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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my neighbour NOT to lean over the fence to trim hedges?

75 replies

SugarPlumLairy2 · 17/08/2020 12:43

We have a VERY nosey neighbour. Watches us in the garden, watches us coming and going, comments on EVERYTHING, if we’re out there she tells us how to BBQ, play with our pets, set up pool etc. How to jet wash patio, where we should put garden furniture and worst of all if we’re in the garden she skulks behind the fences/hedges etc and eavesdrops/stares (witnessed by us and guests and then she’s daft enough to bring it up in conversation what she’s overheard).

Occasionally she asks to come into our garden to trim plants a certain way, or on the guise of she needs to dig up a root or something -can she do it from our side and then invariably she interferes with our arrangements. We ALWAYS say no to the back garden but she has done it to the front twice.

We don’t let her onto our property anymore.

She has now taken to climbing up a ladder so she can look right over the fence, into our home and is pulling clumps of tree/hedge etc so that it’s back on her side And cutting it to appease herself. Which means rather than a natural order of growth we have straight lines on our side.

I’ve asked her to stop interfering with our side of the fence, but she says it’s her tree/hedges and so she has the right to do this. I can and DO trim it myself .

She is argumentative, and I do think there may be a mental health issue involved. None of the neighbours near her are exempt from this behaviour (interferes with workmen, visitors, deliveries, bin days etc.)

Was I wrong to tell her to leave our side alone though she was doing it from her side of garden.

She once told my husband that he shouldn’t play with our dog in the garden as he makes her bark and that’s abuse. When my husband told her not to be stupid she had to be physically restrained by her husband as she was trying to come over fence.

Part of me thinks leave it but she just finds more ways to interfere.

Was I wrong? WWYD?

OP posts:
Confusedismyname · 17/08/2020 21:13

Omg she’s batshit.

I second carpet gripper on your side of the fence.

VanGoghsDog · 18/08/2020 00:15

@Confusedismyname

Omg she’s batshit.

I second carpet gripper on your side of the fence.

You can't add things to the fence if it's her fence, that would be criminal damage.
BumholeJ · 18/08/2020 00:39

Love the eyeball idea!! 😂

devuskums · 18/08/2020 00:42

I would put mirrors in front of the holes in the fence, a couple of inches back so when she looks through it makes her jump. But I am a schemer

sunyla · 18/08/2020 00:49

That would be so irritating, it would drive me mad. These comments are hilarious though. I do hope you are able to sort something out but try not to piss her off as it will make things worse.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 18/08/2020 01:00

I was reading through the initial post thinking "poor woman, must be isolates and lonely" - then I got to the mention of the husband. Poor bloke.

Barbed wire in the hedge?
Very obvious CCTV pointed in her garden

SugarPlumLairy2 · 18/08/2020 12:58

She was out there again today... re-trimming what she’d done yesterday. Up goes the ladder and she’s nearly waist height over the hedge having a good look up and down my garden, not trimming at all 🙄
My husband went out To mention she might like to pop her head back on her side of fence and she was whining that we can’t tell her not to trim her hedge, she’s doing nothing wrong etc. I think CCTV might become necessary at this rate. She’s not improving.

She has family. I’ve never seen friends over though.

If you put her in the middle of 5 houses the two either side (inc me) try to keep as uninvolved as possible. The other neighbours had it easier due to distance, but I’ve been told she’s popping out of the garage at back of house, and stopping them as they leave/return via their garages.

Apparently she stands in the access road and waves them down for a chat.
I‘be been told she doesn’t take the hint when told people need to get on etc and she’s in the way, tries to keep them talking. Worst is when they return she’s straight out there again gets, let’s them eventually into their garages but stands by their garage doors to continue “chatting” when they are getting out of car.

It’s never anything massive, or illegal, just this constant irritation, death by a 1,000 paper cuts. She’s been told but to no avail.

We actually have cctv on our front drive and we don’t get too much hassle from her there... Def an arguement for putting it out back too 👍

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 18/08/2020 13:15

Can you hose her down whilst watering the plants?

PermaStress · 18/08/2020 13:34

BE. RUDE.

I get that it's against our very British Nature but when somebody else is being rude to you (as she definitely is with her behaviour) it is PERFECTLY okay to be rude right back.

"STOP SPYING ON US BRENDA"

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS WOMAN"

"YOU'RE HARASSING US AGAIN BARBARA. GO AWAY."

Never apologise for being rude to somebody who is being rude to you.

I would start going out there and completely unashamedly take photos of her or film her. Every damn time. "Just collecting evidence of you illegally harassing us again Barbara. We'll be sending the portfolio to the police soon." Smile and wave. "If you don't want to be filmed harassing us then don't do it Barbara."

Also you can buy wooden trough planters with trellis attached to the back. You can grow a hedge in the planters, but in your case i strongly suggest attaching some black fabric screening to the backside of it to obliterate her view through the knots. I know this because I recently had a neighbour being an arse about a fence line 🙄

Also, if her husband stopped her from climbing over the fence then could your husband have a word with him and all him to stop her? (I know you could also do this yourself but sadly a man might be more likely to be listened to by "that type").

BMW6 · 18/08/2020 13:37

I think a short "Oh DO fuck off Brenda you nosey bat" is called for

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 18/08/2020 13:37

Hose her off...
Every time.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 18/08/2020 13:41

I believe naked skipping may be all the rage soon. .
Buy your dh some skipping ropes..
No offence to your dh or his flapping appendages but 1 way or other she will retreat off those ladders I expect..
Dead faint or just, well dead!!
Job done!!

Seeline · 18/08/2020 13:47

My NDN kept cutting the top off all our shrubs on the boundary. They weren't tall - less than 6' - and being kept at that height due to her constantly spying on us when in the garden. We told her not to. Next thing we know, her step son is finishing the job!! Really had a go then. A few weeks later we caught her spraying weedkiller at all our shrubs through the fence! We told her it was criminal damage and we would be reporting her if she did it again. That was a couple of years back, and whilst we still have a very awkward relationship she has left our shrubs alone.

JammyHands · 18/08/2020 13:51

I advocate blackthorn hedges, personally. Big time.

Dotty1219 · 18/08/2020 15:12

I had a neighbour do similar things, he was a lovely man but would constantly interfer with everything (I think he was lonely). He used to stand in front of my car when I was on my way to work and refuse to move unless I talked to him, purposely wake me up after I'd been on nights for a chat, he sacked my window cleaner for me (because I asked him to stop paying him and that I would pay the window cleaner myself), would tell delivery people i wasnt in when i was, and also "fixed" a scratch on my car by slapping immulsion he had left over from painting his bathroom on it. I always felt because he was so nice I could never say anything. I fully empathise with you, its rubbish to have no privacy in your home.

echt · 18/08/2020 15:25

I advocate blackthorn hedges, personally. Big time

Plus you can harvest the fruit for sloe gin. Yum yum.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 18/08/2020 17:31

I have a Dd and dog so spiky bushes can’t really work, but am looking at the trellis planters/willow screen combo. We’ll be doing willow screen for the worst bits ASAP.

The problem is that she’s not damaging OUR property, the plants ARE on her side but where it comes over or past the fence to us (no problem) she’s constantly coming over with it where there is no need.

Rudeness is the next step. Sorry but we’ve all done smile, try to ignore, walk away, the neighbours in the surrounding houses all agree she’s a pain but we’re all too polite to tell her to wind her neck in and stop being such a nosey interfering cow🙄

OP posts:
Sunnydaysandsalad · 18/08/2020 20:47

Is she nosey full stop? A 2 person plan could involve 1 person running round to knock on her door. She will hurry to see who it is.
Gives the other person chance to get the hose running..
When she answers say you just knocked to warn her about the hose going on.

RandomMess · 18/08/2020 21:33

I have to say I would start watering the garden a lot and accident spray the fence... DD can be taught to do that.

Always take the dog out and get her hyper??

dementedma · 18/08/2020 21:39

Fill in all the knot holes with putty mixed with chili powder or pepper spray

Bargebill19 · 18/08/2020 22:02

@dementedma

That’s genius and evil!! Mwah ha ha

Burnthurst187 · 18/08/2020 22:23

The woman that lives next door to me years ago lent over my fence and cut some small branches off one of my trees. I wouldn't have minded IF they had been hanging over the fence but they weren't even that close. I saw the bits she'd cut off on top of her bins. I simply added some wicker fencing to that area and made it about two feet taller

A few days later some of her plants mysteriously died, I'm not sure but they looked like they'd been sprayed with weed killer

Buttercupsandroses · 18/08/2020 22:41

I would build a 8 ft wall op with spikes 😂

Stella8686 · 18/08/2020 22:57

Put a pot plant with something leafy in front of the knot holes on YOUR side

Rangoon · 18/08/2020 23:14

Just use some plastic wood in the knot holes. Sets hard.

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