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Original poster

My sons dad wants him to stop playing with "girl"toys.

95 replies

RottenTomatoes959 · 17/08/2020 11:30

So myself and my ex had a disagreement yesterday about toys my 5 year old son likes.

Hes been asking for lol dolls for christmas and has a little handbag he likes to put stuff in at home, just his nanas old one, nothing fancy. It's what he likes and I've never even considered it an issue.

His dad went ballistic and said hell get bullied which will emotionally damage him, whereas I think stifling or hiding his interests would be worse.

The issue for me here is is that no matter what I say his dad will disagree so I really need proper researches articles or info from child psychologists or something to show him, and soon as my DS has already mentioned ti me once or twice hes not allowed have "girly" toys in his dads and seems upset.

Can someone please help?

OP posts:
Original poster
RottenTomatoes959 · 17/08/2020 15:09

Thanks for all the messages, its nice to see most people agree with me.

And what someone said about not buying their gs a unicorn shirt.
It's not that I've ever I suooose gone out of my way to buy him "girly" clothes to make a point or whatever, but if hes there and he picks something out he likes then he gets it, whatever the colour or design.

It's just not something that ever popped into my head as not ok.

OP posts:
Holothane · 17/08/2020 15:20

I loved books and dolls but I also had a set of keys I could prisons with, I loved within these walls that lasted years, love monsters.

thepeopleversuswork · 17/08/2020 15:28

@RottenTomatoes959

Thanks for all the messages, its nice to see most people agree with me.

And what someone said about not buying their gs a unicorn shirt.
It's not that I've ever I suooose gone out of my way to buy him "girly" clothes to make a point or whatever, but if hes there and he picks something out he likes then he gets it, whatever the colour or design.

It's just not something that ever popped into my head as not ok.

Its just not something that ever popped into my head as not ok

That's because it is not not OK. I'm quite shocked at the people on this thread intimating that you're better pandering to the bullies than you are facing them down and letting people know that these gender stereotypes have no place in the modern world. There's no such thing as "girly" clothes or "boy" clothes.

Those of you saying: "I just wouldn't buy a unicorn t shirt for my son", why don't you be honest about this rather than saying: "I just wouldn't". You wouldn't, because you're scared of what sexist people might say about and to your kids. I don't blame you because it takes balls to stand down people with outdated attitudes and not everyone has the balls. But at least own it.

legalseagull · 17/08/2020 15:35

So he'll have all these toys at your house but then have to leave them before going to his dad's, because his dad will be ashamed of him. Is that the sort of dad he wants to be? Where his son can't be himself? Shame on him. It's sexist to both sexes. He doesn't want his son to appear 'girly' as if that's something bad. The only bullying your son is experiencing is coming from his own dad

RedRumTheHorse · 17/08/2020 15:53

If you are separated you don't need to explain your choice of toys for your son to your ex.

If the worse comes to the worse you just adopt the position that toys you buy for him stay at your home and vice versa.

StrawberrySquash · 17/08/2020 16:11

Toys are role play for children. I want your son to grow up able to look after a child, cook a meal and do the hoovering, so those all seem like perfectly sensible things to have as toys.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2020 16:31

Would I buy my dgd a t shirt with a dinosaur on? Yeah. Would I buy a pink unicorn one for my dgs no probably not. I can’t tell you why. Just wouldn’t. I think this is probably now damaging than the overt "boys who play with dolls are sissy's" attitude which you can at least argue back at with logic.
If you would refuse to do something for one sex and not the other you really should be examining why and challenging your prejudices

Tlollj · 17/08/2020 16:59

I don’t know what you want me to say. But I wouldn’t buy my grandson girls clothes. He’s a boy.

Original poster
RottenTomatoes959 · 17/08/2020 17:22

It seems pretty sexist if you dont have the same energy for your granddaughter

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2020 18:07

@Tlollj

I don’t know what you want me to say. But I wouldn’t buy my grandson girls clothes. He’s a boy.
Sorry I'm not specifically blaming you for anything but the whole "I don't know why it's wrong it's just WRONG" you say you'll but your gd a boys top but not your gs a boys top. Why would you great them differently and in what other ways do you treat them differently based on their genitals? Why are unicorns for girls? Why does a white top with a unicorn on have to be for a girl just because it's in the left side of the shop not the right? Why is it cool for girls to like boys things aka the BETTER STUFF but not boys to like girls stuff AKA THE RUBBISH STUFF
amusedbush · 17/08/2020 18:15

When I was little I had toy dinosaurs and cars - I even had the same toolbox as my dad! I ‘helped’ him with DIY and fixing the car, and now I’m a very feminine 30 year old woman who renovated my own house, built all of the furniture and maintains my own car. DH says he finds me wielding tools very hot Grin

My brother had a toy kitchen and hoover, totted around in our mum’s heels and thought it was hilarious to wear my hair extensions. He’s a burly mechanic with no ‘girly’ traits to speak of.

Toys are toys. Little kids just like to play and it doesn’t matter to them if it’s ‘for boys’ or ‘for girls’. It’s adults who turn it into a big deal and stigmatise it.

user1471538283 · 17/08/2020 19:14

My DS asked for a Barbie, his favourite toy for a long time was a baby doll, he pushed strollers around in kindergarten and pushed his own stroller around the streets. He is now huge and very straight but it wouldn't matter if he wasn't because as we know your sexuality is not a choice and is not developed by toys or playing dress up. Some men see it as an affront to their own masculinity when its just children trying to make sense of the world

Tlollj · 17/08/2020 19:46

I wouldn’t dress my granddaughter in boys clothes either. A dinosaur top for example is unisex I think.
I never said the boys clothes were better or cooler and the girls stuff is inferior. But men and women,boys and girls are different. Not worse or better, equal but different.

00100001 · 17/08/2020 19:50

@contrmary

I think you both have valid points. It really depends at what age he stops wanting to play with "girl's" toys. At five, he might get away with it, by seven or eight he will get bullied for it. The thing with school kids is that they remember these things - if a bully picks up on his habit in the next couple of years, it could well stick with him into his teens.
... Confused victim blaming much

why should the little boy change because some kids listen to their twat of a parent and say "dolls are for girls ha ha ha lets call that boy names hurdurrrrrhuurrrrrr"

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2020 19:51

Y are dinosaurs unisex but unicorns not?

00100001 · 17/08/2020 19:52

OP. Did your ex never push his son round in a buggy, never dress him, change his nappy, feed him?

PUsh back at ex and say "He's learning how to be a good dad.....got to learn from somewhere"

Tlollj · 17/08/2020 19:54

I can’t answer that either they just are.
Way they are marketed maybe. Plain white t with a unicorn picture on it, like a horse with a horn. Or with sparkles and glitter on it again that’s different.
Can’t explain it any better I’m afraid.

00100001 · 17/08/2020 19:55

@Tlollj

Mmm I don’t know. I have 3 boys and a girl and of course they all used to play with each other’s toys. Cars, trains, dolls, prams whatever they wanted to. Would I buy my son a doll? No I don’t think I would.
Why wouldn't you buy your son a doll? genuine question.

You see men all over the place holding babies, feeding babies, pushing babies, dressing babies, playing with babies.... why can't a boy simulate that?

Branleuse · 17/08/2020 19:57

Having run a toddler group, i can assure you that children of both sexes like to play with all different toys given the opportunity

RedRumTheHorse · 17/08/2020 19:57

@Tlollj

I wouldn’t dress my granddaughter in boys clothes either. A dinosaur top for example is unisex I think. I never said the boys clothes were better or cooler and the girls stuff is inferior. But men and women,boys and girls are different. Not worse or better, equal but different.
Then you are a fool.

Often clothes like tops and shoes are the same but just different colours.

TheGoogleMum · 17/08/2020 20:01

Let toys be toys, I would let him play. His dad needs to worry less about gender stereotypes. He'll probably grow out of it but even if he doesn't, so what?

SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2020 20:03

@Tlollj

I can’t answer that either they just are. Way they are marketed maybe. Plain white t with a unicorn picture on it, like a horse with a horn. Or with sparkles and glitter on it again that’s different. Can’t explain it any better I’m afraid.
I'm not trying to have a go at you. I was gonna say it's a generation thing perhaps but then I realised at 38 I'm actually old enough to be a Grandmother (thankfully my eldest is 5 so not an issue lol) I just think that this imbedded "boy things are unisex and girls things aren't for boys" is the problem.
Tlollj · 17/08/2020 20:05

@RedRumTheHorse
Charming.
Boys and girls of course play with all the toys at nursery, school, childminders wherever and that’s fine wouldn’t dream of trying to stop them.
But I wouldn’t buy my son a doll or a pram.

Tlollj · 17/08/2020 20:09

@SleepingStandingUp
You could be right maybe it’s generational I’m 56.
When I had my boys I had all sorts of stick from women who had girls asking me if I was upset to have only boys or wouldn’t you like a daughter to dress up? And go shopping with.
I am defensive of my boys( men now)
There is nothing wrong with being a boy/man and maybe that’s where it comes from.

WaltzingBetty · 17/08/2020 20:20

Oh god forbid a male child should show an interest in toys based on child rearing Hmm

I'd ask your misogynistic ex why he thinks toys related to parenting/family life are only for girls?

Maybe thats why MN is full of so many wonderful threads about brilliant non-abusive co-parenting men.
Or not.