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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Predatory driving instructor. Daughter wants refund. Help!

357 replies

friendlyflicka · 16/08/2020 12:31

If anyone has experience of how to proceed with this I would be so grateful.

My just 17 year old daughter booked to go on an intensive driving course and paid more £1000 up front. As far as i knew we were booking through a driving school which seemed businesslike etc.

My daughter came back after the first day, visibly shaken. At 11 pm that night she asked if I or her boyfriend could go with her the next day. At 8 am - she was due to be picked up at 9 - she told me she couldn’t face going with him in the car. That he had been very ‘touchy’ and then she told me a string of very inappropriate comments he had made all sexual throughout the day.

I have no doubt that she is telling the truth. That is not my issue at all. And the emotional issue and toll on my daughter - can handle this as well: we are.

I contacted driving school and said that she would not be proceeding and then sent email detailing the instructor’s behaviour. The reply was that it was my daughter’s word against his and that he would speak to the driver the next day.

I rang the police for some advice because I didn’t know whether this was a civil matter. They were keen to press further, They said as a safeguarding issue they needed to speak to the driving school

The driving school absolutely absolved themselves of all responsibility for either the safeguarding or financial issues: the instructor was self employed: he had my daughter’s money.

I have made a complaint to DVSA about all issues. My daughter is upset but wants her money back. And just wants to start again: found a nice local instructor.

How do I go about things? I am dealing with the safeguarding through DVSA hopefully. But how do I recover her money. She was booked for 4 days: day 1, he allegedly assaulted her. Day 2, she cancelled after the 24 hour policy. Last 2 days she should be refunded whatever the results of any safeguarding enquiry.

Please tell me how to proceed. Purely in a financial sense to recover her money.

OP posts:
alreadytaken · 22/10/2020 08:14

Have you, in writing, asked the company for the instructors details? The court should have instructed the company to provide you with those details if they were thinking of telling you to sue the instructor. Your argument is that your contract is with the company, the contract term is unfair (and impossible since they have not provided the instructors details) and it is for them to sue their instructor if necessary.

dolphinpose · 22/10/2020 08:20

Name and shame him and the driving school in reviews and tell them they have 24 hours to refund you or the reviews will appear everywhere, locally and nationally. Make it very clear that the driving school absolved themselves of responsibility. Tell everyone you can - the Guardian money pages, the local news and radio station, the tabloids. Continue with the police complaint. Lodge a transaction query with her bank about the amount she paid. And do everything @Gancanny suggests.

LouiseTrees · 22/10/2020 08:20

@friendlyflicka

yes, refund should come from individual instructor, according to the t&cs. I thought this was intuitively wrong but after a fight, if i go for the instructor, how do I get his contact details since it was not him i booked with?
You have a friend post on a local Facebook group saying their kid lost his details and they need to rearrange their lesson and does anyone have them?
dolphinpose · 22/10/2020 08:22

as a result of his conviction, he was no longer able to work with those under the age of 25.

How depressing. So it's OK to sexually harass women over 25? He shouldn't have been allowed to teach women ever again.

theDudesmummy · 22/10/2020 08:28

I have not RTFT but use moneyclaimonline

userxx · 22/10/2020 08:30

This happened to me with a driving instructor but I said nothing as it was the 1980s. How depressing that this is still happening. Don't give up.

Same here but it was early 90,s. He used to direct me down country lanes and get me to pull over in a lay-by so we could smoke a cigarette together, he also gave me a nick name in reference to my breasts. The final straw was him taking me to a dodgy country pub, I'd had 6 weeks of his sleazing over me and enough was enough.

Looking back, so much shit like that went on and nothing was ever made of it. I wonder if the men in question look back and realise how fucking inappropriate they were.

BitOfFun · 22/10/2020 08:32

@Gancanny has the right approach; do that!

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 22/10/2020 08:55

I remember your thread, and I'm glad you're pursuing this.

It takes a lot of energy, but without your doggedness men like this get away with it.

Good for you.

Joeblack066 · 22/10/2020 09:08

She must pursue through the police, as she was assaulted. I can understand her reticence, but he must be prosecuted so that he has the criminal record and cannot work as a driving instructor assaulting other girls.

Mischance · 22/10/2020 09:13

A driving examiner was like this with my teenage DD.

wellbehavedwomen · 22/10/2020 09:20

@friendlyflicka

yes, refund should come from individual instructor, according to the t&cs. I thought this was intuitively wrong but after a fight, if i go for the instructor, how do I get his contact details since it was not him i booked with?
I'd post on Legal and ask advice from an employment solicitor; I know a fair few post on Mumsnet. - on the difference between an intermediary relationship, like Ebay, and an employer - is interesting.
CharlottesComplicatedWeb · 22/10/2020 09:29

Expose them, by any means possible.

InYerFace · 22/10/2020 09:40

Ugh, your poor DD. Really hope you get somewhere and so proud of you for not backing down.

Exactly the same thing happened to me when I was 17. Creep of a driving instructor took me to a deserted country lane in the middle of nowhere and proceeded to show me how to push my foot on the pedal by repeatedly groping my inner thighs. Gross. You feel so vulnerable when you're in someone's car and there's no one around. It put me off so much I didn't finally learn until I was in my late 30s, so please don't let that be the case with your DD.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 22/10/2020 09:40

You should have just put terrible reviews and social media comments out there. That's what they pay attention to unless there's already dozens out there. Instead of this protracted and ineffective way of de as long e were it's igvwhere you're actually keeping it all private do so they give a fuck?

The world/government doesn't care about things like this right now. There is no 'boss of driving instructors' to tell who will care. You can try suing but it will get you nowhere.

Weltans · 22/10/2020 10:32

I am another one who got inappropriate touching from a driving instructor (1977 so a long time ago).
I wouldn’t have been able to tell my mother, she would have reacted badly and blamed me when I told her about a minor incident in my early teens.
So I just wanted to say well done to your daughter for being brave, and what an absolutely fantastic mum you are. I can quite understand not wanting to make a campaign about it, though.
Instructor is a predator and the company has a horrible bullying attitude.
Urggh.
I don’t have any legal knowledge but can you get advice from Citizens Advice Bureau? They can be very helpful.
Just wanted to send support.

cologne4711 · 22/10/2020 10:41

The stories on this thread are awful! I was obviously lucky with my instructor.

If i had a dd I think I would look for a female instructor.

At least if the examiner is male they'll (hopefully) only see him once.

HarrietOh · 22/10/2020 10:47

So depressing reading everyone's stories! I also had an odd driving instructor that I never felt overly comfortable with.

Middle123 · 22/10/2020 11:17

I hope your daughter is ok. This makes my blood boil.

Post all over social media - on your own profiles, on their page (if they have one), on local selling & business pages or groups, tweet them, keep tagging them in posts until they listen. Other parents need to be aware so they can keep their children safe. Just think, how many times has he probably done this before and how many more times will it take for him to think he's gotten away with it so far, so next time he might try to take things further! Bearing in mind he will have the contact numbers of all his driving students, he has easy contact to girls the same age as your daughter :(

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 22/10/2020 11:30

I am very unwilling to post on Social Media. Nothing has been proven and the head of the driving school is very aggressive.

@alreadytaken I think that is the best idea. I have sent them 2 emails with no reply to either about the details for the instructor. this is against their their t&cs where they say the will be helpful to work with both parties to obtain refund. I realise the situation is now different but it is clear that the driving school are just not talking to me!

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 22/10/2020 12:24

So contact the court, if they advise you to target the instructor, tell them the company are being obstructive and not providing his details.

PragmaticWench · 22/10/2020 12:26

Could you send them a letter by recorded post, asking officially for the name? If not, would a Subject Access Request (you can do this on your DD's behalf) work to elicit the name of the instructor?

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 22/10/2020 15:18

Thanks. I will try that.

OP posts:
ReneeRol · 22/10/2020 16:13

The second you tell the director you'll be leaving a detailed review on trust pilot unless you get your money back ASAP, he will go get your money.

That's the only thing that works in this age. It's also extremely effective. If you do that, other girls might post similar reviews and that instructor will be gone.

All this hanging around, sending letters, these companies don't care about that. They care about their Internet reputation because the first thing most customers do when looking for instruction, is Google them.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 22/10/2020 16:39

@reneerol that won't work. He will threaten me with libel and I have no wish to get caught up in any more of anything. He, the owner of the company, is fairly aggressive.

OP posts:
Dangermouseis42now · 22/10/2020 17:41

[quote friendlyflicka]@reneerol that won't work. He will threaten me with libel and I have no wish to get caught up in any more of anything. He, the owner of the company, is fairly aggressive.[/quote]
Did you report this to children services? Give them police reference as well. It was a sexual assault investigation wasn't it on a child under 18- doesn't matter she was over 17, she was non consenting and he sexually harassed her and touched her leg from a position of power.

Libel won't apply here and they will make a file in him and do an assessment - just tell them how upset she was abs what she disclosed. Use those words and that it is safeguarding