AIBU to not want my 9 year old to share a room with a 14 year old girl....

[standingupfornonsense]

My ex husband has taken our two boys on holiday with his girlfriend and daughter. Our two are 7 & 9. Her daughter is 14. They have been together around 4 months and don't live together. They've not had sleepovers etc either from what the boys have said.

They have gone away today and are staying in a caravan with a double room and 2 twin rooms. Our youngest is having a room on his own and our eldest they have shared with her daughter.

I know this is for just a holiday but given there is the option of the brothers sharing and the daughter having her own room but aibu to expect them not to share a room?????

I don't know his girlfriend or the daughter. Their dad is a narcissistic prick who doesn't communicate. He has also brought the 9 year old a mobile phone with no consultation but that's a separate issue!!!!

Thoughts?

Another thought. If your boys would rather share perhaps they could suggest that to their dad so you don’t have to get involved - perhaps he’s more likely to listen.

The worst case scenario is that this is the arrangement. It’s only a holiday so don’t worry too much - they won’t spend much time in the bedroom it’ll just be to sleep.

Obviously the brothers should share and the poor teen girl should get her own space. Do the brothers not get on?

I've no idea why the two boys who are brothers aren't sharing? I'm not there!!!

Very odd. Does the dd have some problems sleeping alone or something? I know you don't know.

I would have expected her to share with the younger boy for some reason, if she shared at all.

Maybe she insisted on having hte larger room - or maybe the place was booked just for her and her mum and now they've decided to lump the boys in too (your ex exerting pressure perhaps?) and the dd refusing to move. Could be any number of things...

They've been together 4 months?! Fuck me people don't take their time these days do they!

But could you ask your son or their father if you are concerned?

@len1234

I think it's fine them sharing assuming they'd be changing in a private room and not in front of each other but it would make a lot more sense to have the boys share and give her daughter privacy.

I can't believe he gave your 9 year old a phone without even asking you that's crazy.

I'd assume the same -boys to share. Regarding the phone -thats easy -when you pick them up -mobile phone goes in glove box until you drop him off again. Gives you a phone to text when he is at his dad's house.

The 14 year old needs the privacy surely, two brothers should share, all seems weird to me

I'd be making it clear this sleeping arrangement is not acceptable.

@YorkshireTeaIsTheBest
I'm assuming it's a smart phone though which means he has access to the internet. Nine is way to young, it's unsafe and unnecessary. You can get watches that are made for kids so that they can contact only the numbers that are put in by the parents and can't be contacted by anyone else. It's just common sense to communicate with the other parent about buying your child a phone, especially at such a young age.

I have messaged him to clarify if that is the arrangement, but he hasn't replied. This was 4 hours ago. He won't communicate at all so no point in calling

It also unfair that now the mother will have to take away the phone and be the bad guy.

I'd question it with your ex.

I agree about the phone - I said ages ago we should speak when we were considering it....he hasn't

Poor kids.

Done as a punishment for the boys bickering or fighting together?

Poor kids. Neither the 9 nor 14 year old will be happy.

Maybe the 7yr old asked to share with the girl. If not it makes no sense but I wouldn’t be particularly worried about it unless my son was unhappy. Is he?

This is him all over. This holiday was planned together so they knew the arrangement for sleeping before

You can make a fuss but then your ex will use it to continue to wind you up on other occasions.

You don't have any control of what he does in his time with your joint children.

If you want to know the logic behind who is sharing with who then talk to your eldest child yourself.

The boys get on fine, there's no reason why they can't be in the same room.

Omg your ex is an arsehole. Your ds must be embarrassed. I also feel more sorry for the 14 yo. This really isn’t appropriate.

If you 9YO has a phone then can you call it and insists he puts his Dad on? I’m sure there’s a logical explanation, most likely that the boys are over excited, messing about and wouldn’t go to sleep so they split them up. The poor 14YO girl though.

I suspect he brought him a phone so he's not on his dads....the other week his girlfriend sent him a picture of her tits which he saw as he had his phone. This was in the middle of the day and he had his phone with consent.....

Yup poor kids but we have a court order so I have no choice.

[Edited by MNHQ to remove names]

@Angelina82

Maybe the 7yr old asked to share with the girl. If not it makes no sense but I wouldn’t be particularly worried about it unless my son was unhappy. Is he?

In that case you would tell them no they can't.

I also highly doubt the 14 year old girl is happy about this so how he feels is irrelevant.

I’d ask mn to remove your post where you name your child.