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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my neighbour NOT to lean over the fence to trim hedges?

75 replies

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 12:43

We have a VERY nosey neighbour. Watches us in the garden, watches us coming and going, comments on EVERYTHING, if we’re out there she tells us how to BBQ, play with our pets, set up pool etc. How to jet wash patio, where we should put garden furniture and worst of all if we’re in the garden she skulks behind the fences/hedges etc and eavesdrops/stares (witnessed by us and guests and then she’s daft enough to bring it up in conversation what she’s overheard).

Occasionally she asks to come into our garden to trim plants a certain way, or on the guise of she needs to dig up a root or something -can she do it from our side and then invariably she interferes with our arrangements. We ALWAYS say no to the back garden but she has done it to the front twice.

We don’t let her onto our property anymore.

She has now taken to climbing up a ladder so she can look right over the fence, into our home and is pulling clumps of tree/hedge etc so that it’s back on her side And cutting it to appease herself. Which means rather than a natural order of growth we have straight lines on our side.

I’ve asked her to stop interfering with our side of the fence, but she says it’s her tree/hedges and so she has the right to do this. I can and DO trim it myself .

She is argumentative, and I do think there may be a mental health issue involved. None of the neighbours near her are exempt from this behaviour (interferes with workmen, visitors, deliveries, bin days etc.)

Was I wrong to tell her to leave our side alone though she was doing it from her side of garden.

She once told my husband that he shouldn’t play with our dog in the garden as he makes her bark and that’s abuse. When my husband told her not to be stupid she had to be physically restrained by her husband as she was trying to come over fence.

Part of me thinks leave it but she just finds more ways to interfere.

Was I wrong? WWYD?

OP posts:
indub · 17/08/2020 12:50

Electric fence? Motion activated sprinkler?

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 13:00

😂electric fence would be lovely. Or a bloody wall to stop her shouting across our garden to tell our NDN what they are doing wrong !

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/08/2020 13:19

Trellis in top of the fence?

MrsSpenserGregson · 17/08/2020 13:21

Electric fence AND a motion-activated sprinkler. Then she'll be toast in no time.

Jaxhog · 17/08/2020 13:31

Definitely a motion-activated sprinkler!

Fanacapan · 17/08/2020 13:40

We had neighbour issues years ago and the local policeman advised planting prickly shrubs, pyracantha or Berberis , hawthorn or even rambling roses or gooseberry.

5foot5 · 17/08/2020 13:41

If at all feasible raise the height of the fence to at least 6 foot - or put up a trellis as someone else suggested.

Apart from that I suppose every time she comments on what you are doing or should be doing you could try just telling her to fuck off and mind her own business. It might not have any effect but it would make you feel better!

Seriously though, you mentioned a husband who restrained her once from climbing over. Is it worth having a word with him about the annoyance she is causing you?

Yeahnahmum · 17/08/2020 13:42

Can you raise your fence ? This woman sounds batshit....

MaggieFS · 17/08/2020 13:42

She does not have the right to touch anything on your side, even if it's overhanging from her side.

I'd be tempted to do a lot more jet washing and each time she talks to you, turn round and accidentally drench her as she suddenly catches you by surprise.

Swaninvester · 17/08/2020 14:03

I thought this was a joke when I got to the bit about the ladder....

You poor thing. I had this for years in a terraced house, the woman next door was always coming into my garden, throwing scraps of meat where I hung out my washing 'for the birds' etc.

I tolerated at first but eventually couldn't stand not to enjoy my garden anymore so got had a 6' fence put up - she attacked the workmen with an axe!!

They had to restrain her. I moved eventually :)

Good luck.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 14:07

Sorry I thought I’d mentioned it but can see I just said she uses a ladder.

It’s her fence, it’s 6ft tall. I can’t add to it, she’s already told me not to put anything on my side of the fence 🙄. She heard us doing some D.I.Y and got irate because she thought we’d screwed something to her fence (we hadn’t) . Parts of the fence have trellis, and there are knot holes and gaps in wood for ease of spying. I’m not even kidding with that last bit.

The husband is useless. Very meek, shy almost. You hear her berating him all the time, it’s sad. That was the only time we’d seen him intervene.

I’m going to tell her AGAIN that she should have NO impact on our garden, even if it’s her tree/hedge she cannot alter the shape of it once it’s on our side of the property line. Does that sound right?

I just want to be able to use our garden. In peace!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/08/2020 14:12

I would up your own trellis, 8-10 foot high and then block her peeping holes.

nasiisthebest · 17/08/2020 14:13

Just put your own fence up.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 14:16

Swaninvestor. That sounds awful, I’m so sorry there’s so many of these individuals out there.

This one doesn’t throw meat but insisted I put bird seed out (we do but this day we’d run out and were waiting on a delivery) It drove her mad. Accusations abou5 the lfessure it puts on her to keep birds fed because we failed 😂

Bat shit crazy indeed.

OP posts:
UnfinishedSymphon · 17/08/2020 14:21

Plant something fast growing on your side of the fence, it'll cover up any gaps and keep the silly mare out

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/08/2020 14:22

Take a photo of her every time you see her leaning over your fence, and peeking through the spy holes. Smile

TopCherry · 17/08/2020 14:24

Mental for sure

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 14:34

Taking photos might be an idea, build a case now, because it does feel like it can only get worse.

The spy hole thing freaks me right out. I used to get this weird feeling and I’d check to see if she was up her ladder/at the window etc. And she wasn’t, it was messing with my head, till one day I mentioned it to my hubby and she must’ve moved away from the fence because suddenly this knot hole has light behind it, like it just suddenly appeared In the fence where before it had been dark. Also sometimes our dog walks up to a bit of fence/hedge and barks😂

Thank you all. She is so insistent it’s her right to do what she wants that I really though it was me being a moody cow and needing a head wobble.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/08/2020 14:34

even if it’s her tree/hedge she cannot alter the shape of it once it’s on our side of the property line. Does that sound right?

I don't think that sounds right at all. I think she can pull bits back to her side but she can't go onto your side to do it. After all, she could chop the whole thing down and alter the shape of it completely! I'm constantly pulling my wisteria back through the fence so that it doesn't encroach on next door.

I would definitely plant lots of things in front of her spy holes though. Also, a hawthorn hedge is a total bastard for thorns!

madcatladyforever · 17/08/2020 14:39

I'm afraid I'd have told her to mind her own business by now.
But yes I suggest putting your own fence up next to hers, no reason why not.

RedRumTheHorse · 17/08/2020 14:39
  1. You can put up a trellis type fence totally on your side that is taller than her fence.
  2. You can grow "nice" plants that just happen to be very prickly on your side.
Mamette · 17/08/2020 14:39

She once told my husband that he shouldn’t play with our dog in the garden as he makes her bark

I thought this meant it makes the neighbour bark when I first read it.

We have a very nosy neighbour. I put 6ft fences at the back and I am doing “grey rock” with her which has made her retreat a bit.

PermaStress · 17/08/2020 14:47

You can't do anything to her fence and if it's her hedge she has every right to trim it from her side.

She can't however stop your from putting up your own fence on your side and/or fast growing trees/hedge...

What would happen if you told her bluntly to mind her own business each and every time you caught her spying/she said something to you about how your garden should be? Broken record, grey rock.

RandomMess · 17/08/2020 14:53

I would put something in front of her spy holes ASAP!!!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 17/08/2020 14:58

Could you put a toy eyeball on a stick in front of a spy hole, so when she looks through, it's looking back at her?

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