sharing with a boy who isn't even her brother. You would wonder why her mother would agree to this also

I suspect your ex is asserting his narc authority over the new GF and her DD. Maybe even so the new GF can't bunk in with her DD when his narcy ways get to her. Nobody but him is benefitting from this scenario, maybe she will dump him soon if the love bombing has worn off already. Your boys will hopefully have a nice time and I hope this doesn't spoil it for them. I wouldn't react, it's probably what he is after.

@MsEllany

Fuck off *@Freddiefox*. There is also nothing to suggest the girl might sneak out or use her phone too much, is there.

At this point, it’s anyone’s guess, so I’m not sure why you’ve picked mine out as so objectionable, especially when I’ve said OP is not unreasonable.

Bullshit, I never mentioned the girl And her phone so not sure what you are talking about there. I pulled you up and you jumping to blame two boys straight away. There was nothing in the op to suggest either boy had been difficult or kicked up.

You said MsEllany
YANBU. Sounds like one of your boys kicked up a stink about sharing with the other as I’m pretty sure the sharing thing didn’t come from the girl!
It really doesn’t.

So I pulled you up on it, you made an assumption, and blamed 2 young boys when they have very little say.

you jumped in and said you bet one of the boys kicked up a stink. you can tell me fuck of all you like but it’s not helpful to assume things. Particularly when they are children, and it’s a negative statement.

Tbh unless my child was unhappy about the arrangement, I wouldnt be bothered about holiday sleeping arrangements. They have their own beds and they're only sleeping in there so what is the issue?

It might be logical for the boys to share but there could be any number of reasons why they have chosen this configuration - maybe they were bickering so they split the boys; or they were staying up chatting/messing about so split them etc you dont know. Also I'd assume that at 7 &9 they would have an earlier bedtime than a 14yr old so perhaps they go to bed separately (so they dont keep each other up) and then the 14yr old just slips in later at her own bed time, by which point your DS is fast asleep.

Do your boys fight with each other a lot? It may be best arrangement to keep the peace & make sure everyone gets done sleep. It dies sound an odd arrangement but they must have some basis for it?

Good luck to them getting a 14 year old girl to share a room with a little boy she barely knows 😂